Desert Scar
by katlou303
Summary: Sakura fought Gaara in the Chuunin exam, leaving her scarred physically and mentally. Four years later, the Kazekage wants her as his assistant. Can she overcome her demons and confront the object of her nightmares: Gaara? GaaSaku, mild SasuSaku. AU
1. Healing scars

Spoilers for quite a bit of Naruto :) Post-time skip.

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><p>HARUNO SAKURA VS GAARA<p>

Sasuke stared at the electric scoreboard announcing the names of the first fight. Sakura was going to have to fight that red-head, the strong shinobi from Suna. Sakura, to her credit, looked absolutely terrified, but gritted her teeth and began to walk slowly towards the stairs. Naruto screwed up his face in worry and Kakashi sighed. Sakura went to walk past their sensei but he put a hand out to stop her. "Be careful with this one…" He warned, hand tight on her shoulder. Sakura swallowed, hard, and nodded.

Sabaku no Gaara was waiting.

His eyes were hungry, a green much paler than her own, Sakura thought wildly as she descended the stairs. That odd gourd of his was strapped to him, and whatever filled it must be his secret technique. _Think_ Sakura, she urged herself, what secret techniques have been discovered in Suna shinobi bodies? She couldn't remember. She could remember what Sasuke's favourite food, when his birthday was and the day to avoid him. But _this_, no _this_ was far too important to remember.

Sakura forced her legs to stop shaking as she stood opposite Gaara. Hayate, the jounin standing in as referee, asked her if she was ready to begin. She looked up at her team. Sasuke was as impassive as ever, though the mere fact that he was looking at her, right at her, with his sharingan activated showed just how much trouble she was in. Kakashi had pulled his mask down to show both eyes. Was he thinking about jumping in and saving her, even now, before the match had even begun? Naruto, however, beamed and jumped up and down, waving, shouting encouragements to her and threats to Gaara. One of Gaara's teammates, the boy with the painted face, he looked a little sick. The girl next to him was smirking. Lee, lovely chivalric Lee, looked so solemn and pale that Sakura's heart ached for him.

With a popping sound, the cork to Gaara's gourd fell out and with shocking speed flew towards Sakura's face.

Sasuke stood before her casually, the smoke from his jutsu curling around his legs. He held the cork with one hand. He looked at it for a moment before throwing it down in disgust.

"Hey, he's interfering!" The girl in Gaara's team said indignantly.

"The match hasn't started yet." Shikamaru yawned.

Hayate nodded. "Gaara, please refrain from attacking before the match has started. And you, get back up there before I'm forced to disqualify your teammate." He jerked his head up to the balcony.

Sasuke, too cool to walk, put his hands in the seal for instant transportation. Sakura grabbed his arm.

"Thank you." She said simply, hoping her voice didn't betray the terror she felt.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed slightly. "Hm. You should forfeit."

How weak did you have to be to have everyone who knew you (and others that do not) expect you to lose? How pathetic she must look to them all. Match not even properly begun and already she had been protected by someone else.

"I didn't come all this way just to forfeit." Sakura said calmly, though the seething terror that swept through her threatened to dispel that calm.

Sasuke snorted and vanished into smoke beneath her fingers. As he always did.

Gaara was getting impatient. His eyes were fixed upon her.

Hayate asked them both if they were ready to start. Sakura said yes, numb with fear. Gaara nodded jerkily, his movements oddly disjointed, as though he was holding himself back.

And the match began.

Sakura flew back instantly, kunai between her fingers, various techniques flitting through her mind.

The gourd imploded into sand. Before Sakura could register this, the sand rushed towards her like a snake, writhing through the air. Her hair blew back before the force of it, and Sakura completed the Kawarimi faster than she had ever imagined. She replaced herself with her headband, the first thing she could think of, and transported herself behind Gaara.

Gaara whirled around and the sand attacked again. Sakura wasn't fast enough to dodge, so she summoned a tiny paper bomb and threw it at the sand approaching. As she did so, she focused chakra to her feet and exploded off the ground, coming to land in front of Gaara, leg already automatically snapping out to catch Gaara in the face. Her leg sank into sand. She jumped back and managed to throw herself out of the way of a fist of sand. The paper bomb was going off wildly, hissing and spitting sparks. The sand it struck reformed seconds later.

Have to incapacitate him. Need time to think, to plan.

While the sand whirled around her and stung her eyes, Sakura summoned a paper tag. She attached it to a kunai quickly, then summoned a few more tags. This had to be done swiftly, and in between evading the sand's attacks.

Sakura threw the paper-tagged kunai directly at Gaara's face. The sand rushed up to defend him from the explosion, whilst Sakura, her chakra running low, managed to transport herself to Gaara's unprotected back and fling another kunai. She activated both tags and somersaulted away.

Gaara exploded into a mess of sand and smoke. Sakura could sense raging blood thirst. She shuddered and tried to force her hands into picking up another kunai. The smoke cleared, and a monster was revealed.

Gaara's normally blank face was cracked in two ways, first with an insane, wide grin and second with a literal crack running down his cheek. Sand poured from his face as he stood there and grinned, his mouth a feral slash across his face.

Sakura barely raised her arms to protect herself when Gaara hurtled towards her. The sand was everywhere, jutsus were rushing through her head at an impossible pace and she was blind and gasping, on her knees, her arms covering her eyes.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted.

The sand tightened around her body, constricting and binding. Sakura, weak and dizzy from pain, released the paper tag she'd kept hidden in her hand the whole time and let it float between herself and the partially-obscured form of Gaara.

Seconds passed, and Sakura felt something snap in her arm. She ignited the tag.

She was thrown forcefully across the room, landing and skidding on the floor, every skid stinging her burnt skin. She coughed, hard, and blood spilt from her mouth wetly. The amount of pain in her body was sickening, overwhelming.

Sakura was grateful for the rushing darkness that welcomed her as she passed out.

Sasuke had been coolly dismissive of her after that, citing her refusal to forfeit as foolish and suicidal. Naruto had visited her in the hospital every day he could, and cried the first time he saw her. Kakashi-sensei visited infrequently, but when he did he always cheered her up.

Apparently, Kakashi had stopped Gaara from killing her. This meant that she had not lost. She had been disqualified.

Gaara had defeated her in the Chuunin exams, and thus went on to fight Rock Lee in the next round. Lee had fought against Ino previously, and had rather spectacularly defeated her, but when he went up against Gaara he was viciously and solidly beaten. He had been left with his dreams of becoming a shinobi destroyed, and Sakura had despised Gaara for it. But Naruto came back with reports of Gaara's new attitude, and Tsunade managed to heal Lee, so her hatred had been replaced by suspicion.

She'd first awoke, mad and delirious, feeling a horrible stinging feeling stretching across her entire body, plastic in her mouth, see-through tubes covering her, bile rushing up in her throat.

She'd been sedated, and woke up again much later, feeling the burnt skin and broken bones as keenly as she had when they had first happened.

She had turned her head and had seen a woman with blonde hair and kind hazel eyes. Sakura's own eyes had filled with tears and she could only mouth 'hurts.' The woman nodded and her hands glowed. Sakura's eyes rolled back into her head.

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And now, four years later, she had arrived in Suna to hear a proposal the Kazekage had for her.

Sakura's hair was covered by a pretty pale green headscarf she'd bought down in the Suna Market, her brow was lightly speckled with sweat and she carried a warm bottle of water at her side, the contents sloshing about as she walked. The sound gave her comfort, for some reason. She had changed over the years, both physically and emotionally. She was tanned and lightly-muscled. Her hair was still short and pale-pink, her eyes still apple green and too big for her face, giving her a child-like appearance. She had been taught the Yin Seal by Tsunade, and, as a result, had a purple diamond tattoo on her forehead. She was disfigured by her arm, the one that had been broken by Gaara. It hung a little loosely at her side, with burn scars shining white on her skin. She could still use it, but it was useless for complicated tasks.

She'd slipped a messenger some money to persuade him to let Gaara know she was here. It wouldn't do, however, to be a guest of the Kazekage and not go to meet him the moment she arrived, so Sakura washed her face and changed into some lighter clothing, a loose white dress and sandals. She kept the headscarf on since it kept her hair out of her face. She'd washed her feet slowly, using her nails to shift the black dirt that had stuck to the skin on her travels, watching the water drain away black.

She breathed in deeply. The smell of Suna was ultimately pleasant, but very different from home. It was the smell of the salt they coated all of their food with, the wind bringing the scent of sand into her room and the sweet dumplings cooking just underneath her window. It was midday, and the sun was shining down fiercely, meaning the village was now boiling hot.

Sakura left the cool, dark room reluctantly, and left to find Gaara's office.

She saw plenty of shinobi running around on her way there, many of them scarred and disfigured. Each one of them wore Suna's symbol proudly.

Her knuckles rapped the door firmly. Sakura scolded herself for wincing at the thought of meeting the Kazekage. It was four years ago, she was no longer twelve and, though he'd not exactly been good company, she'd already met him once after their fight, when he'd died and Chiyo-sama had sacrificed herself for him.

"Come in." His voice sounded hoarse, probably from lack of sleep. Tsunade often missed out on night's sleep, much to Sakura's chagrin.

She opened the door and stepped into the room with as much confidence as she could muster.

The Kazekage was sitting at a massive desk, papers stacked neatly and organised. A glass of water stood besides an important-looking memo and Sakura (used to Tsunade's cavalier attitude when it came to spills) itched to move it out of the way.

Gaara looked the same as he had back when they were kids (well, when she was a kid and he was still a brooding psychopath), same blood-red hair, pale skin and the kanji for 'love' tattooed on his forehead. It should have made him funny looking, geeky even, having a love tattoo on his face, but Sakura felt a twinge of fear in her stomach at the sight of him.

He put down the papers he'd been shuffling, and stared at her. Was it the hair, she wondered self-consciously. If it is, I'll shave it off. Anything to stop you looking at me like that.

"Take off your headscarf." He said softly. He still lacked inflection in his voice. It made him even more impossible to read.

Bemused but aware of her lowly foreigner chuunin state, she pulled the scarf out of her hair. She longed to shake her hair out of the tangled mess it was in, but Gaara's eyes kept her transfixed. They had grown wide.

"You are Haruno Sakura?" He asked, almost suspiciously.

"Yes, Kazekage-sama." She replied, resisting the urge to bow.

"I fought you." He said tonelessly, "In the chuunin exam, in Konoha. The one with all the exploding tags."

"Ah yes. That's me." She smiled weakly.

Gaara's eyes drifted down to her arm where it lay limply at her side. She could still use it, thanks to Tsunade's intensive healing and her own curious or frustrated attempts to straighten the limb out.

Had he been able to see her back, he would have seen the criss-crossing scars that covered it. Her arms were bare, and Sakura could the Kazekage's gaze tracing the scars stretching up from her wrists to her shoulders.

"And then again, in the forest. I used the sand coffin technique on you. I don't recall breaking anything…" A frown twisted his forehead as he continued to stare at her.

"Only a few ribs, they were quickly healed." Sakura supplied.

_Sasuke lying face down, wracked by shudders and paralysed by pain, blood leaking from his mouth. Gaara, now twisted, barely recognisable as human, running towards him. The sensation of being gripped by an overwhelming determination to protect Sasuke, to save him. Standing in the way, gripping a kunai and staring down the monster from her nightmares._

_Being knocked aside like she was nothing, feeling the sand stiffen around her again, then the sickening sensation of being squeezed. Feeling ribs crack and fracture, piercing her lung. Blood pooling in her lung, coughing red. Screaming. Hearing Naruto's desperate shouting. Seeing Sasuke staring at her, his mouth a furious open snarl, limbs twitching and shaking as he tried to get up._

_Falling._

Her worst memories laid bare before her in the curious, clinical eyes of the Kazekage. Sakura's knees shook a little before she firmly quelled the shudders, standing up straight. She would not cower in fear. This man was not who he once was.

"You were one of the first to teach me about caring for others." Gaara commented.

Sakura was startled. When had she ever done that?

"When you tried to stop me killing your teammate, it made me remember… painful things. That is why I wanted to kill you. But you helped plant a seed of doubt in my mind that it was possible to care for others… Naruto, of course, finally changed me. I am grateful to him, and you." Gaara's pale fingers traced the rim of his glass, his eyes contemplative.

"Your actions and Naruto's words did not make sense to me. I thought I was alone in the world. That no one trusted anyone else, that the world was filled with betrayal and hatred. That is why I could not comprehend why you would face someone like me knowing it could kill you, why Naruto would not give up until I stopped hurting those he cared about. 'Care', 'love,' and 'trust' were foreign concepts to me. If not for Naruto and people like you, I would still be a monster."

Sakura smoothed her hair back nervously.

Gaara caught the reflexive movement. "You are afraid of me." There was no doubt in his voice, just a quiet kind of resignation and acceptance.

The heat was sweltering. Sakura felt sweat trickle down her spine. "Yes. But I do understand that you aren't a monster, I know you protected the whole village and that you care about others now. It's just…" Her voice cracked and she swallowed, "I fought you twice, and… I can't explain the fear I had for you. It's silly."

There was a moment of silence. Gaara closed his eyes and sat back in his chair. "It is not silly. The sand coffin was designed to kill, and if not, seriously wound. It is not silly to fear me. It is self-preservation. Not that you need fear myself now, of course. If I ever lost control, I am confident you could stop me."

Wow. If there were ever words to reassure her… those were not them.

"Lost control?"

There was the sound of muffled voices outside the room. Gaara's eyes snapped to the door for a moment, then snapped back to her when he was satisfied there was no threat. Even so, Sakura thought, even now, he looked a little on edge.

"I am still not completely stable and secure. There is a reason why I accepted the hokage's offer. I am in need of an assistant. Someone who is capable, has experience in the field, and can defend myself and others. You are trained in several areas of combat. Medical, short range, long range, chakra control… Not only that, but it is on your file that you are a teammate and close personal friend of Uzumaki Naruto. I was unaware that you were the girl I fought back in the invasion of Konoha, but, having personally witnessed your fighting style and researched your capability, I decided that Tsunade was correct in suggesting you were the perfect candidate. I ask that you perform the same duties as you did for the Godaime. Are you interested?" Gaara's expression still had not changed.

How could she say no, having come so far to face her fears?

"Kazekage-sama, I would be honoured to be your assistant." Sakura said resolutely.

"Excellent. This job will be beneficial to both of us. In the Godaime's own words, I gain an 'outstandingly determined and skilled assistant, often over-looked and underestimated, but with a fierce resolve and keen intelligence she will definitely use to assist Suna in every way.' You will gain the impressive title of former apprentice to the hokage and current assistant of the Kazekage." Gaara didn't look pleased exactly, but his frown had lessened the moment she accepted the offer.

Sakura's cheeks flooded pink with pleasure at the words of high praise from Tsunade. "I will try to be the best assistant you have ever had, Kazekage-sama."

"You would be the first." Gaara said dryly.

"So it shouldn't be too hard to accomplish." Sakura smiled a real smile for the first time, and saw something flicker in the Kazekage's eyes.

"Indeed. Sakura, I have received a thorough account of your needs from the hokage, and I shall endeavour to see they are met. It is mentioned here that you require a library to study in. There is one in this very building. Tsunade has added that she believes I should lend you to the Suna hospital when needed, and that, as a former resident of Konoha, you are unused to the heat and so –"

"Wait, former resident of Konoha?" She interrupted, too confused to remember her place.

Gaara seemed almost amused. "You won't be required to scratch your hitae-ate and become a missing-nin, but you are a resident of Suna now, for a year or more."

"Oh…" Sakura looked at her feet, embarrassed. "Do I get a headband?"

"No. As a former resident of Konoha, you will require more water and more protection from the sun than the average villager of Suna…"

Gaara went on to list her apparent requirements for over ten minutes, and Sakura felt her fear dissipate slowly as she spoke with the man from her nightmares.

"Oh and also," He said as she went to leave the room, "I hear you were the one that saved Kankuro from Sasori's poison and you were also the one that eventually killed Sasori with Chiyo. I cannot thank you enough for these actions." Gaara said seriously, his eyes fixed on hers.

Sakura could only nod.

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Sakura went back to her room with a list of tomorrow's duties. She was supposed to go through Suna's mission reports from shinobi, focusing on inaccuracies and discrepancies. Gaara cared about his people, but he did not trust them. Suna was in a weak political position, its nearest ally, Iwa, was a village they had warred with several times in the past, they had the lowest population of all the villages and their economic and military strength had suffered from the wars they had waged over the years, particularly the most recent war with Konoha, in which they lost many shinobi.

Then he wanted her to assess the situation of a poisoned sand nin, who was said to be a lost cause. He had three days left, at best.

Sakura put the list on her dresser and went out to stand on the balcony. The smell of dumplings had been replaced by some salty meat frying under her window. She rested her arms on the balcony and looked at the village. Her new home.

It had been difficult, leaving. Ino had cried. Kakashi-sensei looked sad to see her go, the last of his students leaving him. Lee had been on a mission, but she had left him a long, detailed letter outlining just how much she would miss him and how he was welcome to visit her at any moment. Her mother and her grandmother were encouraging. The thing that had pushed her to leave was the fact that both of her teammates had already done so.

Naruto was getting stronger by the day, she was sure of it.

Sasuke… the thought of what he was going through – what he'd put them all through – was enough to make her cry so easily. He'd always had a talent for making her cry. She covered her mouth and sobbed wretchedly. She was in an unfamiliar land, without friends or family. Her best friend was off training so hard to fulfil his promise to her.

And Sasuke had abandoned them all. Her love wasn't enough.

As she cried, she heard the softest sound. It was like footsteps stopping abruptly, and she looked down. Gaara was staring up at her from down in the village square, his face unreadable. She stared back, her tears glistening in the sun.

Neither of them spoke.

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><p>I figure Sakura is stronger than Kishimoto gives her credit for. She defeated a member of Akatsuki, she's the apprentice of one of the Sannin and she can obliterate the earth with a single punch… and yet rarely wins any fight she's in. There was the dreaded fight with Sasuke, in which she snivelled, cried a bit, and was rescued twice in one scene by two different people.<p>

A warning now, this Sakura I will be writing about is not the same person. This fic starts pretty much after the Sasuke and Sai arc, so Sakura has met Sasuke once after his betrayal and she is aware that Naruto is a jinchuuriki. I feel that Kishimoto built her up to be a very strong female character, than dropped her back down to uselessness without warning. I don't want to write Sakura like that, I think she could be a hell of a lot stronger than she is portrayed in canon, and thus will be presented as such in this fic. Also, there WILL be Sasusaku undertones, lets face it, with Sakura there always will be. I'm going to have Sakura act as Gaara's assistant, bodyguard and, hopefully, confidante. I think Sakura (though she never fought Gaara in the chuunin exam in canon) has had a considerable impact on Gaara's life (her protection of Sasuke pushed him further over the edge of becoming more human, without her Kankuro would have died and she killed an important threat to Suna – Sasori), and their personalities are interesting when mixed.

Sakura is wracked with insecurity and doubt, her attempts to get Sasuke's attention only to be rejected over and over again cannot have helped her self-confidence. Not only that, but she declares her love for Sasuke and he once again rejects her and then betrays her. She appears to lose her temper easily, with little patience and restraint, just like Naruto. She's caring and kind, but often thoughtless in her words (shown when she told Sasuke, the orphan, that Naruto was lucky not to have parents).

Gaara is serious and business-like. He has a tragic past and a dark hidden nature. He is devoted to his village. He is close to his siblings after he once despised them. He has changed rapidly, and has to deal with the suspicion and fear he is faced with every day. Sakura is undoubtedly afraid of Gaara and this will impact their working lives quite severely.

How to get romance out of that? Wait and see. (I am new to GaaSaku, btw. Don't hold it against me)

P.S. if Sakura appeared over-powered in the fight with Gaara, I apologise, but I don't think I gave her any abilities beyond her canon level of ability. Also I couldn't have her be squashed by him in one hit. Boring to read. Any comments or critiques will be gladly received.


	2. Old scars

Gaara had not said anything when he found her crying, just turned away and walked towards the hospital. She'd been grateful for that. How do you explain to your new boss that you are very prone to tears? Because she really was, the slightest thing was enough to bring her to tears, her cat coming home with a nasty gash from a fox, Ino wistfully mentioning Sasuke thoughtlessly, Sasuke himself… And when she really did have something to cry about (Haku apparently murdering Sasuke, her teammates suddenly wanting to murder each other, Lee being told he would never fight again…) the tears just _poured_ out uncontrollably. When Sasuke had left she'd cried all day every day for months and months. Those tear-filled months stretched into years…

And then she saw him. She'd just grabbed Sai, absolutely furious with his apparent betrayal – _just like Sasuke_ – and then suddenly, there he was. When she'd thought about their eventual reunion, she figured he's have come home willingly. She'd cry, of course, and he would scowl a bit. Just like in the good old days.

But he was so different. Taller, of course. Thinner, but more muscled. It was his eyes that had changed the most. Whilst Sasuke had never really shown his emotions that much, his eyes had been very emotive, burning furiously, alight with good humour or brimming with sadness. But now, they held nothing. Just dark, staring eyes with no emotion whatsoever. Empty.

When he attacked Naruto like that, left him broken on the floor – _what had he _**done** _to him? _– she felt a deep certainty that he was never going to come home willingly. She was never going to be able to welcome him back, never going to be able to help him through the burden of his hatred and need for revenge, as she'd planned. All this time, she realised, she'd been thinking of Sasuke as _stolen_.

She had felt as though Orochimaru had manipulated him into leaving, that he'd had no choice, had to leave for revenge. But seeing him cold-heartedly about to stab Naruto snapped something within her. He wanted to leave. He didn't care about them enough to even explain why. Had left her with nothing but a cryptic 'thank you.' Had left her unconscious in the middle of the night, on a stone bench.

_He'd wanted to leave._

And that realisation was what drove her to attack him, to raise her fist and charge, ignoring the bloodlust emanating from him as he noticed her. Didn't feel any thrill for finally being noticed by him. Just pumped all her chakra to her fist, determined to do this on her own. To break him, if that's what it took to bring him home. Sasuke's eyes had whirred into red, fixed upon her fist and he drew his sword. He would be able to read what her fist could do to him. He knew she was a threat.

And then Yamato, brave, interfering Yamato had charged in heroically, took the hit for her and she'd been forced to watch _again_ as an ally writhed in pain because of her. Because of his good intentions, she was once again rendered useless.

_Never again_, Sakura vowed. I'm not going to be a helpless cry-baby. I'm going to fight for myself, get stronger and bring Sasuke back whether the selfish bastard likes it or not.

She'd tossed and turned all night, partially due to defiant thoughts racing through her mind, but mostly because the heat left her sweaty and hugely uncomfortable.

She got up at around four o'clock in the morning, checking the sun just rising and seeing that it was slightly cooler now.

She headed up to the roof, hoping there'd be somewhere to sit and watch the sunrise. She located the staircase after walking aimlessly around a few corridors, confused by the similar-looking walls and floors. The door at the top had opened up to reveal a flat, sand-coloured roof. She had gathered up her nightgown and carefully stepped over the tiny barrier.

There was the smallest of breezes, her gown blew around her ankles as she sat down and hugged her knees. The sun was rising slowly, the dark blue sky beginning to give way to orange and red light. Suna was quiet and peaceful; the odd circular buildings glinted in the sunlight. The market was abandoned, stalls packed up. The odd wicker basket of fruit had been forgotten and ripe berries decorated the sand below. Sakura leant over to look at them, fat and juicy, sitting in the sand.

There was a flare of chakra, and she nearly fell off the roof in shock.

"Sakura." That voice was similar to Sasuke's, and yet nothing like it. Both had hoarse, deep tones, but Gaara would never spit insults out in spite-laced words as Sasuke so loved doing. And she really should stop comparing the two.

"Kazekage-sama!" She exclaimed, brushing away the dried remnants of tears left over from reminiscing about Sasuke's rare but beautiful smile. God, what would he think of her, crying like a baby all the time?

"Can you not sleep?" He asked, sitting down next to her.

"Not really. It's much hotter than I'm used to. What about you?"

"Try drinking iced water every fifteen minutes for an hour before bed." He replied. She noticed he ignored her question, "I wanted to ask… are you happy here?"

Sakura made a face. "I've only been here for a day, Kazekage-sama. Ask me again in a month or two."

"It's just…" The Kazekage seemed supremely awkward, frowning slightly. In Gaara-body language, that was akin to a normal person biting their lip, "Yesterday. You were crying."

"Oh! Oh. No, that had nothing to do with being happy here…" Sakura said evasively.

Gaara seemed to be waiting for her to elaborate so she sighed and said, "It was about Sasuke."

"Isn't it always?" Gaara said derisively.

OK. That was harsh. "Well, yes, seeing as the bastard made me fall in love with him, abandoned the village and everyone who cared about him just after I confessed my love for him, to which he replied by knocking me out, by the way, nice touch. Not only that, but he immediately followed this by cementing his total bastard status by trying to kill Naruto. I finally see him again after all these years and, guess what? He tries to kill Naruto again. Then, when I finally try to bring him home by myself, he tries to kill me. So yes, it is always about Sasuke since he's provided around seventy-five percent of the shit in my life!" Sakura just about shouted, hands curling into fists and striking the roof in anger. She had never said 'shit' in front of such an important person before and when she realised this she covered her mouth in horror.

Gaara had just widened his eyes in response to the rant, apparently not knowing what to say.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout but… I hate that it's all about Sasuke too. I hate that he's all I can think about. I hate it." Sakura said softly, dropping her head down to touch her knees.

She started to cry again, hating herself. Why did she have to be such a wimp? "I'm s-sorry," She said, mouth screwed up and her words sounding thick through the tears, "I'm such a coward. Such a baby. I can't believe I'm c-crying in front of the… Kazekage! So stupid…" Her voice trailed off into bitten-off sobs as she tried to stop the tears.

"Why do you say you are a coward?" Gaara asked. He looked very young and serious then, not clad in his typical Kazekage robes, but in a simple black shirt and trousers.

"Well... Naruto is going through the same thing as me, but he isn't crying! He's training, hard, because he's determined to bring back Sasuke and he's strong and I'm… not. Even when we were kids… even though I was supposed to be a kunoichi, wasn't supposed to get scared… I was always told to keep out of fights… Naruto and Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei would always protect me and I'd just think, hey, wait a minute, don't I count too? Aren't I a ninja like all of you? Why am I so weak?" She dissolved into sobs and pressed her face into her hands, shaking.

After a minute or two of silence, Gaara finally spoke up, sounding firm, "I would not have employed a weak ninja. Why do you always compare yourself with those two?"

Sakura blinked, tears spilling into her palms. Why? Because everyone else always did. Naruto was so special, he went off with one of the Sannin to retrieve the possible hokage, he fought Haku on his own when he was just a kid – they named a bridge in his honour… - he changed Neji and Gaara and made them happier. Sasuke was the last surviving Uchiha save for his brother, he had the Sharingan and his general talent and an air of intrigue surrounding him that made him seem so interesting. Orochimaru went to great lengths to get Sasuke. Naruto was going to be the Rokudaime, she was sure of it.

Just once, she would like to be special.

"They're my teammates. I watched them get stronger and felt left behind… Kakashi-sensei taught Sasuke the Chidori, and Naruto was taught the Rasengan by that creepy old man. Sasuke was so jealous of Naruto's strength and it made me feel ashamed. Why was I so pathetic? Why couldn't I even fight? I know now, of course. I was lazy. Didn't bother to train. Spent all my time thinking about Sasuke. But now, when I've worked so hard…" She broke off again and wiped her eyes.

"No, I'm not going to cry about this anymore." She said decisively.

"Good," He said shortly, standing up and brushing off his trousers, "Come on then."

"Hm? Where are we going?"

"Training. If you don't want to feel weak, you should get stronger." Gaara shrugged, sounding very logical all of a sudden.

xxxxxxxx

"Again." The shinobi instructor said mercilessly.

Sakura ran along the log and when she reached the end she jumped and landed in a roll, dodging the kunai the instructor threw at her. She climbed back up the log and ran the other way, leaping off and kicking out, hard into the air.

"Stop."

She landed lightly and pushed herself back up. Her muscles were trembling slightly from the exertion but that was just because she hadn't eaten yet. For all the talk about how hard Suna shinobi trained, it was easier than Konoha's!

"Right, from the looks of your reflexes you are well-trained in evasion and manoeuvring on unfamiliar terrain. Your kick, however, was weak. You rely on your chakra too much. Weak limbs won't do enough damage if you ever run out of chakra in battle. You need to train more in Taijutsu." The shinobi instructor was tall and muscled, his neck looked like it was thicker than her head. He had a giant scar on his cheek.

"We'll start with your basic training pole. No chakra. Destroy it."

Gaara watched as the little medic kicked the pole over and over again. Sato was right. Sakura was weak in Taijutsu.

Sakura's breath was coming out in gasps; her leg ached as she repeated the same high kick over and over again, muscles screaming out in protest.

When Gaara had knocked on the Senior shinobi instructor's door at five in the morning, Sakura assumed the man would be a little annoyed, or at least surprised. And yet, the man had just yawned widely and grabbed a shirt to put on before following them to the training grounds.

_Weak, _Sakura thought. That's what everyone called her. Well, not anymore!

She brought her foot down viciously and cracked the top of the pole. Without stopping, she struck it with the side of her foot in the weakened spot, bellowing her anger as she attacked it, picturing every face that had ever doubted her.

Ino. Kick.

Kakashi-sensei. Harder kick.

Her mother. Her knee struck the wood.

Naruto. _I'll save you Sakura-chan!_

_**Sasuke**_. You are worse than Naruto. You should forfeit.

Thank you.

"Fuck you!" She screamed, whirled around and smashed her foot through the pole. It exploded into splinters and wood chips.

Sato-sensei gave her an appraising look as she panted, anger slowly fading. "Nicely done." He said, clapping her on the back hard enough to knock her over had she not reached out and steadied herself against the ground in time.

Gaara was watching her. "Why did you say, 'fuck you?'" He asked blankly.

"She was obviously employing the old technique of envisaging the enemy as someone you despise!" Sato-sensei said proudly.

Sakura leant against the remains of the pole and healed her bruised foot.

"Kazekage-sama… did you get any sleep tonight?" Sato-sensei asked seriously.

Gaara stared at him and then sighed. "Some." He said, closing his eyes and turning away. "Sakura, come. You have those mission files to look through, remember?"

Sakura thanked the old shinobi instructor and scheduled a few training sessions with him before chasing after Gaara.

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"You're Sakura-san, right? Hi, I'm Michiko. Welcome to Suna Hospital." A thin-faced nurse with warm brown eyes smiled.

Sakura fanned her face with her hand, running down the white corridor with Michiko at her side, the patient's clipboard in one hand, legs pumping as she struggled to get to his room in time.

The patient was a shinobi in his late thirties. He was convulsing, muscles going into spasm. Sakura dropped the clipboard and rushed over, putting a hand on his forehead.

"Odd." She muttered, soothing the man's pain with a single glowing hand wiping over his stomach.

"What is?" Michiko asked, filling a glass with water and passing it to Sakura, who gently poured some in the man's mouth.

"He appears to have been steadily poisoned over the years… This isn't just some random exploding gas trap he's stumbled into. This is assassination. Who is this man?"

"You can tell all of that from just touching him?" Gaara said without admiration – just clarifying. He'd entered the room whilst Sakura had been busy healing the patient, and she found it somewhat disturbing that he could sneak up on her like that.

"Kazekage-sama!" Michiko blushed.

"Well, through healing I can see the extent of damage done to his organs, and he seems to have a fairly damaged stomach in particular, with old tissue damage still present." Sakura used both hands to withdraw the poison. The hardest part. She mentally pulled at the thick liquid covering the lining of the stomach. Come on, she urged.

The poison lifted, and she pulled it through the skin carefully, depositing it into the white tray Michiko helpfully provided.

"The poison is gone, but he'll need regular healing." Sakura began to fan her face again. Why did it have to be so hot?

"He's a captain of an elite squad. Can you tell the method of poisoning?" Gaara asked, stepping further into the room to examine the man.

Sakura tied her hair up with practised ease to keep it out of her face. She looked over the man's body and placed her hands on his chest, "Heart seems unaffected." She let her hands drift over the man's torso. She finally withdrew and sighed.

"It seems likely he was being poisoned through something he'd ingest regularly. Food, drink, etc. The damage is all in his stomach." Sakura frowned. Why would an elite squad member be selected for assassination? It didn't make sense. Assassinating was usually a political manner, had she ever expected anyone to be a victim of an assassination plot, it would be Gaara, not a captain.

"Or medicine." Gaara said meaningfully.

Sakura stared back at him. "Who is the nurse assigned to his medicine?"

Gaara picked up the dropped clipboard and studied it. "Michiko-san, it seems."

Michiko was backing away in horror, "Kazekage-sama…"

"You have been slowly poisoning my squad members whenever they come here, injured. They all have the same symptoms. These symptoms exacerbate whenever you are assigned to them. The Senior Nurse grew suspicious and informed me. Which village is paying for you to kill Suna's elite shinobi?" Gaara slowly began to walk towards Michiko, herding her into the corner.

"Michiko-san?" Sakura felt herself stiffen in shock. This nice, friendly nurse, a spy, an assassin?

"I haven't done anything wrong!" Michiko protested.

Gaara wordlessly lifted a hand, and two men in Anbu masks dropped down next to him. Sakura jumped. Anbu were scarily good at evading detection, but it was always unnerving to see them suddenly appear as though they'd always been there.

One of the Anbu, a slight man with a cat mask grabbed Michiko's arms as she kicked out. The other man neatly, seeming almost bored, knocked the nurse out by hitting a pressure point. She'd have a nasty bruise tomorrow.

"Prepare her for interrogation." Gaara said stonily.

The Anbu nodded and vanished with Michiko unconscious over the cat-masked one's shoulder.

Sakura felt the patient's muscles tense and she automatically pressed down lightly on his chest to keep him from rising. He was still unconscious, but he wouldn't be for long.

"Why did you say he was near death? I healed him very easily –" Sakura began to say, but Gaara cut her off with an impatient head shake.

"None of the other nurses possess the skill required to remove poison as you do. He _was_ near death, by Suna standards. I mostly wanted you to be here today because I'd heard Michiko had volunteered to nurse this man on her next shift, and I knew you could provide physical evidence to catch her out."

Sakura stifled a yawn, tired. She smoothed down her apron and white nurse's uniform and sat down in the chair beside the bed, taking the patient's pulse as she did so. It was steady. "He should be OK now." Sakura said, rubbing her eyes blearily, "Oh! You said there were other poisoned squad members, I'll go to them now."

She went to get up but Gaara stood in her way, arms folded. "You are tired," He said carefully, light green eyes looking oddly kind in the weak light of the hospital room, "You've been up all night, you trained this morning and you just used up a lot of chakra. You need to sleep. The other squad members weren't nearly as afflicted as the captain, they'll be fine."

Sakura thought of the captain's convulsions, his obvious pain and discomfort. "Symptoms are symptoms," She said stubbornly, "Severe or not, there are men in pain and I can help them."

"Do you want to heal the entire hospital? Do you want to die of exhaustion and hunger? Like it or not, you need rest. You can't help anyone in the state you're in." Gaara said, his tone firm, "I can't exactly have word get out that the hokage's apprentice died within hours of my care."

Sakura felt her gratitude falter, was he only concerned with his reputation? "I don't want to heal the whole –" She tried to get out of the chair, but she fell back, limbs feeling heavy. Gaara eyed her pointedly.

"I can do this." Sakura yawned, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the arm of the chair. The last thing she saw was Gaara's pale face looking contemplative as she sank into sleep.

xxxxxxxx

She awoke what felt like hours later, mouth dry and stomach rumbling. She was in a hospital bed, she realised to her embarrassment. She'd passed out on her first day here!

She stealthily pulled the covers off herself and placed a toe on the ground. By the looks of it she was alone in the room, but Gaara had that sand eye jutsu and it just wouldn't do to be caught sneaking out of bed by her boss.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." A teasing voice said from the door. Sakura jumped back into bed as though the floor had burnt her.

Temari was leaning through the doorway, smiling. "Gaara said that if you leave this room I have grounds to pin you to the ground and _force_ you to rest," She paused, eyes twinkling, "His exact words."

"I just want to help." Sakura said, feeling quite useless indeed, sitting in a bed and feeling sorry for herself instead of treating patients like she was meant to be.

Temari sighed, "Look, kid. I know what it's like to push yourself and feel disappointed when you can't do as much as you want, but killing yourself isn't going to help anyone. And besides, you already saved that guy's life! You should be proud of yourself."

Sakura thought of Tsunade studying how to heal Lee's seeming irreparable spine, Shizune and countless other medic nins spending hours healing Neji and felt inadequate in comparison, passing out after healing one person.

"Wow, you Konoha nin are hard on yourselves! I never would have guessed it from hanging out with that lazy Shikamaru." Temari laughed. She looked well, with a deep tan and almost pronounced muscles. She was wearing all black, which Sakura privately thought was a little reckless in such heat. Temari cocked her head, looking at Sakura sitting on the bed, fanning herself again, "Hey, Gaara said you're finding it hard to sleep at night. I have a bunch of fans you could borrow and you should just take a cold bath right before bed. That's what I do."

Sakura felt herself smile. Temari was nice, though she'd seemed scarily brutal back in the Chuunin exam. Sakura could easily recall Tenten's face as she landed on Temari's fan. "Thank you, Temari-san." Sakura brushed her hair over her ear, wondering who'd taken it down.

"No problem. Gaara gave everyone a bit of a shock though, carrying you in here with his usual stoic expression."

"Kazekage-sama carried me here?" Sakura's eyebrows rose. When a man can summon Anbu with a careless lift of the hand, why would he bother doing such mundane tasks?

"You'll want to call him Gaara, you know. He doesn't like friends calling him 'Kazekage-sama.'"

Friends?

"Temari, I told you to let Sakura sleep." Gaara said disapprovingly, from behind Temari.

"I did! She woke up on her own! And to be honest, Gaara, you're the one who looks like you need sleep." Temari said, studying her brother with a slightly anxious expression, "Has it been bad lately?"

"I'm fine," Gaara said, brushing off his sister's concern and entering the room. He was wearing his Kazekage robes now, and looked very important. His young face was almost severe-looking under that hat, "How are you feeling?" He said, gazing at her clinically.

"Better, thank you."

"You haven't eaten, have you?" Gaara ran his hand through his fringe, the red spikes wet with perspiration.

"I'll take care of it, Gaara." Temari said helpfully.

"Right. Sato has been having problems with some of the students refusing to use weapons. He's asked me to come down to help." Gaara said.

"Anyone could do that! Come on, Gaara, it's your one day off, live a little!"

Sakura felt a jolt of surprise. It was Gaara's day off and he'd spent it talking to her on the rooftop, watching her train with Sato-sensei, uncovering a poison plot, carrying her to bed and enlisting Temari's assistance to prevent Sakura from leaving.

He was clad in full Kazekage garb, on his day off. It was either a testament to how much he loved his job or a warning sign that he needed a break.

"No one else will do it." Gaara said flatly.

"What? That is such – ugh, _I'll_ do it, OK? You work all day everyday, and then you go home to _not_ sleep and come back and start working again! It's not healthy, Gaara!"

"I don't care."

"You should care! Look, spend the day how you'd wish, and I'll take care of everything."

"I wish to spend the day at work. You are preventing me from achieving this."

"No! Anything but work. Why don't you hang out with Sakura?"

Gaara paused. Indecision flickered in his eyes. "Sakura needs her rest."

"I know what it feels like when you want to be of use but there's nothing to do." Sakura said wistfully, remembering the endless missions were she was forced to stay behind Kakashi-sensei and watch the others fight. Gaara looked a little startled. "Oh! I'm sorry if I spoke out of turn, Kazekage-sama!" Sakura said hastily, cursing her habit of speaking her thoughts.

She knew Tsunade didn't mind being spoken to without permission – beginning a sentence with Hokage-sama was more likely to annoy her – but she had no idea if Gaara was just as relaxed in his nature. She doubted it.

"Out of turn?" Gaara said blankly, "You only offered your opinion."

When he continued to look somewhat annoyed, Temari mouthed 'stop calling him Kazekage-sama!'

"G-Gaara-san." Sakura corrected herself with great difficulty. She'd been raised to have great respect for authority and she worked hard to ensure her manners were above reproach.

Gaara's mouth twitched. Sakura recognised it as a near smile, as she was well-versed in the art of reading impassive people as a result of constant exposure to an almost permanently expressionless Sasuke.

"As it is my day off…" Gaara said hesitantly.

"Great! I'll get started on your paperwork then." Temari said with a forced smile, "Lucky me…"

xxxxxxxx

Sakura soon learnt that walking around Suna with the Kazekage at her side was not the done thing, as she was stared at by almost every person they passed. Sakura saw a stand which was, oddly enough, selling onigiri. The sign cheerfully proclaimed that they were filled with umeboshi, and Sakura's stomach rumbled loudly.

Gaara looked at her as she reached for her purse and shook his head. He turned to the stall owner. "Two onigiri." He said abruptly, taking out a tiny pouch of money and handing over a few coins.

"Thank you Ka- Gaara-san." Sakura hurriedly corrected herself upon seeing the dangerous glint in Gaara's eye. She ate the onigiri slowly, relishing the taste.

She found it odd that Gaara could be so fond of his job and his people, and yet at the same time hate being referred to as 'Kazekage-sama.' He was getting twitchy, presumably wanting to get back to work so she swallowed her last bite of the onigiri and asked, "What do you do for fun?"

Gaara stared at her.

"Like… hobbies?"

"I like to cultivate cacti and train." Gaara responded.

"Oh… I like to play trivia games and memorise new material for my medical studies." Sakura replied. She had actually meant something that she and Gaara could do together, since they were being forced to share their day off.

"Useful hobbies." Gaara nodded approvingly.

"Is there anywhere to sit?" Sakura asked, her legs growing tired.

Gaara didn't answer, just abruptly changed direction. Sakura followed obediently. When they got there, Sakura felt herself gasp out loud.

Gaara had led her into a secluded spot, a little square with stone benches and smallish trees dotted around. The trees were what made her gasp; they were covered in beautiful orchid-like flowers. The smell that drifted from the flowers was sweet and pleasant.

It was an intensely beautiful spot, and she couldn't hide her delight as she turned to smile at Gaara, eyes alight with happiness.

"It's beautiful!" She said happily, reaching up to touch one of the flowers.

Gaara's expression was strange, unreadable, but not unpleasantly so. He sat down on one of the benches and indicated that she should do the same.

"Desert willows." He commented as she sat down next to him, keeping a respectful distance.

"There's nothing as beautiful as this in Konoha!" Sakura sat back against the sun-warmed wall and breathed in the scent of fresh flowers.

"There are sakura blossom." Gaara remarked dryly.

Sakura blushed, feeling foolish. She knew he was referring to her namesake, but still…

"Whenever I visit Konoha I like to go see if the sakura has blossomed. I enjoy watching them." Gaara said, picking up a stray petal that had fallen onto his robes.

"I do as well." Sakura replied.

They shared companionable silence for a while, Sakura watching the petals drifting lazily in the humid air. She pulled at the tight collar of the nurse's uniform she was wearing, feeling that her neck was slick with sweat. Odd, she thought, wiping at the damp skin, she didn't feel too hot at all.

Sakura smiled to herself. How odd it seemed that only yesterday she had been terrified of this silent, serious man. But now, under the desert willows, smelling the flowers and feeling the stickiness of the Suna summer, she felt that Gaara, whilst brusque and occasionally too stern, could be a nice person.

* * *

><p>OK, I know desert willows don't grow where I put them but, as the author I feel it's my right to bend nature to my will XD Umeboshi is listed as one of Sakura's favourite foods so I put it in here. I got Gaara and Sakura's hobbies off the internet, I'm hoping they're canon because they're so academic, for hobbies, it's cute! Sorry for the monstrously long chapter, I'll chop it down if the readers want me to.<p> 


	3. Love scars

Sakura had been living in Suna for two weeks when the parcel arrived. A flustered sunburnt messenger from Konoha had brought stacks of letters and presents. She opened the first parcel, excited. Her birthday was early spring so it felt odd to receive presents in late summer.

The first parcel had a note attached. All it said, rather cryptically, was: _For special occasions. Love Mum and Grandma._

Inside the parcel was a furisode. Sakura felt conflicted, it was irritating to have her mother essentially pin _unmarried female_ on her forehead by sending her such a kimono, but also immense gratitude, as she was aware how much it would have cost. It was made of fine silk, coloured deeply red with gold flowers embroidering the hem. It was beautiful, and Sakura knew she'd never wear it. It was true that Suna, like Konoha, still entertained the tradition of wearing kimonos to formal occasions, but it would have to be a wedding party or a tea ceremony for her to be able to wear such an outfit. Besides, she felt far too young to wear such a thing!

Still, Sakura hung it on her wardrobe door wistfully. She would have tried it on had she not had visions of Gaara bursting in and seeing her dressed in a kimono typically worn by unmarried women. Paranoid, maybe, but Gaara definitely had a habit of turning up unannounced. Not just at her room, everywhere. Temari had said to Sakura that Gaara was the reason she'd installed locks on her door. He apparently didn't understand privacy or boundaries.

She'd also received several letters.

She had a very long, passionate letter from Lee that she decided to read later, as it was twenty pages long – admittedly in large sprawling handwriting – and contained far too many proclamations of YOUTH for her liking.

Tsunade-sama had sent a short, concise letter.

_Dear Sakura,_

_I hope the Kazekage isn't giving you too much trouble. That brat's been spoiled. Have you been keeping up with your studies? I'm aware, by the way, that you have apparently been working too hard, as I received a fairly scathing letter from the Kazekage himself, informing me that my apprentice was determined to work herself to death and that he was certain I was the one who instilled such a 'rigorous work ethic' in you – that is quoted verbatim. The rumour mill is apparently reporting that I've sold you to the Kazekage in order to strengthen the alliance. Don't believe it. I didn't get a penny for you. You were a freebie to sweeten the deal. Don't worry, I'm only joking! Try to not work so hard, Sakura. I want you to think of this as a holiday. If I get reports that you've wasted away out there, I WILL come and avenge you, dear._

_The Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure. _

_P.S. other rumours persist that Nara Shikamaru is seeing the Kazekage's sister. Find out if this is true, please? His mother would have kittens. And I would be blamed. As always._

Sakura was fairly surprised to see that Gaara had gone to the trouble of writing to the hokage just to report her apparent disregard for her own health. She quickly chastised herself for being so self-involved – Gaara probably just wrote a letter to Tsunade that happened to include her.

Tsunade-sama's parcel contained sweetened dumplings wrapped in preserving cloth to keep them fresh. She had also packed several invaluable rare herbs.

To Sakura's happy surprise, Kakashi-sensei had also written her a letter.

_Sakura._

_You may recall my maudlin tearful goodbye. Do not fear for your sensei's mental health, I was simply massively drunk that day. Upon awakening the next day and discovering that my last remaining student had actually ran off to Suna and it wasn't simply a hallucination brought on by too much sake, I may have said a few rude things to the hokage. If she writes anything nasty about me, don't believe it._

_Kakashi (your long-suffering sensei from afar)_

_P.S. I do not actually believe you were sold to the Kazekage. I was still drunk when I shouted it to the hokage._

_P.P.S I may actually still be quite drunk._

Sakura shook her head disbelievingly – Kakashi had done what? Anko was a bad influence on him. How many times did he mention alcohol in that letter, honestly?

Kakashi had enclosed sun cream, rather thoughtfully. She'd expected a copy of Icha Icha Paradise.

Sakura smiled at the letters and the gifts she'd received. She had felt so alone in Konoha – what she had said to Sasuke had been true, when he left, to her, it was the same as being alone – without Naruto and Sasuke there with her. She was lucky to still have Kakashi-sensei with her. Naruto had returned recently, to her intense joy, and together they'd found Sasuke. But Sasuke didn't want to be found, had attacked them both.

After Gaara was saved from Akatsuki, Naruto had become distant, had gone for more training.

Sakura had found herself alone again. But, looking at the letters, Sakura felt a sense of belonging, and missed her friends and family even more. She grabbed a fresh piece of paper, smoothed it out and began to reply to the letters, smiling gratefully, glad to have such good friends.

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After a long morning on her own, staring out of the window, Sakura heard an almost timid, quiet knock on her door.

Temari stood in the doorway, her face looking utterly miserable. Sakura let her in.

Temari sat on the end of Sakura's bed, wiping her dry eyes absently. "They've found us out." She said bleakly.

"What?" Sakura asked, confused.

"Shikamaru and I, we're together." Temari looked away. Sakura sat down heavily on the bed, surprised beyond belief, "We want to get married."

"That's great!" Sakura said happily. Shikamaru had always spoke of Temari –

"No it's not." Temari said sharply, interrupting Sakura's thoughts, "Gaara will not let us."

Sakura's mouth dropped open. "But he's your brother!" She protested.

"Exactly. He's my brother, and he's confused as to why his supposedly intelligent big sister would threaten an already shaky alliance with Konoha for a reason he cannot comprehend. Love. If I married Shikamaru, where would we live? Konoha or Suna? Whichever village is picked gains a jounin. The other village loses one. It's worse for me. If I moved to Konoha, Gaara would lose one of the only people he cares about –"

"But he wouldn't, he could still –"

"He doesn't see it that way!" Temari said heatedly, "He thinks me leaving Suna is me leaving him. He thinks I don't care about him anymore."

"Then why doesn't Shikamaru live here?"

"He's a Konoha nin. The hokage knows how smart he is, she won't want to let him go." Temari's eyes suddenly filled with tears. Sakura looked away awkwardly. She'd not thought the strong, capable Kunoichi would ever cry.

"I can talk to Tsunade-sama. She'd listen to me."

"Actually, I was hoping you would talk to Gaara."

"What? But…"

"He'd listen to you. You're from Konoha; he respects you and trusts you. If you suggest that losing Shikamaru won't threaten the alliance, he might even believe you."

"But I'm…"

"Sakura, please." Temari said quietly.

xxxxxxxx

Gaara's office was a mess. Papers were scattered everywhere, a bowl lay in pieces at Sakura's feet and sand hissed around the floor. Gaara himself was standing over his desk, clutching his heart, eyes wide.

Sakura took an automatic step back when the sand reared towards her. She could not help the cry of fear she made. The sound made Gaara look at her.

In amongst the sounds of chaos, Sand nin speaking in low urgent tones, sand hissing and Sakura's own, ragged breathing, she and Gaara simply looked at each other.

"Don't cry." He ordered her, his voice dark and so utterly unlike his usual calm tones that Sakura felt apprehensive. His eyes were darting around the room, "I hate it when you cry."

"I won't." She promised, taking a step forward, "Gaara-san, are you alright?" A stupid question, but what else could she ask?

"I'm fine." He said harshly, patently not fine at all.

Sakura, ignoring the fear curling in her stomach, walked over to Gaara and made eye contact with him, slowly and deliberately. "Gaara-san. Temari is your sister. You know about bonds now, don't you? The bond between you is family. No matter where she is, be it at your side or Shikamaru's, she'll still care about you."

"She left." Gaara said hoarsely, "She left my office after I snapped at her. After she went I felt… strange, and the room was in a state. She'll hate me now."

"What did you say to her?" Sakura asked patiently.

"I told her the Kazekage's sister had no business marrying some Konoha nin, and I ordered her to remain in Suna."

"Alright. Gaara-san. I think you said that because you were upset, and you didn't want her to leave, right? Well, if you think about it, even if she moves away, she can still visit you. If moving to another village meant I would never see my family again, I wouldn't have done it."

Gaara sat down in his chair, a hand pressed over his eyes. "It still hurts. What you say makes sense, but it still hurts." The other hand was on the desk. Gathering up all her courage, aware the Kazekage hated being touched; Sakura placed her hand over his.

Gaara jolted away from her, still in the chair. Sakura held on to his hand, stubbornly. She knelt down next to the chair, her face pale but determined. "Gaara-san, you asked me to be your assistant, and to protect you. I will definitely protect you from any pain, so don't worry about it hurting." She squeezed his hand gently, "I'll always be here to help."

Gaara looked stunned. His hand was cold under hers, and as she stroked the skin comfortingly, he looked down at their hands. The sand stopped hissing all around them, and sank to the floor.

Sakura smiled.

Gaara breathed in shakily.

"If Temari and Shikamaru got married, would you let Shikamaru move here?" Sakura asked.

"The hokage –" He began, but Sakura shook her head.

"Don't worry. I'll talk to her. And if the alliance is threatened, you have a very powerful bargaining chip right here!" She jabbed a thumb at herself.

"True. If the hokage protests, I can always point out that I'm holding you hostage." Gaara said flippantly.

Sakura laughed. As her face lit up in amusement, she vaguely realised she was still holding the Kazekage's hand. She ripped her hand off from his, her face bright red in embarrassment.

Gaara studied her face, looking somewhat confused. He rubbed his hand absently.

"Gaara, what the hell." A deep voice from the doorway said suddenly. They both turned to look.

Kankuro was standing, staring at the messed up room with a look of amazement. "Did you do this?" He asked Gaara.

Gaara looked pointedly at the sand on the ground.

"Right, ask a stupid question…" Kankuro laughed. He looked at Sakura and his face registered surprise. Sakura realised she was kneeling in front of Gaara and got to her feet hastily, brushing down her dress. "Haruno Sakura, right?" Kankuro asked.

"She did save your life once." Gaara remarked, turning to look out of the window. Sakura stared at his profile, the pale, almost unhealthy-looking skin, the rounded ear and the corner of his black-ringed eye. Her chest tightened.

"I know! I was just making sure!" Kankuro said defensively.

"Kankuro-san, hello again." Sakura smiled at the irate older teen.

He blinked. "Er, just Kankuro will do."

The sand began to slither back into the gourd on Gaara's back, almost apologetically. Sakura moved out of the way to avoid being buried.

"Kankuro," Gaara said, staring out into the village, "Make arrangements for Nara Shikamaru and his family to be informed that his proposal of marriage towards Temari has been considered, and accepted. Send an envoy to retrieve them and have them brought to Suna. Have the dressmakers of Konoha begin work on both his and Temari's wedding outfits. Have Shikamaru informed that he is to be living in Suna from now on."

Kankuro's face had slackened in shock during Gaara's speech. His mouth opened and closed speechlessly.

"Gaara-san, it would be prudent to inform the hokage first." Sakura whispered.

"But before all of that, have a letter sent to the hokage, to ask permission." Gaara said, eyes fixed on a messenger hawk that was swooping down on its prey.

Sakura blinked in surprise. She hadn't expected Gaara would ask Tsunade-sama for permission.

"I think I may have missed a few important things when I was gone." Kankuro grinned. He'd been gone on a scouting mission for a few months, looking for any information on Akatsuki's whereabouts.

Gaara's eyes slid towards Sakura's face, and then down to her hand. "Maybe a few." He said quietly.

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Temari had been so overjoyed at the knowledge that Gaara was not only allowing her to marry Shikamaru, but to have him live in Suna as well that she leapt on Sakura and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you." She murmured, cheek pressed against Sakura's shoulder. She moved back, hands still on Sakura's shoulders. "What on earth did you say to him?" She asked.

"Oh, you know." Sakura said lightly, remembering the quiet intimacy of the moment she'd held his hand, "Just the truth."

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The heat of Suna was no longer so overwhelming, and Sakura took great pleasure in taking long walks in the sun, feeling the warmth on her skin.

Suna was a busy, bustling place, with travellers and foreign shinobi constantly streaming in and out of the village. Children ran around and laughed. Couples walked down streets together, hands clasped. Sakura came to realise that though Suna was so different from Konoha, it still had many of the things she loved about her home village.

Everyone is the village was talking about how the Kazekage's sister was going to marry a chuunin from Konoha. Preparations had already been made, banners were strewn about the marketplace, cakes and sweets constantly being prepared in advance for parties being held in Shikamaru and Temari's honour.

Tsunade had reportedly not been happy with the terse, demanding letter she had received from the Kazekage, informing her that his sister had been proposed to by a ninja from Konoha and therefore Gaara thought it only appropriate that said ninja should move to Suna instead of the other way around.

Sakura had had many sleepless nights, staying up to write persuasive letters to Tsunade whilst secretly worrying that she may be the cause of the Konoha-Suna alliance break down.

However, Nara Shikaku and his wife Yoshino had been surprisingly amenable to the marriage after Yoshino had tearfully proclaimed that she had feared her son was never going to marry and leave the family home, so she was all too willing to let him move to Suna, albeit with the firm command that he was to visit them all the time.

The night before the engagement party, Shikamaru and Temari visited her.

"Sakura, good to see you again." Shikamaru drawled when she answered her door. She gave him a quick hug.

"Shikamaru! It's so good to see a familiar face!" She cried.

"We just wanted to thank you for persuading Gaara to let us… you know." Shikamaru's face flushed.

"Get married." Temari supplied, elbowing her fiancé good-naturedly.

"I think he would have come round eventually anyway!" Sakura said cheerfully, "He agreed really quickly."

Temari's face grew serious. "Sakura, you should know that it's nearly impossible to get Gaara to change his mind, especially when he doesn't understand the problem. I never thought he'd agree, not for a second."

Sakura remembered Temari's tears. "Oh… that's why you were so upset. But, I didn't really say anything special, just touched his hand and told him I'd always be there to help."

Temari's eyes widened.

"What?" Sakura said worriedly, looking from a slightly confused Shikamaru to an outright shocked Temari, "Did I say something wrong?"

"You touched his hand?" Temari asked.

"And told him you'd 'always be here to help?'" Shikamaru repeated.

"Yes."

"How did he react?" Temari asked seriously.

"He just looked shocked, and he tried to pull away at first but…" Sakura shrugged, "I'm stronger than him."

"I heard he trashed his office." Temari said suspiciously, "Did he do that after you spoke to him?"

"No, before."

Suddenly, Temari smiled widely. "He's getting better." She said excitedly, "He must be. If he let you touch him and say things like that, he must be growing, emotionally."

"I wonder what prompted such a change." Shikamaru mused out loud, looking at Sakura oddly.

Sakura laughed nervously, not sure what Shikamaru was getting at. She changed the subject, "So, are you excited about your engagement party?"

"No." Shikamaru said bluntly.

"He'd rather spend it staring at the clouds." Temari said, with a touch of fondness in her voice. She looked around Sakura's small room and caught sight of the furisode, still hanging up, "Oh, this is beautiful! Are you going to wear it tomorrow?"

"Um… no."

"You have to!" Temari insisted. Sakura traced the form of the furisode with her fingers. It was beautiful, and appropriate for tomorrow's party. The only reason she could think of to not wear was that it meant she was basically coming out as an adult woman ready for marriage. But she was, wasn't she? She shouldn't let herself hold herself back from potential happiness because of Sasuke.

Sakura smiled shyly, "OK then."

"Come to Gaara's office tomorrow morning at nine. We're going to meet there and get ready for the party."

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Sakura felt like a doll. She had been primped and pulled at and painted. Her hair was twisted into an elegant chignon with golden clips pinning it up. Her eyelids had been painted a light green to match her painted nails. Her furisode was slightly loose no matter how much the dressmakers tightened it.

She stood in front of the mirror and examined her appearance. She'd never looked so glamorous, or so unlike herself. If it wasn't for the twisted angle her arm hung at, or the hint of scars on the back of her neck, she might even go as far as to say she looked beautiful. The long sleeves of the furisode made her feel elegant and grown up.

"Sakura, you look amazing!" Temari grinned.

Sakura thought Temari looked pretty good herself. She wore a kimono that had been hand-dyed and was made of several layers of expensive silk. It was a deep blue colour with a purple moon pattern. Her hair was down with a single plait at the back. She wore purple silk flowers in her hair.

"So do you." Sakura replied.

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The engagement party was loud, with guests in brightly coloured kimonos rushing about, offering congratulations to the couple, who sat at the long table in the front of the room. Gaara, despite his high status, did not sit at the head of the table, but to the left of Temari. He wore a very simple kimono. Shikamaru, by contrast, wore a highly formal black silk kimono with five kamon on the chest, shoulders and back. His hair was down, and he wore a permanent expression of lethargic happiness.

Sakura, as Temari's friend and Gaara's assistant, sat next to the Kazekage. When he'd seen her for the first time that night, his eyes had widened slightly but he had made no comment.

The problem with engagement parties, Sakura mused, was that there was an overall feeling of happiness and love. Everywhere you looked there were sickeningly happy couples. Even Shikamaru and Temari could not hide their affection for one another. Temari held a small blue lace fan and kept waving it at Shikamaru whenever he looked away. He'd turn back with mock-annoyance and 'punish' her with a kiss.

Sakura bit her lip and stared down at her lap. She felt hollow. She had once dreamed of something like this, only Sasuke had been there, at her side, and they were the happy couple infected with the optimism of engagement.

She felt a tiny nudge at her elbow. She looked around to see Gaara staring down at her. She noted the difference in height. "Is something wrong?" He asked.

"No, why?" She said brightly, faking a happy smile.

"Because you looked sad, and now you are faking a smile." Gaara said bluntly.

"Oh. It's nothing. I'm just… feeling a little maudlin, I guess." She laughed at herself.

"Why?" Gaara looked like he might be frowning, though she could only see the side of him, since she had turned back to the front.

"I… I wanted something like this, once, with Sasuke." Sakura gestured to the party. She pushed back the rising feeling of sadness.

"Marriage?" Gaara questioned, "But you were twelve years old."

"That's what girls usually think about." Sakura smiled weakly, "Especially stupid boy-crazy girls like me."

"It is odd," Gaara sighed, leaning back in his chair, "The way you describe yourself never sounds like how I see you."

Aware that asking Gaara a delicate question like this meant her ego would be thoroughly bruised for days, Sakura asked, "How do you see me?"

Gaara paused. He rubbed the cloth of his sleeve between his fingers. "Overly polite with good manners, respectful and honest, though not to yourself. Prone to tears and far too self-critical. Very kind. Thoughtful."

Sakura could not help but smile beatifically at the rare words of praise from the Kazekage. Gaara got that odd, unreadable expression in his eyes again and he added, "With a beautiful smile."

The noise of the party melted away. A pink flush covered Sakura's nose and cheeks as she stared, open-mouthed, at the Kazekage.

Gaara looked away with a small huff. "Don't cry." He said tetchily.

"I won't." Sakura breathed out and felt her face light up with another, uncontrollable smile.

She saw Gaara look back at her in the corner of her eye, the faintest of flushes on his cheeks.

* * *

><p>Sharp-eyed readers will have noticed that Gaara has an odd expression whenever Sakura smiles at him. The Japanese clothing in this chapter is presumably completely wrong, sorry about that.<p>

I'm worried the romance has progressed too quickly. What do you guys think? Should I slow it down? Thank you for all your reviews, I feel like they make me write faster, lol!


	4. Remembering scars

Sakura's hands began to shake, just a little, as she placed them back onto the wound to try again. They glowed green, and the skin began to knit itself together. Blood dripped down her fingers to her wrists. The patient was quivering, eyes flickering beneath their lids, limbs shaking and twitching. "Come on," Sakura muttered. Nurses swarmed all around her, checking pulses and wiping brows, "Come on. Please."

Sakura felt the twitching heartbeat thud irregularly twice and then stop. "Come on." She said again, with a hysterical edge to her voice.

"Haruno-san! He's dead. You have more patients, come on!" A harsh man's voice said next to her ear, pulling at her elbow. She followed the man, numbly abandoning the dead patient to try to save another. A woman came to her side as they ran down the hall and wiped her hands off for her, removing the blood.

She was led into a room that was filled with the smell of sickness, overpowering and bitter.

A young boy, no more than thirteen, lay on the bed, screaming in pain. His leg was twisted at an odd angle.

Sakura rushed over to him, calmed him down with a smile and a comforting word, then began to heal the leg. She cupped the knee and began there, hoping the damage wasn't too severe.

"Stop it! That hurts!" The boy thrashed on the bed. A nurse and the harsh-voiced man held him down.

Little shards of bone were floating in the knee. Sakura's brow tightened with stress and effort as she compressed the bones together – the boy screaming in pain – and guided them back in place. The knee healed, she moved down and started healing the worst broken bone, ignoring the lacerations and cuts for now.

The boy was quieter now, his face a sickly colour, sweat pouring from him. Sakura put a hand on his forehead and discovered an infection. She looked around for help but the other nurses were busy healing a few shinobi in the next room.

She couldn't heal both the leg and treat the fever. She was too tired. But if she didn't, the boy could get sicker. She made up her mind and reached for a numbing cream for the leg. The boy breathed out as she rubbed the cream over the affected area. With the leg numbed, she pulled the bones back in place manually, one at a time. She didn't have a clue what the boy had come up against, but the only case similar to it was her own crushed arm courtesy of Gaara.

The leg was fully healed. She hadn't done the advised thing and just set the bone to heal on its own whilst removing the bone fragments, she'd healed the whole thing. She swayed, her feet scrambling on the tiled floor for purchase, grabbing the metal bed frame for support.

"Thank you." The boy said, exhausted, sinking back into the pillows.

"That's alright." Sakura smiled down at the boy. Looking around for potential witnesses and finding none, she moved a hand over his head and removed his infection.

The boy fell asleep, colour returning to his cheeks.

Sakura expected to wake up on the floor after fainting, but instead she found herself a little shaky and nauseous, but still standing upright.

She looked at her hand in amazement. She'd healed an entire crushed leg on her own after struggling to heal a man suffering severe injuries, and she hadn't passed out. Had she grown stronger somehow?

"Haruno-san! There are more patients in this room!" A harried-looking nurse called.

"Coming!" She called back, running as fast as she could. Michiko, though a traitorous spy and assassin, would have come in handy in a crisis like this.

A shinobi squad had been late returning from their mission so a rescue team was dispatched, and brought back all of them badly injured, having found them on the outskirts of Suna. The boy with the crushed leg had been one of the shinobi, just a genin.

Sakura spent the rest of the night rushing from room to room, healing mild injuries like cuts and scrapes and severe, life-threatening wounds.

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Gaara never expected her to come to work at his office if there had been an emergency at the hospital, but Sakura had slept for a solid six hours and woke up feeling fine, so she headed to the office to help Gaara with his endless mission reports.

Sakura still received stares whenever she walked through Suna, but most of them were merely interested, not hostile, and she grew used to the feeling of being observed.

Whenever Tsunade sent her letters now, they always referred to a 'deal' getting closer to coming together, and that Naruto was staying hidden to avoid Akatsuki's detection.

She smelled sulphur and looked around. A man stood behind her, short light-brown hair and matching eyes. He looked hugely bored. He was also following her.

To make sure she was being tailed by this man, Sakura walked up to the edge of the market, turned around and entered several different shops at random. She ended up in the small space with the desert willows and stone benches, and the man was still behind her, partially hidden by the crowd.

Sakura hid behind a wall and created a perfect clone of herself, complete with a distant, bored expression that didn't invite approach. She sent it off to walk out of Suna's gates and walk as far into the desert as her chakra would allow. She was interested to see how far the man would follow her.

She felt the clone politely push through the crowd, ignoring the man who was still watching her. Sakura sat down on a bench, hidden under the shade of the tree, and entered the clone's mind to take control of it.

As the clone, she quickly got to Suna's exit, and confidently walked through, nodding to the confused-looking shinobi on guard. She sensed the man follow her through the gates, his chakra surging as he did something to the guards to let him pass.

Her feet immediately sank into sand, and she hurriedly began to trudge through it. The sun was high in the sky and it was impossibly hot. The man was still behind her, she could hear the hiss of the sand as he walked.

Her toes were burnt in her sandals whenever she accidently kicked up too much sand as she trekked through the desert. She had left the shade of Suna's wall at this point. She took a long gulp of her cloned bottle of water.

The chakra flared behind her as she lifted the bottle and she whirled around.

The man had transformed, his hair was now long and blonde, his single eye was blue. He wore Akatsuki's black coat with red clouds, and his Iwa hitae-ate had a long scratch through it.

He put a chloroform-soaked rag over her mouth that was so strong the clone fell unconscious almost immediately. Sakura's control over the clone slipped and she saw realisation hit the man through her cloned eyes just before it exploded into smoke. The man had let out an angry snarl, furious at being tricked.

Sakura jumped back into her own body, shaking with adrenaline.

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Gaara, predictably, was not pleased.

"Akatsuki." He muttered, "In my village. Again."

"And this time we don't know what they want." Shikamaru added.

"Yes we do." Temari disagreed, "They want Sakura, alive. That tells us enough."

"Why would they want me though?" Sakura said, disgruntled.

"Competent medic and excellent fighter," Shikamaru began to tick the reasons off his fingers, "Already proven your worth by defeating one of their own."

"And a friend of Naruto's." Gaara said darkly.

"So what?" Shikamaru said, nonplussed.

"Shikamaru, could you give us a moment, please?" Temari asked suddenly, leaning forward to whisper something in his ear. He turned pink.

"I _heard_ that, Temari." Gaara said, sounding pained.

Shikamaru and Temari both reddened in embarrassment, and Shikamaru was more than happy to leave as a result.

When he'd gone, the mood grew more serious.

"Now that Naruto's vanished, it makes sense that Akatsuki would want to kidnap his loved ones and force them to reveal his location." Sakura sighed.

"It could be more than that." Temari said. At Sakura's confused expression, she continued, "You've made a name for yourself, Sakura. You were the hokage's apprentice, you took down Akasuna no Sasori and now you're the assistant and bodyguard of the Kazekage. What Shikamaru said could be true; they could simply want you to join them."

"They don't know you are against them. To them you are a strong kunoichi from Konoha. It is plausible." Gaara admitted.

"But I helped to kill one of them!" Sakura argued.

"They aren't exactly an organisation concerned with morality. I assume they don't care that you killed Sasori."

"But killing him proved I'm an enemy, right?"

Gaara was silent.

"Well, it seems like this guy followed you all the way out into the desert, right? And he tried to take you without harming you? Whatever they want you _for_, they'll have a hard time getting you now that we know about it." Temari said firmly.

Gaara nodded. "Double the guards around Sakura's building and around Suna's exit. Tell the guards the description of the infiltrator that Sakura gave us, though if he comes again it'll be with friends and under a different henge, I imagine."

"At what point of the day are you most vulnerable? The guards can protect you when you're asleep, but is there any point when you are alone in the day?" Gaara addressed Sakura.

"When I walk to the hospital in the morning if I have an early shift there's usually no one around. Also when I take lunch at around midday, I go down to the stone benches to eat under the desert willows." Sakura thought hard, "I'd be fairly vulnerable then."

"I was thinking more in terms of when you finished your shift. You walk back to your building, drained of chakra and physically exhausted, don't you? It would be relatively easier to capture you then." Gaara looked serious.

"Oh, yes that's right." Sakura frowned. Overlooking that could have been deadly.

"What should she do then? Sleep in the hospital?" Temari snorted.

Sakura perked up, "I can do that!" She'd been wanting to for a while, that way she could get the rest she required but heal a lot more patients.

"No." Gaara said, frustrated, "Don't be ridiculous."

"Other nurses do it!" Sakura protested.

"Senior nurses. Until you get promoted, you aren't allowed to stay after your shift," Gaara said, his tone final.

"She can sleep here." Temari suggested.

Gaara looked incredulous, "Where do you suggest I put her?"

The Kazekage's Compound was a restricted area for most people. Though Sakura was allowed to go where she liked, she certainly wasn't allowed to sleep in the same building as the Kazekage.

"In the guests' quarters." Temari jabbed a thumb to the right, indicating the section of apartments built for high-level guests, like visiting Kages.

Gaara seemed to be thinking about it. He breathed in sharply, "Fine. But, Sakura, you are to walk back from the hospital accompanied by at _least_ two other shinobi."

"But it's a two minute walk!" Sakura objected.

Gaara just gave her a look. "I can do that, no problem." Sakura said meekly.

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Her new bedroom was luxurious, heavy cream-coloured quilt and soft, feather-filled pillows on her bed. Her window had netting to keep out insects. The carpet was thick and white. She had her own bathroom. It had blue-tiled flooring and a massive bath sunk into the floor.

It was obviously intended to be the room of someone significantly more important than a lowly chuunin. Though, Sakura corrected herself, she was now actually the Kazekage's assistant and bodyguard – positions previously filled by a stressed out Temari – which meant she was actually entitled to rooms like these, had she the nous to demand it.

The cream-coloured quilt looked nice and was probably comfortable, but hardly practical in such a hot climate. And the white, soft carpet would be destroyed after she ran around in sand-covered shoes.

Sakura blinked, putting her bag down on the floor. When had she started thinking like a true resident of Suna, concerned with practicality instead of prettiness? She'd been a silly, empty-headed girl once, worried that training would give her unattractive muscles and stupidly not considering that long hair could be a nuisance for a ninja who lived in a forest-region.

Cicadas were singing raucously outside her window. The heat had grown intense to the point where Sakura's hair was a frizzy, sweaty pink mop on her head.

She stripped the bed of its expensive, thick quilt, and replaced it with a threadbare blanket instead. The pillows she kept, purely because they felt she was sinking into clouds when she touched them.

She had her icy-cold bath, as was her pre bed-time ritual. As she quietly shivered in the beautiful, massive bath, she looked across the bathroom and saw herself reflected in the mirror.

As she always did when she saw her reflection, Sakura slowly moved around and studied her arm. When it had first happened, her arm had been so mangled a sheet had been kept between her face and arm, to prevent her from seeing it and causing herself distress. On occasion blood would seep through the sheet, and Sakura would be filled with a terrible, vain kind of dread, what had happened to her arm?

As a twelve year old girl who fancied herself in love, having a scarred arm was a massive blow to her self-esteem. She remembered Tsunade-sama slowly removing the sheet – wincing when it stuck to the skin and pulled – revealing a pale arm with strips of flesh removed.

Sakura had vomited on her chest upon seeing her arm. She remembered the pity in Tsunade-sama's kind eyes.

Afterwards, when the sheet was removed, the other members of Team 7 had flooded into the room, Naruto burbling about how he was sure Sakura-chan's arm would be fine, Kakashi's single eye twisted in worry and Sasuke slinking in behind them, looking as though he'd rather be anywhere but there.

Tsunade had made them wait until she'd cleaned Sakura up, giving her a clean hospital gown to wear and washing the dried blood off the wound. She'd told Naruto to be quiet and warned him not to say anything about Sakura's arm.

Sakura remembered Naruto's smile dying when he saw the twisted remains of her arm. Kakashi had given a weary sigh that spoke volumes. Sasuke had looked once and then looked away immediately.

"Sakura-chan." Naruto said, shocked.

What had he thought, Sakura wondered, rinsing soap off her legs in the bath, that she'd have a tiny scar? He'd seen her being gripped by the sand and tossed away by the explosion.

"How are you feeling?" Kakashi-sensei said, in a noble attempt to be tactful.

Sakura's mouth had screwed up to ward off tears at that point. How was she feeling? She was deformed. Sasuke was staring furiously out of the window, just to avoid looking at her.

"Better." She smiled weakly, lying limply in the hospital bed.

Sasuke had looked back at her at that point. She'd seen something akin to pity and horror flit across his face, before he forced it back to its usual impassive mask.

"You should have forfeited." He said flatly.

"Shut up, teme!" Naruto growled.

"A ninja does not forfeit in fear of scars." Sakura recited the old ninja rule.

"And look where it got you." Sasuke said, disgusted, gesturing at her lying in the bed, arm useless.

"Sasuke." Kakashi-sensei said sharply.

She had tears in her eyes. Her back was burnt from the explosive tag and was sore to lie on, so she turned over slightly, resting on her good arm. This had her unintentionally exposing her back to Naruto.

"Sakura-chan!" He gasped, "Your back!"

Sakura could feel Kakashi-sensei's gentle hand on her side, moving her so he could see. He sucked in a breath sympathetically. "That must hurt like hell."

Sasuke, curiosity winning over pride, moved from the window to join Kakashi and Naruto in staring at her poor, burnt back.

Sakura could not see his reaction, but she heard his angry, "Che," and his footsteps as he stormed out.

"Sasuke! Get back here!" Naruto yelled, incensed.

"Naruto. It's OK. Sasuke's just upset." Kakashi-sensei said soothingly.

No he isn't, Sakura thought, tears spilling from her eyes. He's disgusted with me.

Water sloshed over the sides of the bath as Sakura got up abruptly, cutting off the maudlin track her memories were taking her on.

She was absolutely freezing. Perfect. She put on some light pyjamas and crawled into bed, eager to sleep.

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The next day was busy, she had to rush around sorting Gaara's files, quelling a minor chuunin rebellion – a few chuunin were being forced to do some jounin's dirty work and were not pleased about it – and when she eventually headed to the hospital, she was accompanied by two shinobi.

One was obviously just a chuunin; he looked nervous upon meeting her and addressed her as 'Haruno-san.' Her reputation was certainly growing.

The other was a friendly jounin. He reminded her a little of Shikamaru, he had a lazy grin and a twinkle in his eye. He was about five years older than her but it didn't stop him flirting with her all the way to the hospital.

"So, how come you two got forced into guarding me?" Sakura asked conversationally.

"I wasn't forced," The chuunin blushed, "I requested it." He had dark brown hair and looked about fifteen.

"I was forced," The jounin said, winking, "But after seeing you I don't mind at all."

Sakura stopped herself from returning his flirtatious smile. Now, now. Be professional, Sakura.

"Thanks." She said dryly.

It was nearly night-time, and there were only a few other people milling about on the street.

They reached the hospital and were met by a porter, an older man who seemed as nervous as the chuunin to meet her.

"Right," The jounin said, "This is where we leave you."

The chuunin made to leave the building, but the jounin held him back with an outstretched hand.

"Did you hear that?" The jounin said slowly.

A couple passed the hospital's double doors, laughing and holding hands. The moment they left, the jounin relaxed.

"Must have been nothing." The chuunin said, relieved.

Then the jounin slashed his throat with a kunai. Sakura's startled scream and surge of chakra was suppressed by the porter behind her, whose hands now covered her mouth. She smelt chloroform and slackened in his grasp.

"Finally." The jounin said, his henge melting away to reveal the blonde-haired Akatsuki member.

Sakura, furious and blind with terror, elbowed the man behind her with rib-cracking force. It didn't connect and she felt her eyes rolling in their sockets.

"Nighty-night." The blonde man grinned.

The world grew dark and faded away.

* * *

><p>The action begins! A virtual cookie for the first to guess who the porter and the jounin were! For anyone wondering why a high-risk target of Akatsuki would dare go around Suna with only a jounin and a chuunin as guards, remember, had Sakura not been tricked, she is a very competent kunoichi herself and would have raised a massive fuss, causing lots of shinobi to come to her aid.<p>

We finally get a more detailed description of poor Sakura's arm! For anyone who's having trouble picturing her scars, here you go: Her arm has strips of flesh missing, so she has purplish long scars going around her arm from her wrist to her forearm. She also has criss-crossing burns scars on both arms – though less on the other – and back. Her back is also fairly scarred, but as she would have been treated immediately I'm assuming they were only second-degree, and thus did not scar as much as they might have done.

Is anyone else mourning the poor chuunin? I totally am. I know that kid's back story. It has kicked puppies and orphans. Seriously.

I have never seen a cicada, by the way, I heard that they sang and are associated with the summer season in Japan (this fic is set in summer), so I thought it appropriate to add them, especially as they apparently like heat. I figured you'd get a lot in a desert village like Suna. If any of this is wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me.

Akasuna no Sasori, incidentally, means Sasori of the Red Sand.

Thank you all for your reviews! Don't hesitate to leave me long babbling ones. They're my favourite kind!


	5. Surviving scars

Sakura sat at the very back of the cell, head in her lap, staring at the ground. To anyone walking past it would have looked like a show of submission, but in reality Sakura was merely thinking hard.

She was a prisoner of the Akatsuki.

She'd been in that cell for two days now, with barely any food or water. She could smell urine on the air, sharp and nauseating, presumably from one of the other prisoners. They shouted sometimes, screaming and crying, pleading to be let out. Sakura hadn't been there long enough to get to that stage.

She certainly wasn't an honoured guest. Her guess was that they wanted her disoriented and frightened, which was why they'd placed her in this cell and left her for two days and nights, with only tortured screams for company. Her weapons had been confiscated, but her hitae-ate had been left on her head. That worried her.

Enemy nin liked to take away a prisoner's only real physical representation of their loyalty to their village: take the headband from the shinobi and watch their loyalty dwindle. Sakura didn't know why they'd leave it. The organisation's practise of scratching their hitae-ate when they joined flitted across Sakura's mind, but she pushed it away, not wanting to think about it.

Uchiha Itachi and the blonde explosives expert: they were the only members of Akatsuki Sakura knew of. Itachi had the Sharingan and was a renowned genius in his village – before the untimely massacre of his family – and Sakura knew she could never defeat him. The explosives expert was a relative unknown to her – she had only Naruto's angry mutters about clay to go on.

She was steadily building up her chakra, and practising suppressing it quickly, just in case a shinobi entered the dungeon and sensed it. She was ignoring the food, had smelt the faint odour of a rare herb that was used to deplete one's chakra. She wasn't stupid; she knew chances of escape had dwindled to single figures since she had been left alone in the cell. Her clothes stank and itched, she wanted to bathe almost more than she needed a drink.

She gave in to common sense and grabbed the stale, drugged bread. She hid it under the bed they'd provided. With a grimace, she wiped the plate clean of crumbs and rubbed a bit of saliva on it, to make it look as though she'd licked it clean. If they knew she was building her chakra, she'd soon lose it. It had taken every ounce of her self control not to pounce on the bread the moment it had been given to her. Her stomach was tearing itself apart in hunger.

Sakura was so terrified she was finding it hard to gather her thoughts. This was it for her – she knew she would never, ever join them and she also knew they'd have to torture her to get them to tell them anything about Naruto. There was no way out except escape.

Her enhanced strength and ability to heal wounds the moment they occurred were her only chance. Akatsuki were S-ranked missing nins. She was a chuunin who'd barely passed her exam. It wasn't difficult to imagine who'd win if a fight broke out.

As if her thoughts had summoned them, there was a quick rattling of metal and a creak as the door to the dungeon was pushed open. The heavy tread of one person thudded down the corridor of cells. The screams and pleadings stopped gradually as the cells' occupants saw who had entered the dungeon, so Sakura knew it was someone frightening.

She sat cross-legged on the stone ground, legs neatly tucked under herself, hands in her lap. She must have been an odd sight, a woman with tangled hair and ripped clothing sitting demurely in a prison cell. She kept her eyes on the floor as the footsteps grew louder.

A man she didn't recognise stopped by her cell. He had blue skin. That pegged him as a former resident of Mist, then. He wore a black robe with red clouds. Akatsuki.

When she looked up she immediately locked eyes with him. He smiled, showing razor-sharp teeth.

"Are you here to kill me?" Sakura asked, though she knew it wasn't so. They would never have sent a missing-nin to kill one little half-starved, supposedly chakra-depleted kunoichi.

"Nope. C'mon, I've not got all day." The man unlocked her cell and let her out.

Sakura wiped her palms on her legs delicately before pushing herself up, making sure to wobble convincingly, a weak, chakra-depleted girl. It worked; she saw open scorn flit across the shark-man's face.

He grabbed her arm as she passed, pulling her to him. She cringed.

"You barely weigh anything, huh? Take my arm, come on," She gripped his arm with the slack weakness of a girl left in a tiny cell for two days, "Sorry about this, but Leader-sama's hugely paranoid."

He hit her in the neck, a light jab, making sure not to damage anything. Sakura went limp in his arms, passing out almost instantly.

She awoke on a bench, smelling sulphur and blood. She kept her eyes shut and continued to breathe deeply, even treating her audience to an eyelid flicker or two to indicate dreaming. She pushed up a tiny amount of chakra, enough to make them believe she was running out.

The chakra signatures she sensed were the most terrifying and bloodthirsty she'd ever felt. These men were monsters.

"Why won't she wake up?" The shark-man said, irritated.

"You hit her too hard." A deep voice with the hoarseness Sakura associated with Iwa nin.

"Sakura-san, please open your eyes. I can see that you are awake." A calm voice said.

Sakura opened her eyes and immediately howled in pain, clutching her face.

"Shit! Put the lamps out!" The Iwa nin shouted.

"Tobi will do it!" A cheerful voice said gleefully.

Two long days and nights in a pitch-black cell meant that even dim lighting stung her eyes viciously.

The light from the lamps dulled and Sakura's eyes stopped stinging so fiercely. She blinked tears of pain.

She kept her eyes on the ground. With Akatsuki there was every chance Sasuke's brother could be around, and the man who called her 'Sakura-san' sounded an awful lot like Sasuke…

"Please look up, Sakura-san." He said patiently.

She clenched her jaw and pushed her head down further. She would not look at this evil man. She was too wary of his sharingan.

"Oh, for…" With a bitten-off exclamation of irritation, the shark-man gripped her chin and forced her head up.

The shark-man looked immensely irritated. Standing next to him was the blonde shinobi who'd caught her, grinning madly. Sakura kept her eyes on the blonde man, ignoring the third man she'd seen in the corner of her eye. He had dark hair and pale skin, that was all she could tell.

"You killed that chuunin." Sakura said steadily, looking at the blonde. She pretended they couldn't all see her legs shaking.

"Yep." He replied, "You were a bitch to kidnap, you know? Took months to get spies into the building you lived in, then you moved to the Kazekage Compound, of all places. Wasn't hard to get one of the senior shinobi to appoint me and that weakling to be your guards. We thought it'd be harder, taking you down."

"Says the man who blindly followed a clone into a desert." Sakura replied, injecting scorn into her voice. She was so frightened it was a massive effort to remain standing, to not just collapse onto the ground.

"That clone was made with perfect chakra-control." The polite dark-haired man said, "It was near identical to the real thing."

"Tobi helped capture you!" A tall man wearing a swirling orange mask said proudly. At her confused look, he obligingly performed henge and became the hospital porter again, "Tobi was a porter for a whole day! Tobi was very busy!"

"Tobi needs to shut the –" The blonde man said with a growl, but the dark-haired man cut him off.

"Sakura-san, I imagine you are very frightened and confused. It is not the common practise that Akatsuki sends four of its members to greet a new one –"

"No." Sakura said abruptly.

They all turned to look at her.

"I am not going to join you, so kill me already." Sakura said with courage she did not feel.

"You have not yet looked at me, Sakura-san." The polite voice said silkily.

She lifted a shoulder in a painful attempt at a nonchalant shrug.

"You know who I am, don't you?"

"Uchiha Itachi." Sakura whispered.

"Correct. Then, you know what I can do?"

"I have lived with the constant reminder of what your actions can do." Sakura said tersely

"Ah yes… My little brother. He was your teammate."

Sakura bit back the sudden surge of hatred she felt.

Kisame whistled. "Phew, your chakra just surged like crazy."

Sakura reined her chakra in at once.

"Wow, you really hate Itachi-senpai, don't you?" Tobi said delightedly.

"Your chakra control is perfect. You can enhance your strength. You have an unexploited talent for genjutsu. On top of that, you are a medic second only to the Godaime Hokage of Konoha." Itachi said smoothly.

"And you're less guarded to boot." Kisame grinned.

"We are in need of a capable medic." Itachi said, and Sakura could feel his hateful gaze tracing her face.

"There are at least a hundred medics out there more capable than I. I'm sure you can find at least one among them that _wants_ to join you." Sakura said, breathing out shakily.

"You think I joined by choice?" The blonde snorted.

"You're wearing the cloak." Sakura pointed out. She wasn't trying to mock him but he still snarled and leapt at her.

Tobi held him back.

"I say we just kill her." The blonde said, blue eye shining with some strong emotion, "She doesn't want to join us. She killed Sasori-no-danna!"

"Deidara." Itachi said sharply.

He picked up a folded up cloak. "You would not be a true member, which means you would not get a ring. You would, however, be required to wear this." He held up the cloak.

Sakura looked into his eyes for the first time. They were blood-red and thickly lashed, almost feminine.

"I will not join you." She said loudly.

Kisame sighed, "It would have been great to have a medic on hand after missions."

"We have had people tailing you for a while now, Sakura-san. We are aware who your loved ones are." Itachi said. His eyes had grown cold.

Sakura froze.

"Uzumaki Naruto, for one." Itachi held up the cloak again.

Sakura unconsciously gave a contemptuous snort. "You cannot threaten me with the death of a jinchuuriki. I know what your plan is. I'm aware that you will kill him, regardless of whether I join you or not and I'll be damned if I help you do it."

"What about your mother?" Itachi asked, his voice silky, "Or your grandmother? Or your other best friend, Yamanaka Ino?"

Sakura bit her lip angrily to keep the retort from getting out. Fuck you, she thought furiously, don't touch them.

"Quieter now, un. Funny that." Deidara smirked.

She wanted to say they wouldn't manage it. But she remembered, Deidara was capable of bombing entire villages and Itachi had proven himself capable of massacring large numbers of shinobi at a young age. No amount of guards could save her loved ones.

Sakura put her head in her hands, a despairing gesture she used to buy her time to think. Ino had one shinobi family member, and was herself average in combat. She wouldn't survive. Naruto had a far better chance. Her mother and grandmother were as good as dead if she didn't join.

"What would you want me to do for Akatsuki?" She finally asked, raising her head.

"You would be a member. You would go on missions and would use your skills as a medic nin to heal other members." Itachi said.

"No." Sakura's eyes slid away from him. "I can't."

"Then your mother, your grandmother, your friend and countless others will die."

"And how many will die when I join?" Sakura said fiercely, "How many innocent people would I have to kill?"

"As many as you have to." Itachi's eyes flashed.

"Forget it."

"Bye bye Grandma." Kisame murmured.

"I'll protect them," Sakura said fiercely though her voice trembled, "You won't touch them."

"How will you protect them, Sakura-san?" Itachi put the cloak back, "How would you even get out of this room?"

Sakura snapped. "I hate you." She said feelingly.

Itachi paused in his movements, "Why?"

For a moment Sakura just stood there with the knowledge that she was about to die. She swallowed her fear and used all the years of anger and bitterness and threw it at him, "_Because of what you did to Sasuke_. He was six years old."

In an instant she was on the floor.

Itachi was bent over her prone form, kunai at her throat. "You will join us, or you and your loved ones will die." He murmured.

Sakura shuddered. Forgive me, she thought, directing the silent plea towards Naruto, Ino, her mother and grandmother.

"Then I'm going to have to die." She said simply.

The kunai pressed into her throat. She hissed in pain.

"Don't be a fool." Kisame said.

Tobi bounced around anxiously.

Sakura gritted her teeth and ignored the compulsion to scream.

She twisted in his grasp and kicked out a leg. He caught it easily like she hoped he would, and Sakura knocked the kunai from his limp grip.

She kicked out with her other leg, surprising him into movement.

"Why is her chakra suddenly much stronger?" Itachi's voice was like ice.

Deidara and Kisame exchanged glances.

Sakura threw a fist down at the floor.

The Akatsuki members threw themselves out of the way. Tobi appeared to wriggle out of harm's reach.

The floor became a smoking hole in the ground.

"Shit!" Sakura heard Deidara exclaim.

Sakura felt, rather than saw, Itachi coming. She snapped into action and enhanced her speed with chakra, leaping off the ground with explosive force and meeting Itachi in mid-air.

She sliced a muscle in his arm. His expression did not change, though it had to have been extremely painful.

He let her come at him and then blocked her monstrous punch by grabbing her wrist and snapping it. Sakura, ignoring the awful, searing pain in her wrist, directed chakra to heal it instantly, and kicked out at Itachi, grazing his chest and sending him flying backwards.

She landed on all fours. Itachi calmly walked out of the dust still pouring from the crater she'd made in the ground.

"It's been fun kicking you around," Sakura said viciously, "But it's no fun fighting in a genjutsu."

Itachi just looked at her. The corner of his mouth twitched into a smirk.

He released the jutsu. The crater in the ground was gone. The other Akatsuki members looked unharmed.

"How did you know?" Itachi asked, the traces of the smirk still lingering.

"You were the only one who fought me. You also should have been favouring your arm when I sliced that muscle." Sakura said, breath coming in gasps, still caught in the adrenaline rush of the genjutsu.

"Send her for torture." Itachi rubbed his arm, "She'll be more reasonable after a few sessions."

"I'm not afraid of pain." Sakura said, her eyes blazing. And it was true; all of a sudden she was not scared. She would not die a traitor in an Akatsuki cloak. She would die a shinobi of Konoha. And as the Kazekage's loyal assistant and bodyguard.

"Trust me, kid," Kisame smirked, "You're just a chuunin, right? You've not felt real pain yet."

"Don't patronise me. I'm a shinobi. I faced mental torture at the hands of Orochimaru when I was twelve. I took a sword in the stomach in a fight with Akasuna no Sasori." It was such an effort to keep up the bravado, to boast about her most terrifying and painful memories.

"We all have scars." Itachi closed his eyes, "We would like not to add more to you. By joining Akatsuki you can have the power to protect your loved ones."

"But not Naruto." Sakura said shrewdly.

"It's your choice."

Braveness was difficult to cling to when you knew what awaited you. Sakura tipped her head back and made her decision, "Torture, then."

Itachi turned away. "Kisame?"

The shark-man pulled out his sword. "This will hurt," He said, "But it's the fastest way of draining your chakra."

Sakura's arms were held captive by Deidara as Kisame swung his sword.

It ripped through her shoulder.

Sakura thought she might have cried out. She'd gone dizzy with the pain and blacked out for a moment.

She was led out of the room, limping and bleeding, as Itachi watched.

xxxxxxxx

Time seemed longer somehow. Minutes stretched into hours.

Sakura looked up at the ceiling.

A man bent over her arm, something sharp in his hand.

She closed her eyes.

xxxxxxxx

Her cell was cold. The walls were concrete and the rocky floor felt like daggers beneath her back. She pulled herself onto the bed with great difficulty.

She lay there for hours. Her entire body was on fire. Every individual section of her ached, stung, throbbed and hurt. Her scarred arm had been paid a lot of attention. She felt blood seeping onto the sheets and readjusted her position so she wasn't lying in a pool of it.

At some points she had wanted to die so badly she had begged.

But she had not died. She managed to clench her fists weakly. She had not given in. She hadn't said a word about Naruto, just screamed and pleaded.

Gaara would be proud of her. Sakura felt the tears come slowly. And what would Sasuke think? Would he finally acknowledge her as a ninja? Would he even care?

The dust on the walls fell down as the whole world shook beneath her. She held on tightly to the bed.

Chakra surged and died just as quickly all around her, the sound of metal screeching against metal and shouts reverberated down the damp corridors.

An explosion threw her off the bed. Her ears felt like they'd been cut off, nausea rose in her stomach and there was an intense ringing in her head.

She lay on the floor, half tangled up in the blanket, listening to the sounds of a far-off battle.

Please find me, she thought, slightly dazed from the explosion.

She curled up in the blanket and squeezed her eyes shut.

xxxxxxxx

She awoke in a brightly-lit room. It was a familiar, clinical white. A middle-aged woman bent over her to check her IV drip. Sakura, in a drugged haze, noted that the woman was crying. She looked slightly familiar.

She was swathed in bandages. She could smell her own rare herbs, the present from Tsunade.

"Tsunade-sama?" She said. Her voice came out a confused whine. Something wet dripped along her cheekbone.

The middle aged woman wiped Sakura's face, "Not yet, dear. She's coming."

Sakura turned over in the bed and a man was walking towards her. His head was a flesh-coloured blur but the redness of his hair came out in sharp focus.

"Gaara-san." Sakura whispered.

The blurred form of Gaara said nothing, but sat down at her bedside.

_Shouldn't you be working_, she wanted to say, but all that came out was, "…working?"

What appeared to be Gaara's head shook. "Not today." He said. Sakura's hearing was off. Gaara's voice seemed to be trembling.

Check my ears; she wanted to tell the nurse. My balance is off and I can't hear properly.

"…Wanted me to join." Sakura managed to say. She smiled. The nurse did something painful to her side and she gasped in pain.

Her vision was returning.

"The drugs are wearing off, Kazekage-sama." The nurse said.

Gaara's facial features sharpened. Sakura could see him clearly if she focused.

Temari suddenly appeared at Gaara's side. Sakura blinked. She had certainly not been there before.

"…Gaara, you've been here for hours." Temari said, "Go get some rest."

"The hokage is coming and I have to meet her." Gaara said, staring at Sakura's face fixedly.

"She won't be here for a while. Sleep, Gaara." Temari said pleadingly.

"Sleep." Sakura repeated hazily.

Temari wiped her dry eyes. It was a habit Sakura had always found endearing in the older kunoichi.

Sakura was gently turned over and a plaster was peeled back carefully. It stung.

She suddenly recognised the nurse as a co-worker of hers. She was a kindly woman who'd acted as a surrogate mother of sorts to her.

"Chie-san." Sakura mumbled.

"That's right, Sakura. Now get some rest." Chie said sweetly before turning away and wiping her face.

"Has Naruto been told?" Gaara asked Temari.

"I don't know. I'll get right on it, Gaara."

"What about Kakashi?"

"He's with the team escorting the hokage."

"I've missed Kakashi-sensei." Sakura confided in them.

"Sakura." Gaara said. His voice contained no emotion and yet it was said so strongly that Sakura made an effort to keep her eyes open to look at him, "I'm sorry."

Sakura only smiled and sank back into her pillows.

xxxxxxxx

A hand was placed on her forehead, cool and comforting. Sakura could see green flickering through her eyelids. Her head cleared, and she opened her eyes.

"Tsunade-sama." She said, surprised, as the hokage pulled her into a gentle hug.

"Sakura, you stupid, brave girl." Tsunade said, her voice harsh with emotion.

She pulled back. Tsunade looked just the same as always, like a beautiful young woman with blonde hair and hazel eyes.

Gaara sat beside her bed in his Kazekage robes, missing only his hat.

Sakura opened her mouth to speak but found she had no energy and just slumped back down. The faint trill of birds and the window's pinkish haze told her it was morning.

"We managed to send an encrypted message to Naruto. We think he'll have gotten it by now. He'll come see you soon." Tsunade said gently, her hazel eyes blurred with unshed tears.

"I didn't tell them anything." Sakura wheezed and coughed.

"I know you didn't." Tsunade bit her lip.

"How did you get me out?" Sakura asked.

"It was all Gaara." Tsunade gestured towards the Kazekage.

A muscle was leaping in his jaw and he was breathing harder than usual. He made an effort to appear impassive. "The chuunin was found by a nurse. She healed his throat and he managed to give us a thorough description of the men who captured you, and the direction they were heading in. Nin dogs sniffed out your scent easily, you always carry strong-smelling herbs in your pockets, don't you? Elite shinobi squads chased Akatsuki for hours. They were led on many false trails. They finally found a base in Iwa that had traces of your scent. Kankuro led the team who eventually forced their way in. At this point the Akatsuki members had fled, though they had managed to pick off quite a few squads at this point. Konoha's shinobi squads began converging on the area, and together they found you. They thought they were too late, you'd lost a lot of blood and hadn't eaten for days." Gaara stopped speaking and just stared out of the window, chin resting on his hands.

"If they hadn't used the herbs I gave you to track your scent, they wouldn't have been able to save you." Tsunade said.

Sakura pushed herself up to rest on her elbows. She looked at herself, bandaged and plastered, hooked up to an IV drip and weak from loss of blood. She could see the bitter regret in Tsunade's eyes and the anger in Gaara's clenched jaw. She breathed in and thought. She would have many new scars. She could cry about it, like she did last time, and make everyone who cared about her feel worse about it.

Or she could remember that she was a shinobi. Every shinobi had scars.

The sound of her own screams echoing off the walls and taunting her resounded in her mind. She shivered, rubbing her arms in a self-comforting gesture. It would take a long time to heal.

Tsunade picked up Sakura's medical file and flipped through it. Her face was grim. "Multiple fractions and contusions. Three broken fingers. A shattered thigh bone. Both legs were burnt. You _had_ a concussion but it was quickly healed. Many cuts and scrapes. One broken ankle. You wouldn't have survived the torture, Sakura, had you not had the chakra to heal yourself. We could see that your wrist had been broken but it was then set and expertly healed. Minor scrapes… You are very lucky to still be here." Tsunade sighed and put the file down.

Sakura's entire body was numb to the point of being unable to actually feel anything. She could move sluggishly, but could not feel her hand rubbing her arm.

"I focused on healing your arm, Sakura." Tsunade said, gesturing to Sakura's bad arm. It was swathed in bandages, "They… the damage was bad. You might have lost the ability to move your fingers on your right hand." She said it very quickly, as though the bad news would be easier to hear if said hastily.

Sakura tried to move her right hand. It twitched in response, like a pale spider lying by her side. It was useless. "Damn it." Sakura said furiously. She was past tears. She was so frustrated with being injured, left ugly and scarred. She could deal with a few extra stares, could deal with more scars to avoid in the mirror but she could not deal with losing her hand.

"No." She said, too loudly. Tsunade looked startled and Gaara finally dragged his gaze away from the window, "I can heal this. I'll study hard. I can fix it."

"Sakura," Tsunade looked stricken, "It's all nerve damage. It's too complex."

"You healed Lee. You reversed the effects of the damage Itachi did to Sasuke's mind. I'm not going to give up. I need both hands to heal people." Sakura bent forward in the bed and stared at her right hand, "I was going to be promoted to Senior Nurse." She whispered.

Gaara looked agitated, "You still can –"

"I can fix it." Sakura said resolutely.

I will not stay a broken tragic figure in a hospital bed, Sakura thought, with steely resolve.

* * *

><p>Harsh, I know. But I couldn't have Sakura be captured by Akatsuki and merrily dance her way out. What would the point of her capture be then? It must seem like I hate Sakura, just throwing endless disabilities and disfigurements her way, but this is the thematic core of the story: ugliness, scars. Sakura in canon, in my opinion, was too concerned with how she looked and what other people thought of her. I do want to stay true to her character, but I want to fix her self-esteem and her perception of strength.<p>

By the way, there is absolutely nothing worse than a story where the characters are all OOC. I hate it. So if any (or all) characters are in any way not like their canon selves, just tell me and I'll try to fix it. The hardest characters to write were the Akatsuki members. I am totally unfamiliar with their personalities and online research didn't really tell me much. If they came across as rather tame, I apologise.

Make sure to be kind in your critiques, there's nothing worse than being excited to get a review and then finding out it's listing all your bad qualities, lol! But I really do like getting critiques, oddly enough.

Also, who is your favourite Naruto character?

Mine's Hinata. She shows you don't have to be physically strong to be a strong female character.

I never used to update this regularly!


	6. Guilty scars

Kakashi was sitting in the chair usually occupied by Gaara. Sakura had just opened her eyes and seen her sensei with his head in his hands at her bedside. She politely closed her eyes before he could notice that she had seen him, waiting for him to compose himself. For once the ubiquitous Icha Icha book was not in his hands.

When she heard a rustle of clothing she opened her eyes once more. Kakashi looked at her. There was regret in his single eye.

"Late again." Sakura gave a tiny smile.

She may as well have punched him in the face. Kakashi reeled back visibly, guilt creasing his forehead.

"I was joking, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura said, horrified at his reaction.

Kakashi's eye crinkled upwards, indicating a smile, "Yeah, me too." He said playfully.

Sakura pulled herself up with her good arm and slid over in the bed to hold Kakashi's hand, which had been resting on the bed.

A minute passed by in which Kakashi gazed at her wounds. He finally squeezed her hand back and said, "I wish you had stayed in Konoha."

"I don't," Sakura said cheerfully, "I get paid more here."

"Is that so? Probably more than your poor old sensei, earning barely enough to –"

"-cover his enormous Icha Icha habit!" Sakura finished his sentence with an impish grin.

"Oh! Such cruelty! I was going to say heating bills!"

Sakura laughed.

Kakashi stayed with her for a few, light-hearted hours, in which they chatted about nothing in particular and ignored the subject of Sakura's torture.

She knew he would not leave it for long, so when he abruptly stopped laughing and became serious she braced herself for his questioning.

"Sakura, I've heard that you're planning on trying to heal your hand on your own." He said. It was in the tone of a parent who has caught their child trying to fly or trying to achieve some other impossible dream. He was going to try to make her see sense. Make her give up on her dream, "It cannot be done. Tsunade-sama said that the nerve damage was too complex, you would have to reverse the torture's effects on every nerve in your –"

"Then that is what I will do." Sakura said severely. Why couldn't they just give her this hope? She was so utterly defeated by life thus far, why couldn't they allow her a small slice of triumph? "Kakashi-sensei, I'm becoming a stronger medic everyday. I was going to be promoted to Senior Nurse. I've pulled poison from victims without damaging them; I've created antidotes that no one had ever even conceived. If Naruto can be Hokage and Sasuke can kill his brother then I can heal myself. It's a much smaller goal and you never laughed at either of them –"

"I'm not laughing at you," Kakashi-sensei said, frustrated, "What Naruto and Sasuke want is not impossible. What you want has never been done before. There have always been Kages and quests for vengeance but your arm is so badly damaged that Tsunade-sama herself cannot heal it. You need to accept it, Sakura."

"I can't be a shinobi in this state! I can't be Senior Nurse, let alone the Kazekage's assistant and bodyguard! You're asking me to accept that I'll never fight or heal again!"

Kakashi appeared taken aback. Sakura nearly laughed out loud. He had honestly expected her to just give up. Oh well, did my best but now my arm's ruined I'm going to settle down into a life of uselessness once more! She scoffed. Maybe before, twelve years old and newly scarred, she would have given up. Happily gave back her hitae-ate and got a new job as an Academy instructor, or something equally tame.

Sakura softened when he looked speechless, "I know you mean well, Kakashi-sensei. But I'm determined. If it all ends badly then I'll just have to accept it but for now I'm not going to just let it go. I have to at least _try_."

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "When did you become Naruto?"

There was a polite flare of chakra at the doorway and Sakura looked up to see Temari and Shikamaru.

"Temari! Shikamaru!" Sakura greeted them happily. She had forgotten how worried they must have been, for they could only muster weak smiles at her cheerfulness.

Kakashi got up considerately to offer Temari his seat. She shook her head with a slight smile and settled for standing beside Sakura's bed with Shikamaru holding her hand.

"I'm sorry, Sakura." Temari said simply. Her eyes twitched towards Sakura's near useless hand.

"Don't be. I'm going to heal it." Sakura said firmly.

Shikamaru gave a lazy grin, "Never doubted you for a second. You know you're gonna be a legend now, right?"

A confused frown creased Sakura's forehead, "What?"

"The Rokudaime's ex-teammate, defeated Akasuna no Sasori, survived torture from the Akatsuki and never said a word –" Shikamaru drawled, but was interrupted by Temari hitting his shoulder, outraged.

"Shikamaru!"

"It's fine. It's true after all. I wonder if I'll get a title?" Sakura said, eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Too many visitors!" Chie burst into the room, "The Kazekage explicitly said two visitors or less!"

"That's OK, Chie-san, he's not a visitor." Sakura lied, pointing at Kakashi.

"He isn't?" Chie said suspiciously.

"No, he's my guard."

"Oh." Chie's eyes grew wet instantly, "Of course. I'm so sorry, Sakura-chan."

Chie was a lovely woman, Sakura thought, but she took things to heart to easily.

The nurse, seemingly wanting to do something useful, came over and adjusted Sakura's pillows.

"Are you in any pain?" Chie asked.

Kakashi watched silently.

"My back's started to sting a little." Sakura admitted with a grimace.

"When did it start hurting?"

"This morning."

Chie looked exasperated. You were supposed to report signs of the numbing wearing off straight away, but Sakura had been distracted by her visitor to give the stinging much thought.

The older nurse gestured for Sakura to turn around. She rolled over, lying down on her stomach.

"This will hurt for a bit." Chie warned, injecting a numbing agent into her spine. It was designed to block pain signals from reaching the brain, but allowed basic movement, whereas before the pain relief rendered the patient totally immobile.

Sakura winced at the feeling of metal digging into her back. Then it was over and she rolled back onto her newly numb back. It felt odd, as though she was lying on marshmallow.

"Who's covering for me as Gaara-san's assistant?" Sakura asked fuzzily, the numbing affecting her jaw and tongue.

"I was," Temari gave a weary sigh, "Gaara's temporarily sacked me because I was annoying him."

Sakura hid a smile. That did sound like Gaara. "How are you annoying him?"

"By nagging him to take breaks and sleep. Also," Temari paused. She looked at Shikamaru, seemingly for support. He just shrugged. Kakashi feigned disinterest, getting out his book, but his eye was sharp and aware, "I'm trying to get him to visit you."

Sakura's smile faltered. Gaara didn't want to see her? "Well, it's only to be expected. He's the Kazekage, he's too busy to –"

"Bull," Temari said bluntly, "He's avoiding you."

Sakura ran her good hand through her hair, wincing whenever she struck a knot or a tangle, "Why?"

"I don't know. Who can tell with Gaara? All I know is, normally an _invasion_ wouldn't stop him seeing if a member of staff was alright."

Sakura avoided Kakashi's inquisitive gaze. Her sensei was more perceptive than he let on. Even she didn't know why Gaara's refusal to visit hurt her so much.

"Tell him I'm fine." Sakura tried to smile but, lying partially numb and bandaged from her toes to her chin, it was difficult. She was quite obviously not fine.

"Oh!" She jolted up in bed, startling Temari and her fiancé. Kakashi never looked away from his beloved book, "Is Kankuro alright? I know he led the shinobi squad that rescued me…"

"He was determined to repay the favour, you know? He couldn't bear seeing Gaara like that – out of his mind with worry. He's totally fine. He never came up against any of Akatsuki. Lost one of his smaller puppets to a trap, but he doesn't care." Temari said carelessly. Sakura knew better, Kankuro would at this very minute probably be mourning the loss of his beloved puppet.

"Out of his mind with worry?" Kakashi-sensei repeated, politely incredulous.

Sakura carefully kept her eyes on a scrape on her hand.

"Gaara cares about all of Suna's residents." Temari said coldly.

"Yes, but Sakura isn't a resident of Suna."

"Yes I am." It was Sakura's turn to look incredulous, "I'm not here on holiday!"

Kakashi just shrugged.

"Temari, you never told Sakura the news." Shikamaru changed the subject hastily.

Temari started in surprise. "I completely forgot. We aren't getting married next month, Sakura; we're postponing it for now."

"What? Why?" Sakura said, aghast.

Temari shifted awkwardly. "We couldn't get married without you there, Sakura."

"Temari!" Sakura said, touched.

"As touching as this is," Kakashi drawled, "Do you two mind if I have a quick word with my student?"

Temari excused herself with an irritated scowl. She dropped a tiny fan in Sakura's lap, her present. Shikamaru slowly followed after her.

Chie seemed reluctant to leave, though Kakashi clearly intended this to be a two-person conversation.

"Chie-san, can I get some water please?" Sakura asked politely.

The older nurse flushed, "Of course!"

Kakashi waited until she left. He got up and locked the door.

"Is all this necessary?" Sakura asked.

"Yep," Kakashi sat back down, "I have news. Tsunade's had a deal going for a while and it's nearly come together. The final nail in the coffin was Orochimaru's death."

Sakura felt herself sway in her bed. She swallowed, feeling sweat begin to bead on her forehead, "Then, Sasuke -?"

"It seems he's the one who killed him. Orochimaru's latest base was ransacked by Konoha Anbu. There was no one there."

Sakura wiped her face absently. Sasuke had killed Orochimaru. How? How had he gotten stronger than his teacher?

"What's this deal Tsunade-sama's been making?"

Kakashi studied her face. He shook his head. "I'm not allowed to tell you. I just want you emotionally prepared. You need to know that it'll be happening soon, and it does concern you."

"But what is happening? Is it a… an arranged marriage or something?"

"No! Although there was that forty-year old lord in…" Kakashi's eye crinkled in a grin.

"Kakashi-sensei, be serious." Sakura scolded him.

He sobered up, "OK. I genuinely can't tell you. But be prepared for the worst."

xxxxxxxx

Sakura, deprived of her usual ice-bath, was unable to sleep that night. She was drenched in sweat, her bad arm was aching and the burns on her legs were beginning to sting again. She could easily summon a nurse but she knew what it was like on the night-shift, deprived of sleep and faced with a hospital full of unhappy patients.

And she was finding it hard looking at Chie, knowing she may never get to where the older woman was. Her own fragile little goal, too small and too personal to admit even to herself. Senior Nurse.

So when the door handle clicked open, Sakura's insides clenched in pure fear. She looked around the room hastily, searching for a weapon. There was nothing! No needles, no handy kunai lying around…

She quickly checked her chakra reserves. Her chakra struggled to flare underneath the numbing medicine.

The door opened. Sakura panicked. Itachi, blood-red eyes gleaming malevolently at her…

Gaara stepped through the doorway quietly. He shut the door behind himself. Sakura, hugely annoyed at being frightened, managed to flare her chakra violently to startle him.

He froze; hand still on the door handle.

"Gaara-san. Visiting hours are up." Sakura called out playfully. The Kazekage could wander around the hospital peeping into every patient's room should the desire take him, he could certainly visit his assistant in the middle of the night if he wanted to.

Gaara turned, face guarded. He just stood there for a moment, looking like there was some internal struggle going on, before he gave in and sat down next to her bed.

"Sakura. I didn't mean to wake you." He said. The bags under his eyes were more pronounced than usual; he looked pale and drawn in the faint moonlight the hospital blinds allowed to spill into the room.

"You didn't, I couldn't sleep."

"Insomnia must be catching." Gaara said, with a self-deprecating shrug.

Sakura watched him closely. His hands were clenched into fists in his lap, his forehead was twisted in barely-concealed anger and he was tense all over. He was beyond furious.

"I'm sorry I got caught –" Sakura started to say, but was interrupted by a popping sound.

They both looked at the gourd's cork rolling on the hospital floor. Sand hissed out of the gourd. Gaara squeezed his eyes shut.

"Gaara…" Sakura said warily.

"Why do you always do that? Accept blame for things you had no control over, act like everything's your fault? How can you possibly sit there and apologise to me for being captured under my watch and brutally tortured?" Gaara was getting visibly more agitated by the second; his hand had reached up to clutch his face.

"Gaara!"

"You can never use your hand again! You're even more scarred than before and it is my fault again!" He exploded with rage.

"Didn't you just get mad at me for blaming myself for things I hadn't done?" Sakura said lightly, trying to point out this little slice of hypocrisy.

"I did this! I let the sand tear strips out of your arm when you lay defenceless; I was the one who was supposed to keep you safe! I'm the Kazekage of this village; they all depend on me…!" The sand whirled around Sakura's bed.

She froze, gripped in fear. This sand had crushed her body once, had gripped her and thrown her and ripped her arm to bloody shreds.

"I let Akatsuki into my village three times! It's my fault!" Gaara howled, his eyes filled with anguish and guilt.

Sakura tried to jump out of the bed to hold him, to grab his shaking shoulders and console him, but only succeeded in sliding off the bed, her IV being ripped out painfully and every injury lit on fire the moment she touched the ground.

She screamed in pure agony.

Gaara sank to his knees next to her, shaking hands inches away from her face, looking horrified.

Sakura flinched away from his touch, quivering in fear. The sand from her nightmares was slithering around the floor, pulling at the bed sheets she was trapped in, sliding over her leg….

"Gaara!" Kankuro yelled, running to his brother's side and dropping down next to him, "Shit!"

Gaara flung his brother away from him with the sand and then froze, seeming to realise what he had done. He slowly gazed at Kankuro, cursing and rubbing his side, before turning to Sakura, blood leaking through her bandages and tears of pain in her eyes.

"Kankuro," He said helplessly.

"I'll deal with this Gaara, you go get some sleep." Kankuro patted his brother on the back and pointed to the door.

Gaara went to leave but looked back once. Kankuro was lifting Sakura back onto the bed carefully. She was crying in pain.

The door clicked shut behind him.

Kankuro had a nasty cut on his forehead and a twisted ankle. Temari had neglected to mention that Kankuro had been hurt and was a patient in the hospital, probably to stop Sakura from worrying.

"Shit, are you OK? I'll get a nurse." Kankuro hurried out of the room.

Sakura's bad hand left lying uselessly on her chest. It had been what had prevented her from getting out of the bed, she had tried to shift her weight to a hand that didn't work and as a result had slipped.

She wiped the tears away furiously. Her cuts had reopened and her burns stung viciously.

One of the bandages on her scarred arm had unravelled slightly, giving her a glimpse of the skin underneath. It was bright red and sticky with blood. Sakura looked around carefully to see if anyone was coming, her breath still coming in ragged gasps.

Her good hand began to glow green. She brushed it over her scarred arm, and watched the redness fade. Breathless with triumph, she prodded the area she had healed. There was no pain. She still had some chakra. She turned over slightly, and let her hand wash away the damage in her lungs. She breathed easily for the first time in days.

Torture couldn't change the fact that she was still a good medic. She could heal herself.

It was so odd… when she had first been scarred, she had reacted so badly… made such a massive fuss. Cried so much about it. Now, it was just like a physical reminder that she needed to get stronger.

All her life she had envied Ino. Envied her beauty, her easy confidence and popularity. Now, she admired Naruto, for his total self-belief and dedication and Lee, for his massive determination to succeed despite the odds stacked against him.

She knew Akatsuki would never just let her go. If they wanted a good medic they would _have_ a good medic. She had to get strong to protect the ones she loved.

She would study hard, heal herself and spend hours training. She refused to wallow in self-pity as she had done so long ago.

"Sakura-chan!" Chie rushed in, hair flying out of her neat bun. She looked shattered from working all night.

"It's OK, Chie-san, I'm fine." Sakura tried to reassure the older nurse, but she worriedly checked her over anyway.

Kankuro stood at the nurse's shoulder, anxiously awaiting the result.

"You took a tumble, right?" Chie said, puzzled.

"Yes, I fell off the bed." Sakura didn't want to admit she had been attempting to hug the Kazekage at the time. In hindsight, it was probably for the best that she had failed. Gaara was not one for hugs.

"Hmmm. Your wounds have opened. I'll have to stitch you up again. No permanent damage though, thank goodness."

Kankuro looked relieved. He looked less fierce than usual, clad in a hospital gown and missing his face-paint.

Chie fussed about for a bit, and then, with a serious warning about rolling over too far in the bed, she finally left them alone.

Sakura inspected the stitching on a wound on her shoulder. Neat as always.

"Sakura… About Gaara… What happened?" Kankuro looked serious.

"I blamed myself for something Gaara didn't think I had any business blaming myself for and then he got upset about my scars and my hand." Sakura reeled off the list of offences she had committed that had upset Gaara so much.

"Oh, right. Yeah, if Gaara tells you don't do something, like blaming yourself for everything, he means: Don't do that or I will reduce you to bloody smears on the ground by accident and then feel horribly guilty about later, "Did you really just fall off the bed?"

"I was trying to hug Gaara, to console him. He looked so upset." Sakura explained, "The IV cord and my bad hand tripped me up."

"Good thing too," Kankuro whistled, "I don't want to think about what he would have done if you _had_ hugged him…"

There was an awkward silence in which they pondered the possible results of the near-hug.

"Listen, Kankuro… thank you for saving me." Sakura said sincerely. Had he not come for her, she knew she'd probably be tortured some more and then forced into a cloak.

He grinned, "Heh, no problem. You saved my life too, remember? I was glad to do it."

"What should I do about Gaara-san?"

"Avoid him like the plague. Seriously. Give him time to think and stew in his guilt, then he'll probably come to visit again and not-quite apologise by giving you another week off work."

"Why was he avoiding me? Why did he choose now, in the middle of the night to come see me?"

"Honestly? He probably felt too guilty. Imagine what it's like for him… he's in charge of a whole village so he thinks every life is his responsibility. When that chuunin reported you missing, he tore apart his office twice and frightened a whole bunch of people. Then your Hokage started blaming him, made him feel even worse about it…" Kankuro scratched his nose, scowling at the memory.

"Tsunade-sama blamed Gaara-san?"

"Jeez, just call him Gaara. And yeah, if calling him a 'snot-nosed brat who can't even protect one kunoichi' means she blamed him then, hell yeah she did. But since she was all weepy and upset at the time Gaara didn't freak out on her, but he took it hard. I'm pretty sure he just couldn't face seeing you injured but acting all cheerful about it and not blaming him." Kankuro gave her a meaningful look.

"And then when I blamed myself…"

"He got mad, yeah."

"I feel awful." Sakura said despondently, "And I can't even apologise."

Kankuro regarded her silently for a while. "I'll do you a favour and talk to him about it, OK? In return for you, when you're better, healing a few old aches in my back."

"I could do it now!" Sakura said eagerly.

Kankuro glared at her.

"…but I won't."

"You need to rest, Sakura. Once you feel better, Gaara won't be so upset." Kankuro said firmly

"Easy for you to say, you don't have to stay in bed all the time and have to be bathed by other people."

"Now, you say that like it's a bad thing but it sounds like heaven to me…" Kankuro grinned.

xxxxxxxx

The walls began to feel like they were closing in. Sakura was bored of seeing the same room everyday. She wanted to go out for walks in the sun, eat onigiri with Gaara again, read dusty medical texts, be able to bathe on her own and save lives in the hospital. It was so frustrating to be in her work but not actually be able to do her work.

Her own patients occasionally visited her.

Kakashi-sensei had dropped by a few times after the first visit, but was frustratingly vague about this deal Tsunade was making and then left three days ago.

Naruto had still not arrived.

Shikamaru and Temari visited everyday. Temari brought little fans and the occasional sweet. Shikamaru brought puzzles so Sakura wouldn't get too bored.

Her mother and grandmother had been informed. Her mother was reportedly devastated. Her grandmother was so furious with the Kazekage that the emissary who had brought the news of Sakura's capture and subsequent injuries actually recommended that the elderly matriarch never be allowed in Suna.

Gaara never came.

Sakura had been in the hospital for three weeks, secretly healing herself more and more at night. She had fixed a problem in her ankle that none of the other nurses had noticed. She had slowly healed all three of her broken fingers. Chie caught on to what she was doing quickly, and chastised her for it.

She had been cautiously taking peeks under the bandages at her ruined hand.

Lee had written another passionate letter. It was genuinely touching to read, despite the ever-present proclamations of YOUTH. Lee seemed completely devastated by what had happened to her and vowed to visit the moment Tsunade stopped giving him so many missions. He wanted to bring Gai-sensei so he could help them both train.

As terrifying as training with Gai and Lee sounded, Sakura couldn't think of better sparring partners in a fight against impossible odds. Everyone had told her that she was better off giving up being a shinobi and a medic. She knew these two would be the ones asking why she wasn't already completely healed and training night and day.

Ino, to Sakura's surprise, had sent a bouquet of flowers that were bred to withstand heat. They promoted good-health and determination. Ino's letter had been sad and reminiscent of the old times, when they had been true best friends. Before Sasuke.

Even after only three weeks, Shikamaru's prediction came true. Everyone was talking about the tragedy that had befallen the Kazekage's apprentice. Tsunade had sent word to Gaara that the rumours of Sakura's ordeal were so far-spread that Sasuke might have found out what had happened. Neither Sakura or Tsunade knew what he'd think or do as a result.

In Sakura's opinion, Sasuke would either file it away as another thing to hate his brother for or he would dismiss the news entirely.

The pale pink and blue flowers Ino had sent her were currently resting in a vase by her bed. Every time a rare breeze blew through the room the scent of the flowers would cheer Sakura up.

She was just inhaling the sweet smell of the flowers and smiling at a polite card from Hinata when the door opened.

Gaara stood in the doorway. He looked stressed and exhausted. Temari had reported that he was working night and day, and was refusing to sleep or rest at all. He and Sakura just stared at each other for a while, neither one of the breaking the silence or their gaze.

She was reminded of the first day they had met again, when she had been crying on her balcony and Gaara had by chance been passing by.

Gaara's tired features settled into a frown and he pushed open the door entirely, letting the light from the hall spill in. He walked in and sat down next to her bed.

His pale green eyes were filled with guilt.

She was so sick of being an object of guilt and pity.

Sakura pushed back her hair with her good hand and smiled. "Let's start again. No more guilt about things that happened in the past."

Gaara looked uncertain.

Sakura held out her hand, her smile lighting up her face, "I'm Haruno Sakura."

Seconds dragged by until Gaara hesitantly raised his hand and lightly held hers.

"I'm Gaara; I have no idea why you are doing this." Gaara said, deadpan.

Sakura solemnly shook the Kazekage's hand.

"Let's be friends." She said gently.

* * *

><p>Gaara and Sakura now have a fairly complex relationship, I think? Gaara obviously has triple guilt about Sakura (fought and injured her twice, failed to protect her from Akatsuki…) and Sakura has that residual, instinctive fear of his anger and the sand.<p>

With Gaara I don't think he'd understand relationship upgrades. You'd have to spell it out to him. He's considered Sakura a valued employee (with a nice smile) all this time. Because of this, he has horrible guilt about her injuries and feels ashamed that he couldn't keep her safe.

Sakura has to confirm with Gaara that they are not just Boss and Employee, they are friends too. This should lessen the guilt-factor. Also, Gaara may appear fairly sarcastic in this story but he's actually deadly serious, lol.

Kakashi is rude about Gaara because his student got horribly tortured within months of his care. Fair enough.

**Questions to be answered later on:** Where is Naruto? What is the deal Tsunade is making? How will it affect Sakura? Will Akatsuki try to capture Sakura again? Can Sakura heal herself and…. you get the idea.

**Quick poll take: Should Sakura be able to heal herself?**

A: Yes, a triumphant underdog story warms the heart. Character development through overcoming struggles.

B: No, we like to kick them while they're down. Character development through accepting failure.

C: Partially, as in, no healing or shinobi stuff, but being able to hold things and feel with her bad hand. Character development in learning her limits and boundaries.

D: Any other outcome… you can provide reasons if you want to.

Sorry for taking so long to update!


	7. Discovering scars

Sakura was released from the hospital after five weeks. All of the nurses (including the male ones) got teary-eyed when she left. Sakura could only assume it was because they thought she was never going to work with them again. She had been gifted with her own medical set, filled to the brim with medicinal herbs and bandages, gauzes and splints.

It was less hot then usual. The summer was melting into autumn. Nevertheless, when Sakura stepped out of the hospital with Shikamaru by her side, the heat was almost overwhelming after over a month of living in a cool hospital room.

Shikamaru grabbed the medical set that was slipping from Sakura's fingers. She gave him an embarrassed smile and thanked him absently. She had been lost in thought more than usual lately. It was going to be difficult, adjusting to life without her right hand.

She shifted, grabbing her crutch more securely and took an assisted step. Her feet slipped on the sand and she nearly fell. Shikamaru went to help, looking concerned, but she waved him away and hauled herself up, her forehead beginning to perspire from the heat and the exertion.

Shikamaru held her medical set and carefully watched Sakura's steps as they walked to her flat. She gritted her teeth against the pain, muscles aching already and feet stinging from the hot sand. Unable to hold a crutch with her right hand, she was favouring her left side, bad hand tucked into the folds of the robe the hospital had provided.

People were beginning to drift out of their houses to take a peek as she struggled on.

She ignored them, her eyes fixed on her apartment building. The Akatsuki's spies had been flushed out by Suna's interrogation squad and the Kazekage himself had deemed it safe for her to live in.

Sakura smiled to herself at the thought of Gaara. He had been bemused by her sudden offer of friendship, but had solemnly agreed to it nonetheless. It had gone by like a business transaction, and Sakura couldn't help wondering if there were any special requirements one had to meet in order to be Gaara's friend.

A rock got into her sandal and she stood on it accidently, causing the injured sole of her foot to flare up in pain. Hissing at the sharp ache in her foot, Sakura pressed on, conscious of the fact that Shikamaru was deliberately slowing his pace so that Sakura could keep up. She snorted lightly and sped up, kicking the rock out of her sandal and pushing her poor muscles harder.

"Sakura, slow down." Shikamaru said, worried.

"I won't fall over and die because I'm walking slightly faster. Give me some credit, please." Sakura said defiantly.

The sun was lowering in the sky. Night was coming. God help her, if she didn't manage to get to her apartment before nightfall she truly was a lost cause.

"Stop doing that." Shikamaru yawned.

A few children were scattered about. They were all staring at her.

"Doing what?"

"Getting tetchy with anyone who shows a tiny bit of concern for you."

"It's either tetchy or suicidal. I know which one is preferable." Sakura rolled her eyes. At Shikamaru's stricken look, she sighed and explained further, "If I just soak up all the concern and accept it good-naturedly, pretty soon I'll go mad. Everyone I see has an apologetic smile or pitying eyes. I want to heal myself. Accepting concern makes it seem impossible, or else why would everyone be so damn sorry all the time?"

"Humph." Shikamaru grouched like an old man, "You could try just smiling or ignoring the concern."

Sakura just cocked a sarcastic eyebrow, making Shikamaru chuckle despite himself.

xxxxxxxx

Her old room was familiar enough to make her smile, leaning against the doorway, trying to catch her breath from the short walk back from the hospital. Shikamaru had left after she finally managed to convince him she wouldn't die without his assistance.

Her bed was still messy from the last time she slept in it. Sakura touched the blanket lightly. Things had changed so much in just a few short weeks. She had been brutally tortured. She and Gaara had worked out a few trust issues and become friends. She saw her old sensei and received lots of messages from friends.

Sakura dumped her stuff on the bed and limped to the mirror.

She unravelled a few bandages. The one that awkwardly covered her chin hid a nasty gash from her neck to the bottom of her mouth. She breathed out thankfully after easing the tight bandage away from her stomach. It had covered up purple bruising around her ribs, and a few superficial cuts and scrapes.

She braced herself, staring at her eyes in the mirror to give herself courage. I can fix this, she reminded herself. It took a while to unravel the bandages that swathed her bad arm. She inhaled sharply at the sight of it.

The purplish curving scars left by Gaara were still there, but new burns and cuts decorated the skin all around them. The scar tissue had been broken and interrupted by stab wounds and cuts. Kunai had been used to carve macabre patterns into her skin until it lay corrupted and twisted. The only other person Sakura knew with a gorier and more impressive collection of scars was Morino Ibiki.

Forehead pressed against the glass of the mirror, Sakura shook visibly, staring in horror at her arm.

She forced herself to look further down.

Red lines travelled down her arm and connected at her wrist. Her hand lay limply at her side, nerveless and tingling.

Sakura let her good hand ghost over the bad one to assess the damage fully.

Closing her eyes, she sank under the surface of her skin. The nerves were deadened and unresponsive. All life ended at the wrist, where kunai had been used liberally. Her hand should have been amputated, Sakura thought distantly, in her professional opinion. It could not support weight. The fingers could not be used for anything, be it as delicate as surgery or mundane as writing.

She could feel traumatic neuroma gathered on the edges of her scars. They indicated that the nerve fibres were injured and were very painful. Neuromas were essentially tumours of the nerves. It was not a good sign.

She now understood why everyone was so against her trying to heal her hand. Why Kakashi had seemed regretful and upset. Why Tsunade had looked wretched. Shikamaru's warning that she should learn to accept pity made sense now. If she failed this, she would have to live with the world knowing her failure and judging her for it.

Suddenly her stubborn proclamations that she could fix it seemed childish and ridiculous.

She looked up and glared at her reflection. Standing around looking miserable was never going to achieve anything.

She sat on the edge of her bed and rested her bad arm on her lap. Concentrating fiercely, her hand lit up with the familiar green glow. She gripped her bad hand and closed her eyes.

Nothing happened.

She gritted her teeth and flared her chakra. She pushed through the damaged nerves. Her hand tingled. She pulled at a few, testing. Sweat dripped down the side of her face. It was like searching in the dark when you didn't know what you were looking for.

Her chakra fizzled out. She opened her eyes. Her hand was still pale and unmoving. She tried to twitch a finger. Nothing happened.

With a growl of frustration, she threw the medical set at the wall.

How do you heal something that has already died?

xxxxxxxx

In desperation she turned to the Kazekage.

Gaara was an obvious permanent fixture in his office. If he left his chair Sakura was certain he'd leave an imprint. That was how often he stayed in his office. Usually alone. It would be sad if it wasn't obvious how much he loved his job.

"Gaara-san. May I come in?" Sakura asked politely, good hand freezing in a knocking position when Gaara abruptly opened the door before she could complete the gesture. She lowered her hand, feeling foolish.

Gaara just jerked his head towards the inside of his office and retreated back to his side of the desk. When she had sat down opposite him he picked up some papers and frowned at them.

"Isn't it the common practise for friends to refer to each other with the informal suffixes, 'kun' and 'chan'?" Gaara asked tonelessly, pale green eyes scanning the papers. He sounded as though he was reciting from a book.

"You wouldn't call me Sakura-chan." Sakura rejected the idea. Gaara was not a fan of formality.

"You would call me Gaara-kun." Gaara pointed out.

"Rather a one-sided deal." Sakura remarked.

"You should call me Lord Kazekage-sama. Gaara-kun is a less former alternative. I assumed dropping the suffix altogether would be too much for your delicate sensibilities?" Gaara said, a little bitterly.

He was in a bad mood. That much was obvious.

"Not at all, _Gaara_." Sakura said deliberately, suppressing the tiny voice wailing in the back of her head that only idiots like Naruto addressed Kages so informally. She decided she would just mentally tack the suffix on the end whenever she said his name. Compromise.

Gaara gave a twitch that could almost pass as a smile. He looked stressed.

"What did you need, Sakura?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

"I was wondering what your collection of medical tomes is like." Sakura said. She wasn't hopeful.

"We don't have many modern tomes, or even updated versions of old texts, but the ones we do have are considered exemplary. A few were written by Chiyo herself. Those were mostly about poisoning, not healing, but still." Gaara looked at her steadily, "Are you planning to do something foolish?"

"Just ground-breaking," Sakura gave a strained smile, "I'm going to heal my hand."

Unlike most people, Gaara hadn't immediately gawped at her hand and conducted their conversation whilst addressing her injured limb. Even Temari couldn't hide the pity in her expression whenever they talked.

He frowned. "The damage is excessive?"

"Very." Sakura nodded, "Tsunade-sama said it was too complex, you know that."

"I know what her opinion is," Gaara said dismissively, "I wondered if you'd find anything different."

"I personally think it should have been amputated. But I'm going to research the subject thoroughly and find a cure for the damage."

Gaara regarded her silently.

Sakura fidgeted in a seat like a naughty child being brought up before their teacher for a dressing-down. She'd left a few bandages off. She'd managed to reduce the gash on her neck and chin into a faint scar. Most of the cuts and bruises were gone at this point, banished by Sakura's healing hand, happy to be able to heal _something._

"I was afraid the torture would leave you damaged psychologically." Gaara said bluntly.

"Oh!" Sakura remembered waking up to Tsunade's hand on her forehead, "I think Tsunade may have had a hand in healing any impact the torture might have had on my mind." There was no need to mention the insomnia, paranoia and recurrent fear that every shadow was wearing an Akatsuki cloak.

They were both quiet as Gaara signed some permission slips. The sun had gone down by this point. It was actually pretty late, but Sakura had known Gaara would still be working. She was glad that Gaara wouldn't question her keeping such late hours as he was just as sleepless as she was.

"I'm glad you are safe." Gaara said suddenly, surprising Sakura. He kept his eyes on the paper as he said it, "I've made sure you don't have to worry about capture."

As touched as she felt by Gaara's admission, his last comment struck her as faintly ominous. "How did you make sure of that?" She asked warily.

"Anbu are trailing you as we speak." Gaara said distractedly, gazing at some forms.

"…What." Sakura said, stunned. Anbu were not bodyguards for random chuunin. Certainly not without the express permission and/or request of the chuunin!

Gaara looked up. "They reported no suspicious activity, don't worry."

"G-Gaara, you can't just… just have Anbu stalk me! I need my privacy, Gaara!"

"Very little privacy in an Akatsuki cell," Gaara said sternly, "Which is where you will be if you aren't watched."

"You should have told me!"

"It didn't occur to me." Gaara sighed. Sakura noticed his pallor and the deepness of the bags under his eyes.

Sakura's back stung when she moved back in her chair. She ignored it and made a thoughtful steeple of her fingers.

"You believe I can do this, right?"

Gaara looked irritated, "Heal yourself? Of course."

Though they were said with the irritability of a sleep-deprived, work-overloaded Kazekage, the words felt warm to Sakura. Someone believed in her. It made it seem less impossible to achieve.

"Thank you, Gaara." Sakura smiled gratefully.

Gaara merely nodded, his attention mostly on the never-ending stream of mission reports decorating his desk.

"Here, give me some." Sakura offered magnanimously.

"Can you write?" Gaara asked.

"With my left hand, yes. Nothing fancy, barely legible."

Gaara flicked his gaze over several ink-smeared pages, "Legible should be enough."

They spent the rest of the night marking reports and trading papers until the sun crept up and the cicadas and the birds began to compete in song.

xxxxxxxx

Over the next month, Sakura's new mantra became: I can fix this. When she fell down in the shower and bruised her knee, she let out a sobbing breath and vowed, _I can fix this_. When she watched nurses hurry to the hospital, hastily clipping on name badges and straightening their stethoscopes, she held back the tears and just mouthed her mantra.

I can fix this.

It was almost impossible. She suddenly was incapable of even the most simple of things. She could only hold things in her left hand, and it was only upon losing her right that she realised just how much she had used to use it. She would automatically go to pick something up and have that horrible realisation all over again, that her hand was ruined.

Going from Kazekage's bodyguard and most skilled medic in Suna to disabled former kunoichi –for Tsunade had most reluctantly sent her a letter informing her that she was unfit for work. Enclosed had been a much more personal letter, detailing just how much it hurt the hokage to have to fire her former student – was humbling.

She had sat on her bed with the letter and cried. She never let herself cry anymore, but upon realising she was no longer a ninja she felt she was overdue a good cry. She'd received a healthy wage from the hokage, and now that she could not bring money in through missions she'd assumed she'd have to get another job somehow, but to her surprise Tsunade continued to send money, as though she was still a Konoha shinobi.

Over the last few weeks, Shikamaru and Temari had proven their worth as friends, visiting everyday, bringing gifts and gossip, tactfully avoiding sore subjects like Sakura's recent suspension.

The library was Sakura's kind of place. Mostly devoid of people, it smelt of mouldering old paper and dust. Contrary to Gaara's dismissive account of their book collection, Sakura found at least six useful texts within the first ten minutes of searching.

_A Study of the Human Body_ offered a small, invaluable section on nerve damage.

Sakura claimed her books and brought them to a small, spindly table to examine them. After hours of peering at tiny print and blowing thick inches of dust off of the pages, Sakura finally surmised that surgery was her best bet.

It was an unorthodox method. Surgery wasn't used often, since medical specialists could even use their own chakra as scalpels, and thus many of the old techniques in the books had been largely forgotten or ignored.

Once the very old and slightly dusty librarian had allowed her to take out all six books, Sakura limped home, ignoring the blatant, open-mouthed stares.

She had studied these books day and night until she had retained the knowledge permanently – one of the benefits of having an overly large forehead was that it hid a rather impressively-sized brain, and Sakura's memory was perfect. She spent her days in a darkened room, writing notes feverishly until her fingers were stained with ink and her eyes red from lack of sleep.

She seemed no closer to the answer the day she found it, but it suddenly occurred to her to combine the methods described in the texts. Surgery, chakra nerve re-growth, using muscle and skin tissue…

She sat at her desk, frowning down at the book. Her bottom drawer contained most of the things the book claimed she'd need for the surgery. Except courage, which frankly, could only be found at the bottom of a bottle at this point.

After a healthy gulp of honey-sweet chilled wine, Sakura got out a surgical tourniquet, a powerful anaesthetic, a scalpel, a small operating microscope, some sutures and a cloth to soak up the blood. She realised she was shaking, just a little. The idea of performing surgery on herself, alone, was fairly daunting, but the knowledge that this was it, her last chance, was enough to scare her.

She applied the tourniquet carefully. The anaesthetic would work quickly, but not for long, so Sakura got to work hastily. She drew the sharp edge of the scalpel against her numbed hand. Blood welled up instantly. She set up the microscope next to the wound, and searched for the damaged nerves.

She began to slowly, painstakingly remove the injured nerves after exposing them. The cloth under her hand was stained dark red at this point. Her professional nature had taken over at this point; she'd stopped shaking long ago. She wiped away the excess blood, and let her fingers dribble chakra into the wound.

She began to use the small sutures on the cut nerve endings.

Her fingers glowed as she directed healthy tissue over the nerves, forced to cut some healthy skin and muscle to pad the nerve endings. She closed the wound carefully, eyes closed in concentration. Blood beaded at the edges, then dripped down her palm as the skin began to knit itself back together.

Now for the hard part.

Sakura reached into her chakra reserves, not allowing herself to worry about trying to accomplish something that was simply not done.

She pulled at the newly healed nerve endings. She encouraged their growth with her chakra. For a full minute Sakura waited, heart in mouth, as the nerves did not respond.

Then, slowly, steadily, the nerves began to creep up towards their respective target. One nerve in her wrist expanded all the way into her thumb. Her thumb twitched in response. Sakura felt the flashing responses of the nerves as she tested her fingers.

She pulled off the tourniquet, brushed aside the microscope and bloody cloth, and swallowed hard, watching her fingers move up and down at her command.

"I've done it." Sakura whispered to herself, sitting down at her desk, hand twitching and working again. Her brows pulled together as she focused on clenching her hand into a fist. It did so weakly, fingers scrabbling at her palm.

She sat back in her chair and put a shaking hand over her eyes, laughing, exhilarated. She'd done it!

The bright moonlight shone through the blinds. Sakura moved her hand into a pool of light that had escaped through the blinds onto her desk. The skin appeared to glow underneath the light of the moon.

Her arm was the only thing left now.

The surgery on her hand had taken hours, but it was worth it. Biting her lip, Sakura directed chakra to flow to her right hand. It began to glow weakly with green, pulsing chakra.

"Yes!" Sakura yelled out triumphantly, not caring who heard.

Tsunade would have to give her back her status as a Konoha shinobi. Gaara would give her back her job.

And then suddenly she went cold. And the Akatsuki would be even more determined to get her.

Sakura's sharp eyes had caught a flaw in the Sharingan. Itachi could not follow quick movement with his eyes. It was why he'd been surprised at her sudden chakra growth and why she'd managed to land a hit on him. His sight was failing. The kind of surgery she had just performed could potentially fix Itachi's eyes, assuming it was the optic nerve that was damaged.

It was all a little too neat, this awful realisation.

And then it hit her, twice as hard as the last revelation. How had she been rescued from the bowels of an Akatsuki base, temporary or not? That had played on her mind more than once. How had Kankuro not come across any Akatsuki?

_Because they'd allowed her to be rescued_.

They had the torturer cut into her wrist, severing the nerves purposefully. This sort of nerve damage would obviously impact her career and her life. What medic, particularly a young, headstrong medic such as herself, could resist the challenge presented there?

They had wanted her to prove she could heal that sort of injury.

So they could take her back and have her do the same for Itachi.

Why had the Anbu not seen anything suspicious? Because Akatsuki were hiding, lying in wait, hoping she'd take the bait and heal herself.

If she proved her hand was healed, asked for her job back, word would spread. The world already knew she had withstood torture. Now they would know just how good a medic she was.

And so, in turn, would Akatsuki.

She felt dizzy. She had comforted herself with the knowledge that Gaara would protect her, that Akatsuki would no longer be interested in her. But now, knowing that it was a trap she had so willingly stumbled into, Sakura was terrified.

What could she do?

Tell Gaara, of course. That was a given. But she couldn't draw attention to herself. She'd have to act the part of the tortured cripple. She could truly, never be Senior Nurse after all.

A sob forced its way out, startling her with its animalistic, desperate sound.

Damn it. She struck the desk with her newly healed hand, the bottle of anaesthetic rolling off the surface and hitting her foot.

For all appearances, her hand was the same. The damage had been internal, save for the cuts and scrapes she'd long since healed.

She could go on, pretending it was useless. And it would drive her mad.

Even now, people were dying in Suna's hospital. Back when she truly could not help them, she'd still felt awful. Now she could save them. But in doing so, she would doom herself.

She was conflicted. She would rather die than be captured by Akatsuki again.

But she wanted to be a nurse again so badly she shook with the need to go to the hospital, do the rounds, check on her patients, give comforting smiles to those who needed them most.

It may seem ridiculous, even childish, but her dream since becoming a medical specialist had always been to run her own hospital.

She could never do that now.

She knocked the library books off the desk angrily, not caring about the fine for ripping the pages.

She sank to the floor, gripping her head in anguish.

I _can't_ fix this.

* * *

><p>Dreams are never simple, accomplishing them does not always bring the joy you thought it would.<p>

Since the overwhelming majority (aka, EVERYONE) voted for A, Sakura should be able to heal herself, here you go! WITH A NASTY TWIST, as is my wont. I admit I had mostly planned for the eventuality that Sakura could heal herself, so I was relieved you all picked A!

All of the medical stuff is almost real, hugely twisted and warped by yours truly in order to make it doable, lol.

Gaara is very businesslike when it comes to friendships, I think. He and Sakura have a few interesting similarities and differences. In this fic the main similarity I have given them is that they push themselves too hard: Gaara doesn't think anyone else can or should do his job, and after years of sleeplessness, finds it easier to spend his nights working. Sakura enjoys studying far too much to stop when the sun goes down, and thus loses a lot of sleep in favour of reading her textbooks.

With the tiny plot twist involving Akatsuki, I figured they'd never lose a valuable prisoner so easily. Unless it was on purpose…

**Quick poll take: **The secondary pairing to this fic is Shikatema, what other pairing would you like?

A) NejiTen.

B) NaruHina

C) KibaIno

D) Your choice, leave a comment to let me know which one.


	8. Faking scars

Sakura sat alone on a stone bench, under a desert willow. She had brought the crutch along so she would not give away her secret. Her muscles tensed under her anger, she gripped the crutch harder than necessary. She had healed her legs and feet completely and it was likely the scars would fade over time, but she didn't want to draw attention to the fact that she was limping one day and then not the next.

To calm herself down, she breathed in the fresh scent of the desert willows and recited medical techniques in her mind.

The only person she could tell was Gaara.

She sat in the shadows of the trees, numb. It was the day after she had healed her hand and it had nearly killed her that she couldn't run out of her room shouting to the heavens that she had done the impossible! She cradled her newly healed hand and screwed up her face, trying to stem the tide of emotions pouring out.

Anger. Bitterness. Dejection. Hopelessness.

It was the unfairness of it all that got to her. The world had been against her healing herself, telling her it was impossible, and she hadn't listened. And now she was being punished for daring to hope that she could achieve the impossible, and for succeeding.

All her life she had been weak, the overlooked teammate, just there to balance out the chromosomes, only good for occasionally dispelling genjutsu.

And now she finally dared to be something other than weak and scarred, she couldn't do it.

Naruto was well known for his unique ability to change people, she knew that. The Kyuubi also gave him a dangerous edge. He was going to be Hokage some day.

Sasuke was out there now, fighting to defeat Itachi. When he succeeded – and Sakura had no doubt that he would – he would be infamous in his right.

So why couldn't she make something of herself?

The moment someone weak grows strong the world notices. Had Naruto been able to heal something like that, would Akatsuki have even noticed?

Sakura could have cried at the injustice. But she refused to waste tears on this.

She leapt up from the bench, her face set in determination. To hell with Akatsuki. She was going to tell Gaara and if Itachi or one of the others found out about it then she would just have to defend herself, wouldn't she? Because she wouldn't be taken quietly like last time. She'd be ready.

She grabbed her crutch and fake-limped all the way to Gaara's office, hair blowing back in the sudden wind, revealing the purple diamond seal on her forehead, lifting her sleeve and showing her scars.

xxxxxxxx

"Gaara, I need to talk to you." Sakura panted. Fake limping was harder than it looked, particularly when the lifts were broken and you had to take the stairs.

The Kazekage was sitting at his desk, head resting on some important-looking papers.

He was asleep.

Sakura just stared for a moment. She had privately assumed that Gaara never slept, and was thus a constant source of assistance. It was both adorable and disconcerting to see the Kazekage looking so vulnerable.

Not knowing what else to do, she just sat in the chair opposite his and stared some more.

It was only fair. He had sneaked into her hospital room that one time, fully intending to watch her sleep.

His face looked peaceful for once, young and sweet. His dark red hair was a little messed up.

She should have known he'd be a dignified sleeper. When she slept she kicked, drooled and snored. He just lay there quietly.

His hand was outstretched towards her.

Seeing it made her remember that day when he was freaking out over Temari's engagement. She had touched his hand without hesitation or fear of reprisal. Knowing him as she did now, she was surprised he hadn't reacted badly. She remembered him throwing Kankuro across the room for just touching his shoulder.

Sakura's hand crept along the table shyly. She gently placed it over his own. It was warm and smooth to the touch.

She removed it just as swiftly. It didn't seem fair, to witness the Kazekage at his most vulnerable moment and take advantage of it by taking something he would not usually freely give. Gaara never seemed to touch anyone on purpose, and vice versa.

So she just sat there, waiting for him to wake up, for half an hour.

He stirred, mumbling to himself. Papers rustled as he moved his head. He looked drowsy and confused as he sat up, hand over his eyes.

"Gaara." Sakura said softly, so he wouldn't look up and be shocked to see her sitting opposite him.

He jumped violently, knocking some papers to the floor and his eyes snapped onto her. The pupils were tiny as the eyes widened in shock.

"Sakura." He stared at her in complete shock.

"You were asleep; I didn't want to wake you." Sakura explained quickly.

"I was asleep?" Gaara looked stunned. He glanced down at the crumpled papers on the desk, "I don't remember falling asleep."

"Could you have passed out through exhaustion?"

Gaara didn't answer, just looked thoughtful.

"How much sleep do you get normally?"

"A few hours every now and then, sporadically." Gaara answered.

"What…? That is not even close to enough…"

"I've already had this conversation with Temari; I don't need to repeat it with you." Gaara said impatiently.

That spoiled little… Sakura seethed. Completely forgetting about her original intention in seeking out the Kazekage, she opened her mouth to spit out a reply, "Well, brace yourself, Gaara, because I'm going to tell you anyway. By not sleeping you run the risk of affecting your brain, your attention span and memory, weight gain or loss and seriously impacting your ability to heal wounds!" She said, slipping into her lecturing 'nurse' voice without realising it.

"I have managed thus far, thank you." Gaara said icily.

"Sleep deprivation is a common form of _torture_, Gaara!"

"Says the woman who wanted to spend all day and night in the hospital!" Gaara snapped.

Sakura's rage deflated. She had wanted nothing more than to stay in the hospital…

Gaara seemed to realise what he had said and his frown softened. "I apologise," He said stiffly, "I didn't mean to upset you."

Sakura remembered why she had come. "Gaara, I have something important to tell you."

Checking to see that the door was firmly closed and locked, she let go of her crutch and waved her fingers at Gaara.

His eyes narrowed. "You healed them?"

"Yeah –"

"Well done." Gaara looked almost proud.

"There's a catch," Sakura gave a sour grin, "healing myself has proven just how much of a proficient medic I am. Something Akatsuki might be interested in." She said meaningfully.

Gaara caught on quickly, hands clenching into fists. "You think they let you go on purpose?"

"Itachi's sight is failing. They may require they same kind of surgery I performed on myself. If I go public, get my job back, start healing people again, they will find out. It can't be a coincidence."

Gaara's lips tightened into a scowl, "I have been… consoling myself with the fact that you were found so quickly. It lessened the guilt I felt. But if they hadn't allowed it.."

"I'd probably be wearing the Akatsuki cloak. That or more likely, dead."

Gaara looked fuming, "So when you start your job again –"

"I can't do that, Gaara."

"What?"

"I can't risk this village. If I expose my skills to the world, Akatsuki will come, and they will –"

"Don't be ridiculous." Gaara said sharply, "If they come they will have to fight off an entire village of shinobi to retrieve you. After what happened to you last time, do you really think Temari, Shikamaru, Kankuro or any other friend of yours would allow you to be taken? If they came for you Sakura, I would fight them."

Sakura's eyes widened.

"Don't look so surprised. I consider it my duty to see that every one of my people know they are safe in my village."

"But you don't understand!" Sakura burst out, "I don't want people to get hurt because of me! Last time you fought Akatsuki you _died_!"

She bit her lip angrily and looked away, missing Gaara's reaction to her outburst.

"First of all," Gaara said calmly, "I only died because Shukaku was extracted from me. That almost always kills the host. Secondly, I was only captured because Deidara threatened my village. Had I not saved Suna, he would never have managed to take me alone. I will not allow you to sacrifice your happiness out of some misplaced sense of guilt."

"You will resume your post as my assistant and bodyguard. If you feel up to juggling two jobs, you may also return to the hospital. You will live here, in the guest quarters once more. You will be guarded every hour of every day until the threat is deemed over." Gaara's voice was firm. It did not invite any further argument.

Sakura couldn't believe it. She had resigned herself to a lifetime of feigned disability, and now Gaara was demanding she threaten the village with Akatsuki? But… what he said made sense. If they expected Akatsuki to attack, then the village would be on alert, most shinobi focused on guard duty. It would be nearly impossible for any of them to sneak in the village and kidnap her.

And she would not be kidnapped so easily, even if they did manage to infiltrate the village.

"Was there anything else?" Gaara asked, his tone suddenly casual. His eyes were back on his papers. He smoothed them out.

"Well, I've been in Suna for over four months now and I was wondering… Would it be possible for me to go visit Konoha?"

Gaara stiffened. "What?"

"Just for a few weeks! You won't have to pay me holiday leave or anything. Just to see my friends and family."

Gaara's pale eyes met hers and stayed there, "That's fine. I do have a few conditions though. You will seek out Maito Gai and Rock Lee. From them you will learn how to strengthen your Taijutsu. I have heard Gai is a proficient fighter against sharingan-users. In the event that Itachi himself comes for you, I would like for you to be able to defend yourself against him."

Once again, it made sense. Sakura simply nodded. Hadn't she herself already considered training with Gai and Lee?

"And Sakura," Gaara called as she went to leave the room, "Congratulations on healing your hand. I don't know the complete details, but I do know the Hokage herself swore it was impossible. It is an impressive achievement."

Sakura beamed. Gaara didn't waste time on false flattery or give praise when he did not mean it.

"Thank you, Gaara. Try to sleep more often, OK?" She said imploringly.

He gave a begrudging nod.

xxxxxxxx

"Haruno-san? I am Hiroshi and this is Kaede." The masked Anbu man said as Sakura walked up to the Suna gates.

An entire Anbu squad was waiting for her at the gates. Sakura inwardly groaned. Yes, she was relieved that she would be so protected on her journey, but she honestly felt like such a burden. Suna was understaffed as it was – whole Anbu squads should not be escorting lone chuunin to other villages.

Then again, not many chuunin were on the run from Akatsuki.

It was merely a week after she had revealed her hand to be completely healed and asked for her job at the hospital back. She had done her rounds again happily, savouring the unique, clinical smells and the gratitude of the patients. Her fellow nurses treated her with reverence and awe.

To her immense pleasure, there was talk of naming her nerve surgery technique after her.

Everyone was talking about the miraculous chuunin who had withstood torture and healed herself when everyone else claimed it impossible.

Sakura had only been back working in the hospital for a day when Temari rushed into the room.

"Sakura!" Temari said, looking utterly amazed, "So it's true… you managed to heal yourself… I can't believe it!"

Sakura had just shrugged modestly.

It didn't prevent the fascinated stares she received everywhere she went in the village. The people of Suna had started to call her 'Haruno-sama' whenever they addressed her. To be so lauded and admired was an entirely new feeling for Sakura. To know she had earned on her own skill felt even better.

The Anbu captain, Hiroshi, wore a mask with monstrous features etched into it. If it was based on a real animal, Sakura did not want to meet it. The only real defining quality that made him stand out from the rest of the Anbu squad was his platinum blonde hair.

The woman he had pointed out, Kaede, wore a slightly more gentle-looking rabbit mask. She had long brown hair. The mask made her look sweet and it endeared her to Sakura, though the chuunin was fully aware that this woman could probably rip out her spine.

"Hello," Sakura greeted them with a smile, "I'm sorry to call you out on such a dull mission."

Hiroshi snorted. It sounded oddly hollow behind the mask, "Guarding the Kazekage's bodyguard and the most proficient medic nin in existence from Akatsuki is hardly dull, Haruno-san."

Sakura nearly winced. She kept forgetting how important other people thought she was. It was disconcerting. But… also highly satisfying. Recognition, at last.

But at what cost, she thought, looking out at the harsh desert land that she was about to travel through. How long would she have to look over her shoulder?

"I'm afraid I do not share your high estimation of myself, Hiroshi-san." Sakura gave a wry grin.

"Always so self-deprecating." Gaara said, exasperated, from behind her.

It was only through sheer self-control that Sakura had managed not to whirl around and attack the Kazekage. Gaara's chakra had crackled through the air just before he made the comment, so she had been warned of his presence. Sort of.

Many of the Anbu were sheathing weapons, embarrassed.

Sakura turned around to face the Kazekage.

"I would call it humility, Gaara." Sakura countered with a grin.

Gaara merely rolled his eyes slightly. He was never childish, but he also never held back in arguments either. It made Sakura want to stick her tongue out at him sometimes, to test his self-control. She really wanted to see the Kazekage stick his tongue out like a rebellious child.

"Hiroshi." He ignored Sakura's playfulness with a frown. He was not in a bad mood, but he appeared to be very serious, "You know your orders?"

"Yes, Kazekage-sama." Hiroshi bowed.

Sakura noticed Gaara's lip curl at the hated title. "And Sakura?" He said, turning to face her.

"Yes, Gaara?"

"Be careful." Gaara's eyes burned into her, so grim and sober. He folded his arms. It was clear that this was more than a warning. It was an order.

"Permission to speak, Kazekage-sama." Kaede requested with a low bow.

Gaara waved a hand carelessly, granting it.

"We will protect Haruno-sama with our lives, Kazekage-sama. We understand how important this mission is." Kaede's voice was surprisingly deep and serious. Sakura wondered how old she was behind the mask.

She felt faintly embarrassed. Even Anbu had started referring to her with such respect… and for Kaede to seriously declare that they would lay their lives on the line to protect Sakura from a danger she had brought onto herself…

She felt selfish beyond belief. Could she not have lived a simple life, without shinobi skills or healing powers? The world could have survived without her. It was her arrogance that had allowed this. Had she simply –

"I can see by the look on your face that you are blaming yourself for all of this, Sakura. Need I remind you that I detest such self-sacrificing behaviour?" Gaara snapped.

"I must have such complex facial expressions." Sakura murmured, slightly suspicious. Why did Gaara have such a gift for getting into her head?

"No, you just wear your heart on your sleeve." Gaara looked exasperated once more, "Look, you are entitled to go see your loved ones. It is not your fault that the Akatsuki are fixated on you."

"Kazekage-sama, if I may interject…" Hiroshi said, with an anxious look towards the sky. The sun was getting lower.

Gaara sighed, "I'm holding you up. Just be careful. This squad will stay with you until you return from Konoha. You are well guarded but just in case… remember I told you I wouldn't hire a weak shinobi? I meant it."

The Anbu Squad bowed to Gaara and set off slowly so that Sakura could catch up.

"Thank you, Gaara." Sakura said sincerely. Without thinking of the consequences, she pulled him into a hug.

She realised the seriousness of her stupidity when he suddenly went rigid in her arms. "I'm sorry," She murmured into his shoulder, "I know you don't like people touching you. But I needed this."

She felt Gaara swallow and breathe in sharply. "Sakura –"

She let go in that instant, pushing him back lightly, still holding his shoulders, "I'm going to miss you." She said honestly.

Pale green eyes widened in shock.

"Goodbye." Sakura gave a stupid grin then, because it was the only thing that could stave off the incoming tears. If she died now or got captured, this would be the last time she would see Gaara. She didn't want to leave any latent issues unresolved before she left.

"Tell Temari and Shikamaru good luck with the wedding." Her smile slipped for a second, imagining Temari having to have the wedding without Sakura after all.

She finally turned to leave.

Her wrist was caught by an unfamiliar hand.

She turned, astonished.

Gaara's face was impassive once more, "You are not going to die, Sakura. You will see your friends and family again and then you will return. It is that simple." He said it so fiercely she could almost believe him.

But she was preparing to venture out of the safety of the village walls for the first time since her first capture. Who knew what dangers lurked out there?

The Anbu squad were standing at the border between Suna and the desert, politely averting their eyes as the Kazekage said goodbye to his friend.

"OK, Gaara." Sakura agreed, crossing her fingers behind her back.

"Don't humour me," Gaara snapped, "And when you come back you are going to have to file my mission reports for me."

Sakura almost groaned. Extra paperwork duty? Death or paperwork…? Tough call.

"I'll see you later, Gaara." Sakura grinned.

Gaara watched her go, a solitary, frowning figure standing at the gates of Suna.

xxxxxxxx

"Pardon me, Haruno-sama." Kaede said politely as they sped through the desert.

"Yes? And please, just call me Sakura." She replied wearily.

"If I may enquire as to your personal relationship with the Kazekage?"

Sakura sucked in a breath, surprised. How blunt. "The Kazekage and I are friends."

Kaede did not respond for a moment, head turning left and right constantly as they ran. She had already informed Sakura that she was excellent at sensing chakra signatures. "I did not intend to be so blunt, Haruno-sama, but the whole of Sunagakure cares deeply for their Kazekage, and wish to see him happy. After witnessing your personal interaction together, I had hoped…"

Sakura sighed. "Kaede-san… Gaara and I are merely friends, nothing more."

"And yet you call him 'Gaara.'" Hiroshi said dryly, suddenly joining the conversation from the front of the group without turning around to look at them.

"Gaara dislikes suffixes, formality, titles… He insisted I call him Gaara. If it were my choice, I would call him Kazekage-sama."

They tirelessly travelled through the desert. They all had plenty of water. Sakura herself had noticed that she appeared to be drinking a lot more than the rest of them. She'd been there nearly five months now and her resistance to the sun was still low.

Suna had changed her, however.

Her skin had deepened from being fairly pale to slightly tanned. She had stronger muscles and quicker reflexes – courtesy of her extra training sessions with Sato-sensei.

Most importantly, she was stronger emotionally. Though Gaara claimed she was too self-denying and her self-esteem could still do with a little work, she knew that she was no longer the chuunin forever living in her teammates' shadow. She was a powerful kunoichi in her own right, and she had invented a surgical technique that would probably go on to help thousands of shinobi over the years.

Her calves ached from all the sprinting. She did not falter though, did not slow down. She was eager to see her friends and family again. She was also currently envisaging Konoha as a safe haven, away from the problems that had tormented her in Suna. However much she had enjoyed her time there, she had definitely earned a few more personal demons in the four months she had been there.

The group slowed and Hiroshi wordlessly indicated they were going to stop for the night. Whether they'd noticed her discomfort or not, Sakura didn't care, she was just glad for the chance to rest for a bit.

They set up tents and quietly sat around drinking tea around the fire.

Sakura sat underneath the relative shade of the tent's flap, drinking the green tea gratefully. She noticed that their little camp had a single Anbu member posted in every direction, north, east, south and west. Thought they were there to prevent ambushes, the visual reminder of the threat she faced was not welcome.

The tea was tasteless and cold to her now; she drained it in one gulp. With a grimace she set the cup down and went to sit by Hiroshi next to the fire.

The man was friendly enough, gruff but polite.

The night passed uneventfully and Sakura breathed a sigh of relief. If anyone wanted to ambush them, they would have done so whilst they were relatively defenceless in the middle of the desert.

After a few days of hard sprinting and setting up camp several times over, the sand began to thin out, revealing fertile soil. Tiny patches of vegetation peeked out of the ground.

Sakura narrowed her eyes. There was faint smudge of dark green on the horizon. It was a wall of trees. The Nara forest.

The Anbu took a sharp right suddenly, Kaede tightly holding onto Sakura's wrist so she could be directed without wasting time. The forest thickened out. Sakura's sharp eyes caught sight of a few deer grazing.

The shinobi flying by the deer made them scatter in panic.

Another turn and suddenly, they were there.

Konoha.

Home.

* * *

><p>OK, the twist turned out to be non-twisty due to Gaara-logic. In his mind, Sakura was healed, she wanted to work again, so she should. He also has a personal thing against Akatsuki now (for killing him, threatening his village and for torturing Sakura) so he believes should they come for Sakura, he would be able to fight them off.<p>

Is he right? Time will tell.

Last chapter's poll was just to see how popular those pairings were. In fact, all three shall be in this fic, bwahahahaha. I wanted to give Sakura a cool, medical-based title to show her growing reputation (Like how Gaara is called Sabaku no Gaara, and Kakashi is Kakashi no Sharingan) but I couldn't think of anything, sob. If anyone has any suggestions…

Sakura hugged Gaara. And he did not squish her, nor did the sand react. This is because the sand only reacts to what it perceives as a threat, right? If not, you can safely assume Gaara squished Sakura off-screen.

In answer to sinz, the anbu _were_ tailing Sakura whilst she healed herself but, in my mind, they would stay out of sight and merely look out for threats, not lurk outside her window to watch her get changed or something XD (now I have mental images of Jiraiya in the Anbu!) so they didn't see her heal herself.

With the arm situation, in the first chapter I said it was no good for overly complex movements (think dancing, lol), so Sakura was thinking that she could straighten the limb out now that she's become a better medic nin.

Sorry for not making that clear enough :S

**Quick poll take: **Out of sheer curiosity, who is better?

Hyuuga Neji.

Uchiha Sasuke

C) Sabaku no Gaara.


	9. Training scars

After a few unnecessary security protocol checks – the Suna Anbu warily sniffing around their Konoha cousins – Sakura was permitted to go to see the Hokage. Sakura noticed that she wasn't stared at as much around Konoha as she was Suna, but there was some definite recognising going on as total strangers occasionally gave her smiles or awe-filled glances.

It felt so good to be home!

Though Konoha's weather had radically changed since she was last there. It was absolutely freezing. Sakura shivered, making her way up to the Hokage's office, accompanied by her Anbu squad – with the Konoha Anbu predatorily circling out of sight.

The sight of the hokages' faces carved in rock warmed her, as it always did. She wondered what Naruto would look like, and smiled to herself at the thought of his face immortalised in stone, cheeky grin bared for the whole village to witness. They would be forced to acknowledge him when his face was all they could see out of their windows.

Kaede was at her elbow as Sakura walked up the stairs to Tsunade's office. It was jarring, attempting to walk up a narrow staircase with a woman wedged beside her – especially when she could feel Kaede's attentive stare burning through her mask.

Sakura stopped at the top to think for a moment. She looked out at Konoha, and was amazed that nothing had changed in her absence. She could just about make out the Yamanaka flower shop. She grinned, thinking of Ino. She had so many people to visit whilst she was here.

Sakura looked at her former sensei's door. But there was one person she had to visit first.

With a flutter of excitement in her stomach, Sakura pushed open the door.

To be greeted with the sight of Tsunade's head on her desk, drooling all over her papers, sake bottle firmly gripped in her hand.

Sakura gave an indulgent smile. Some things never changed. But the hokage's reputation had to be preserved, so Sakura distracted her Anbu guards by pointing out the hokage monument in the distance, before hastily entering the room and making her way to the unconscious hokage.

"Tsunade-sama." Sakura whispered, gently shaking the hokage's shoulder, "Wake up."

When Tsunade's only response was to snore even louder, Sakura sighed, opened the unfinished bottle of sake – after being forced to pry it from Tsunade's unconscious grip – and wafted the smell of alcohol under Tsunade's nose.

The older woman woke with a groan, "Sake? Why do I smell…? Ugh, I feel sick…"

"Tsunade-sama." Sakura said cheerfully, "You've been drinking in my absence, haven't you?"

Tsunade looked up at her blearily, "No…"

Sakura waved the bottle of sake.

Tsunade yawned and stretched. Then she suddenly stiffened in her chair and turned around to face Sakura. The overall effect of her stunned expression and slow movements was somewhat comical.

"Sakura?" She said in a hushed whisper.

"Hi." Sakura grinned.

Tsunade leapt up from her desk with the energy of a much younger woman and pulled Sakura into a rough hug.

"Haruno-sama." Kaede called awkwardly.

"I'm busy." Sakura said, her voice muffled as her face was pressed against Tsunade's shoulder.

"We will remain outside, Haruno-sama, if you need us." Kaede said respectfully.

"Thanks." Sakura replied. She heard the door close as the older woman left.

Then Tsunade was pushing her back, holding up her hand to the light and studying it closely.

Sakura wiggled her fingers obligingly.

"Sakura…" Tsunade breathed, her face lit up by a massive grin, "You did it! Amazing!"

"Thanks." Sakura said again, blushing slightly from the praise.

"How?" Tsunade looked astonished, "I didn't think such damage could be reversed…"

"Oh, just some home surgery." Sakura grinned.

Tsunade sat back down heavily. "To think my student would come so far… I always knew you'd surpass me; I just assumed it'd be when I was old and grey, dribbling into my sake…"

"You do that now." Sakura pointed out with a grimace. She'd cleaned up enough drool and sake to know that for sure.

Tsunade gave a short laugh. "Well, we should talk about your future." She said musingly.

"What about it?"

"Well, you can't stay in that dodgy Suna hospital for starters. The place is crawling with disease, spies and assassins…"

Sakura's back stiffened in indignation, "It is not crawling with disease! I clean it every chance I get, even though it's not my job. And there was just the one spy and assassin, actually…"

"Sakura, staying in Suna would be a punishment. You'd have to deal with that damned brat Kazekage every day, you wouldn't have access to the medicinal herbs that grow around here and you wouldn't be able to see your friends." Tsunade listed slowly, eyes on Sakura's face.

"Why send me to Suna only to try to make me leave in advance?" Sakura frowned.

"I miss you," Tsunade said simply, "We all miss you. Kakashi looks like he's aged ten years in your absence. And Naruto…"

"You've seen him?" Sakura leant forward excitedly.

"I've seen him in disguise. I thought it best that he stay hidden. He said hello, by the way, and he was unbelievably furious when you were tortured."

Naruto! Sakura smiled nostalgically. It had been too long since she'd seen her best friend – though she never referred to him as such in front of Ino, as the other girl would be infuriated.

How calculating. She laughed inwardly at Tsunade's gall. Using Naruto in an attempt to make her stay.

"I'm sorry, Tsunade-sama, but I'm staying in Suna until Gaara no longer needs me." Sakura said firmly.

Tsunade looked troubled, "Sakura. You are being hunted by Akatsuki. Do you really think you will be safe in Suna? That village is war-torn, devastated politically and economically. Its closest ally used to be its worst enemy. Konoha is the strongest Hidden Village. Suna's people are divided whilst Konoha's fight for the same cause, united. If you stay here, you will be protected."

Now where've I heard that before, Sakura wondered with an amused grin. Gaara had said something along the same lines.

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama. But I am staying in Suna." Sakura reiterated.

Tsunade's hazel eyes hardened. "Haruno Sakura as your Hokage I am recalling you from your mission in Suna."

Sakura didn't even blink, "Tsunade-sama, I want to stay in Suna."

Tsunade glared at her a few more seconds before slumping in her chair, apparently giving in, "Why? What do you like so much about Suna?"

Gaara's face swam into her mind at that point, pale eyes defined sharply by the black rings around them, pale skin contrasting with his dark hair and an steady sensation of _safety_ when in his presence…

Sakura's thoughts stuttered to a halt. Why could she only summon thoughts of Gaara when she tried to picture what she liked about Suna?

"The people of Suna are harsh, tough and unforgiving. But when they warm up to you, they're the kindest people in the world. It feels too hot in Suna most of the time, but it cools down at night and it's just warm and comfortable…" Sakura drifted off in thought, "I'm well respected there. My position as Gaara's assistant –"

"Gaara?" Tsunade looked up sharply, "You call him 'Gaara?'"

Sakura froze. "Oh, it was a request. From him. He doesn't like being called 'Kazekage-sama.' Or even Gaara-san. We're kind of friends now." She was on the edge of babbling there, Sakura thought, panicked. Then she though, wait, why am I worrying? She was telling the truth, after all.

Tsunade raised a pale eyebrow. "You are friends with the Kazekage? The same Kazekage that crushed your arm and tried to kill you?"

"The very same." Sakura gave a sheepish grin.

Tsunade huffed. "You and Naruto are the same. Always making friends with psychopaths."

xxxxxxxx

With Hiroshi and Kaede hovering anxiously at her shoulders, Sakura stepped into the flower shop.

Ino looked the same as ever. Still slim, tall with long platinum blonde hair tied back. The same deft fingers cleverly weaving a wreath, same brow furrowed in concentration, same leg pushing against the counter for purchase as she worked.

And yet, when Sakura saw Ino again for the first time in months, tears immediately sprung to her eyes – to her horror – and she rushed forward.

Ino had put aside the wreath in favour of a vase of white and pink flowers, and was just swinging around to put them on display when she spotted Sakura.

Blue eyes widened. The vase slipped through Ino's fingers and smashed onto the tiled floor, water splashing on her feet, stems and petals flying everywhere.

Ino ignored the broken vase and ran towards Sakura, arms outstretched, eyes filled with tears.

Sakura hugged her back fiercely.

"Ino-pig." Sakura mumbled through tears of happiness.

"F-forehead…" Ino tried to reply but dissolved into tears. She hugged Sakura tighter.

When they finally let go, laughing at each other for crying, Ino cleaned up the mess she'd made as they talked.

"So…" Ino grinned, mopping up the spilt water, "I hear a lot's happened in Suna?"

"Oh, just a little light torture, a few life-changing operations and everyone calls me Haruno-sama now." Sakura said nonchalantly, "How about you?"

Ino bit her lip and brushed her hair out of the way of her eye. She slowly raised her hand.

A diamond twinkled.

Sakura stared at the engagement ring, stunned. "Ino…"

"Kiba." Ino said sheepishly, "The dog is persuasive."

"Why is everyone getting married?" Sakura shook her head in disbelief.

"Aren't you going to congratulate me?" Ino said with a worried-looking grin.

"Of course! I am so happy for you!" Sakura shrieked. They both burst into laughter and began gossiping about boys in general. Much hand-flapping and excited squealing was involved.

Kaede and Hiroshi solemnly guarded the door of the flower shop as the excited squeals drifted out, maintaining serious expressions despite the girly celebration taking place inside. The rest of the squad was either on the rooftops or under henge, passing themselves off as ordinary citizens, blending in with the crowd.

xxxxxxxx

Gai and Lee, unsurprisingly, were too easy to find. They were racing around Konoha. The first time Sakura spotted them; two green blurs sped past her, ignoring her "Lee-san?"

She faintly heard, "Was that Sakura-san?" as Gai and Lee hurtled round the corner.

She groaned and leant against the wall, waiting for them to reappear.

It didn't take long, she heard their proclamations of YOUTH long before they arrived, and very pointedly placed herself in their path.

Lee skidded to a halt in front of her but Gai, too enthusiastic as always, simply leapt over her head and kept going.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted.

Sakura could hear Gai's bellowing laughter grow quieter as he sprinted away.

"Um, he will come back in a bit, he's just fired up." Lee said shyly.

Sakura pulled him into an awkward one-armed hug. He flushed darkly and she released him.

"I've missed you, Lee-san." Sakura said gladly.

To her horror, Lee looked like he was tearing up a bit. He scuffed the ground with his foot awkwardly, "Sakura-san… I heard about you being injured. I know you healed yourself, but I was still worried…"

Sakura pulled up her sleeve to show him the scars. He gasped, eyes widening even further.

"Sakura-san, I am so sorry." Lee said, horrified.

"It's alright Lee-san." Sakura said wearily, "Every shinobi has scars. I'm proud of them. They make me want to work harder."

On more familiar ground with the mentioning of 'hard work,' Lee's eyes gleamed with approval, "That is a very good work ethic, Sakura-san! That is exactly what Gai-sensei says, every bruise makes you stronger!"

Sakura endured a solid five minutes of Lee waxing lyrical about everything from Gai's manly features to his admirable habit of fighting himself in his sleep before the telltale bellow of laughter echoed around the corner.

"Can you stop him?" Sakura asked.

"Definitely!" Lee gave her a thumbs up and a wide, dazzling grin. Shielding her eyes slightly, Sakura watched out for the telltale green blur on the horizon.

"Gai-sensei I need your advice, stop, stop, wait Gai-sensei!" Lee blurted out in one breath.

The green blur slowed until Gai himself appeared, dazzling grin and odd haircut and all.

"Lee!" He bellowed, spotted Sakura and did a double take, "and Sakura! You genius, you! I heard about that operation you performed on yourself, against the odds, eh? VERY NICE." He struck a pose. Lee looked as though he was restraining the urge to burst into applause.

"Yes." Sakura said faintly.

"Hard work wins out every time! Isn't that right, Lee?" Gai gave Lee and eye-watering slap on the back that nearly knocked him over.

"Yes, Gai-sensei!" Lee saluted his teacher.

"Um, Gai-san, I was wondering, would you… mind training me in combat against Sharingan users? It's just, I might be attacked by Uchiha –"

"Definitely!" Gai roared, "I am well-versed in the topic of fighting those with the Sharingan, as your sensei's rival I am the best at fighting such –"

"Is that so?" Kakashi's lazy drawl came from above them. He was perched in a tree, book in hand.

Sakura went to greet her sensei, but was blocked by a particularly violent gesture from Gai. He whirled around and pointed dramatically at his unfazed rival, "Aha! Kakashi! How cool of you to sneak up on me like this! But be warned! I shall teach your own student the methods to defeating you and together we shall –"

"Yeah, that's nice, Gai." Kakashi yawned, turning a page.

"AHA!" Gai shouted, "Such a cool reaction!"

"Hello, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura said, poking her head around Gai.

Her sensei lifted a hand in greeting, "Sakura. Did I hear something about training?"

"Yes, Gai-san is –"

"That's right! Your own student has come to your rival for training! How do you feel about that?" Gai said triumphantly, fist clenched.

"Hmm." Kakashi said vaguely.

Whilst Gai agonised over Kakashi's nonchalance, Sakura stepped up and gestured for Kakashi to join them – Gai's indignant squawks still ringing in her ears. Kakashi sighed and dropped down next to them.

Since they didn't really do hugs, Sakura just smiled at her sensei and he simply nodded. It was their non-verbal equivalent of a hug anyway.

"Gai-san is going to teach me how to fight Itachi, if I have to." Sakura said grimly.

Kakashi's eye narrowed, "You think he'll come after you personally?"

Sakura remembered his cordial manner, the regretful way he sent her off for torture, and shook her head, "No, he was odd when I met him… very polite… but I did get the sense that he was willing to do anything to get the job done. He tried very hard to get me to agree to join them before I eventually decided I'd rather be tortured."

"He gave you a choice?" Kakashi asked quietly.

Gai and Lee had long since grown bored of the conversation and were chatting not too far away, both of them occasionally guffawing or exclaiming something enthusiastically.

"Yes. He threatened my friends and family if I didn't join. It was… extremely difficult to say no." Sakura swallowed and brushed her hair out of her eyes.

Kakashi was silent, leaning against the fence. Sakura followed his one-eyed gaze and found herself gazing at Gai.

"That's why it's easier for shinobi to not have friends and family," Kakashi muttered to himself, "But only in their work life. It gets lonely without someone to care about."

"I trusted that Tsunade-sama would keep everyone Akatsuki threatened safe. I knew my Grandmother would never forgive me for joining a criminal organisation for her. So, I wouldn't have been doing her a favour, in her eyes. It made the choice easier."

"So, I've been hearing some odd rumours about you and the Kazekage…" Kakashi trailed off, eye boring into hers.

"Like what?" Sakura asked, returning his gaze steadily.

"Romance." Kakashi said bluntly.

"And where are these rumours coming from, exactly?"

"Don't know. So, are you saying the rumours aren't true?"

Sakura put her hands on her hips. "Of course they aren't! He's the Kazekage, and my boss!"

"So…?"

"So, that would be unprofessional. Besides, Gaara isn't ready for a romantic relationship yet." Sakura said, but remembered Temari's excitement that Gaara seemed to be growing emotionally.

Perhaps Kakashi saw the doubt in her eyes because he said, "Is that so?"

Sakura hesitated before nodding, "Definitely."

Kakashi let out a short bark of a laugh. "And people say I'm a bad liar."

xxxxxxxx

Sakura let herself in the house with the key she always kept in the holster on her leg. She took a deep breath to steel herself before entering.

"Is that you, Hatake?" Her grandmother's voice said acerbically, "I told you I do not require your assistance, presently."

"It's not Kakashi-sensei, Grandma." Sakura called, peering around the living room door.

Her grandmother sat in the faded old armchair that used to be her husband's favourite chair. Her silvery hair was neatly twisted into a bun. Her green eyes had faded with age and were filmed over, indicating her blindness.

Her head snapped round the arm of the chair – she was a short woman – and though she could barely see Sakura, the little that she could see was apparently enough to make her tear up. To save face she quickly turned her back on her granddaughter.

"Sakura, hello." She said, wiping at her eyes, "Come in, come in and don't just dither in the hallway, girl."

Sakura restrained herself. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself at her grandmother, wanted to hug her tightly and bawl her eyes out.

But her grandmother would not appreciate such an emotional display, so Sakura merely sat down on the settee.

"Hello, Grandma." Sakura said softly.

"Speak up! Hello, dear." Her grandmother said, a hint of a smile about her mouth.

They settled into comfortable silence after that.

Her grandmother reached down and adjusted the blanket on her legs. Her wrinkled face looked serious. "I wouldn't have agreed to you taking up the Kazekage's offer if I knew what would happen." Her eyes traced the scarred arm and healed hand.

"I'm glad you did," Sakura said honestly, "I'm a better shinobi for it."

The old woman sniffed derisively, "Yes, well, I never really thought much of the shinobi way."

"So, is Kakashi-sensei helping you?"

"Humph. Every day he breaks into my house and tidies up. He thinks I need help but I don't, DO YOU HEAR ME HATAKE?" She bawled, eyes searching the room suspiciously.

"He isn't here, Grandma." Sakura said gently.

"Humph. Just as well. Can't stand to see him moping around like someone kicked his puppy."

The door swung open and Sakura's mother walked in, chatting as she entered the kitchen. "I see shoes in the hall! Is that Hatake-san, again? Tell him I've just bought more of the soup he likes," She called, bags rustling as she began to put away the shopping.

"Hatake isn't here." Sakura's grandmother called back.

"Oh?" Sakura's mother stood behind her own mother's chair, frowning down at her. She half-turned slightly.

She was a plump woman with a permanently worried expression. Her own hair was rose-pink, slightly paler than her daughter's. Her eyes were just as green. Now, her mouth dropped open in shock as her daughter rose from her place on the couch, arms outstretched.

"Hi, Mum."

Sakura's mother just stared at her. Seconds ticked by as Sakura waited for her mother to hug her.

"Sakura?" Her mother said, her voice faint.

Sakura nodded uncertainly.

Her mother swallowed back a sob and embraced her daughter. The warm, maternal hug had been what Sakura had been craving ever since she was first imprisoned in the Akatsuki cell, screams of her fellow prisoners ringing in her ears, the taste of her fear the bile in her throat, the hollow certainty that she would never see her mother again.

Tears dampened her mother's collar as Sakura cried in relief.

xxxxxxxx

The next two weeks were spent with Sakura training, hard, with both Lee and Gai. It also meant she had to put up with suffering random ambushes from Gai, who claimed he was testing her reflexes.

Sakura somersaulted away, eyes on Gai's feet as he ran towards her. His left foot twitched slightly, but she didn't fall for the feint, merely twisted right to block the enormous kick she knew was coming.

After such gruelling training, Sakura could read body language like a book. It helped that Lee and Gai liked to call out their attacks before completing them. Whenever Lee shouted, "Konoha senpuu!" Sakura knew to duck or lose her head.

Gai stood still.

Sakura watched his feet closely, barely breathing. Gai was coiled up like a predator waiting to spring. Sakura didn't panic, she just spread herself out, planting her legs far apart, fist up to guard her face.

And then Lee burst from the bushes, a whirling blur of leaves and spandex.

Sakura rose to meet him, fist snapping down and connecting with the ground. She leapt away from the chasm she created; knowing Lee could easily evade it also. She closed her eyes, trying to locate Gai.

There was the tiniest of noises to her left and Sakura jumped off the branch in time to avoid Gai's fist, throwing Senbon to disable the offending limb. Gai blocked the Senbon and jumped after her.

They fought for hours.

"Come on Sakura, how can you beat Akatsuki when you can't beat me?" Gai taunted, blocking her increasingly feeble attempts to hit him.

He grew serious when she faltered, "Sakura, you are all that stands between yourself being captured. You have guards and you have friends but if you also have doubt then Akatsuki will find it easier to capture you. If you ever have to fight them, let the images of your friends and family fill your mind, and know that you are fighting to protect yourself and them."

Sakura breathed out. Naruto, she thought. Big blue eyes, blonde hair, tan skin. Cheeky grin. The bravest person she knew.

Ino. Pale blonde hair, cool blue eyes and pale skin. Her very first and best friend.

Her family. Her mother, too prone to nagging, but with a kind heart. Her grandmother. Fierce and proud, but the toughest old woman Sakura had ever met.

Sakura's resolve wavered once more when she found herself thinking automatically of Sasuke. Pale skin, angry dark eyes, spiky hair. So angry. So selfish in his quest for revenge.

Someone she still wanted to protect.

Sakura lunged at Gai, seeing him as who he was pretending to be, Itachi. He blocked her fist but actually stumbled when she elbowed him in the side. Sakura burst from the ground with chakra-laden feet, and kicked out at his chest. When Gai caught her foot he threw her back.

She landed on all fours, panting.

"It's not enough, Sakura!" Gai bellowed, snapping a leg down in a devastating kick.

Sakura rolled and dodged the blow.

Gaara came to mind.

She found the strength to grab Gai's foot as it came towards her, and, using her chakra, muscles pulled taut as she threw him bodily away with a shout of rage.

Gai landed neatly, looking surprised.

Sakura began to walk to him, her fist held upright, glowing blue.

When Gai used his speed to attack her from behind, Sakura grabbed his arm and smacked him into the ground. He came up fighting, however, and his fist grazed her face. The edge of the blow alone was enough to send her spinning.

Sakura steadied herself with one foot ripping up the dirt, turning to meet Gai's fist.

She blocked it with a straightforward guard and then sent a punch of her own. Gai dodged, but the force of the blow was enough to send Sakura moving towards him, where she took advantage of the move by jumping onto Gai's shoulders and kicking him down into the dirt.

Gai's speed was frightening. One moment he was on the ground, next minute he was in the air, leg outstretched.

Sakura automatically leapt away from him as he rapidly descended.

The kick he sent missed, but his punch hit her face, hard. It was like being hit by a mountain.

Sakura fought past the pain and held her hand up in the 'come and get me' gesture she'd seen Lee use so many times before, ignoring the blood trickling down her cheek.

To her surprise, Gai began to clap, "Well done! VERY NICE. You never once looked me in the eyes!"

xxxxxxxx

The Anbu squad had grown restless quickly. Sakura struggled to keep up with them as they sprinted away from Konoha. She was sorry to see the gates of Konoha disappear behind them as they ran.

Kaede's brown hair flew as the older woman hurried, her grip on Sakura's wrist firm and comforting.

The sun was high in the sky.

Hiroshi held a hand up to stop the group. Four members automatically covered every direction around Sakura.

He seemed to be trying to sense something when a kunai buried itself in his throat and he pitched forward, a surprised gasp escaping his lips.

The other members instantly formed a wall around Sakura. It didn't matter, however, as Sakura could still clearly see who their assailant was.

Uchiha Itachi stood next to his enormous partner, who was grinning a very disconcerting grin indeed.

Sakura's stomach clenched in pure, unadulterated fear as those red eyes lifted to look at her.

They had come for her at last.

* * *

><p>Bwahaha! The action begins again! Poor Hiroshi, we knew thee well. Or not.<p>

This chapter is a little too filled with hugs and cheerfulness, but Sakura could hardly visit Konoha without seeing everyone again and they aren't exactly going to just wave hello, are they?

Kakashi has been helping out Sakura's family, when her grandmother refers to him breaking in; she doesn't know he does so to set up wards to keep them safe. He also tidies up. This is because, 1) he's lonely, 2) he wants to keep Sakura's family safe, 3) they feed him.

Yes, Ino's engagement to Kiba is dealt with in just a casual remark, but trust me, she and Sakura happily gossiped about it for hours.

Yes, Sakura didn't go see Sai. Know why? I don't know anything about him except he looks eerily like Sasuke and I didn't want another greeting scene.

P.S. writing Gai is very fun, but mentally exhausting.

**Quick poll take:** Who thinks Sasuke is still a good guy?

A) Yes, he's just misled in his quest for revenge.

B) Sort of, he's done some bad things but can still be redeemed.

C) No, kill him with fire.

D) Other.


	10. Fighting scars

Sakura caught Hiroshi before he hit the ground. She pressed her hand against the wound in his neck, feeling the blood flow slickly past her fingers. Her hand glowed green.

"You better run." Sakura warned loudly.

"We will not leave you." Kaede said firmly. The loss of her captain seemed to just make her even more determined.

"I was talking to them." Sakura glared at Kisame. Hiroshi spluttered, his breath coming in wheezes.

"Oh? We aren't going to run, little kunoichi. But if you'd like to make this a chase scene, I'd be happy to oblige." Kisame said, pulling out Samehada.

"Why would we run?" Sakura heard Itachi say. She gave his feet a cursory glance before scoffing.

"Because you just pissed me off." Sakura said, enunciating every syllable to make her meaning perfectly clear. She was _angry_.

Hiroshi's neck was healed but he was weak from blood loss. The others closed ranks around him, shielding him.

A blade was unsheathed in one quick movement as Kaede pulled out a long, curved sword from its hilt on her belt and pointed it towards Itachi and Kisame. "Our orders are to protect Haruno-sama," Kaede said, "please surrender your weapons and allow yourselves to be detained safely for your own benefit."

Kisame laughed, "Sure, Usagi-chan. We'll do that." And with that he pulled the bandages from his sword and held it aloft.

Kaede merely said calmly, ignoring the gigantic sword in her face, "That is not my name. I will repeat, stand down and we will not hurt you."

"You guys are a riot. Are all you Konoha lot so overconfident or is it just little bunny here?" Kisame bared his teeth.

Kaede moved her sword slightly and a small cut appeared on Kisame's cheek, "Overconfidence is not something Konoha promotes. Strength, however, is something we all possess."

Kisame brushed a hand over the tiny wound in his face. His expression was dark.

Itachi's sleeve rustled as he moved his arm upwards. Sakura assumed he was pointing to his hitae-ate, "You forget my origin, Anbu-san." Itachi said quietly.

"Origin, perhaps. But you are not a resident of Konoha," Kaede said scathingly, "You do not possess true strength."

"Oh?" Itachi said, and vanished.

He reappeared in front of Sakura. She didn't panic, just looked at his shoes and waited for him to make a move, "It seems you have learned something." Itachi said.

His feet disappeared as he did, and Sakura looked up to track his movements. Kaede had pushed him back with the blunt end of her sword, using the momentum to strike again and cut deeper. He was forced away from Sakura.

"You will not be easily defeated, Anbu-san." Itachi said respectfully, "You know not to look me in the eyes."

"Don't try to flatter me," Kaede blocked a blow with the handle of her sword, "Every toddler knows not to look a murderer in the eyes."

Then the other Anbu pressed in on her. Sakura was confused at first before she realised that the members on the edges had gone to join the fight, and the few that were left were compensating by squeezing in tighter. She could not longer see the fight.

Metal clashed on metal and Kaede gave a slight hiss in pain.

Hiroshi's hand appeared before Sakura's face. He indicated through sign language that he was going to fight and she should keep her guard up.

Sakura pulled a few senbon from the sheath in her holster, keeping them between her fingers. She grabbed a kunai and waited. She closed her eyes. She couldn't see anything but the Anbu guards in front of her anyway, so she needed to rely on her hearing.

A strangled cry, chakra abruptly cut off. A death.

Sakura's fingers itched to bury her weapons into flesh; she wanted to join the fight so badly… But it didn't matter that she was a shinobi herself, she was still the client they were required to protect. She couldn't interfere, she would only distract them. Ah, it was just like old times, back when she was a useless genin cheering Sasuke on as he fought to protect her useless ass.

And then suddenly blood spurted upwards and the two Anbu in front of her fell down dead. Sakura felt hands try to pull her away from Itachi, but they were swiftly cut down too.

One by one the Anbu fell until it was just Sakura shaking in the middle of a ring of corpses.

She gritted her teeth and slowly raised her hands in front of her face in a tight guard.

"Sakura-san, we need not fight. Our offer still stands." Itachi said softly. Sakura could smell the blood he was drenched in.

"You think I would prefer torture over joining you but change my mind later on?" Sakura said acidly.

"The thought of more torture surely serves as some deterrent, surely? Akatsuki will not be patient forever, Sakura-san."

"Deterrent!" Sakura spat, "It was a test!"

"You passed," Itachi said lightly, "Congratulations."

"I will never heal your eyes. I hope you go to your death blind and helpless." Sakura said heatedly.

"Then there is nothing more to discuss." Itachi said coldly.

Sakura ignored the malevolence Itachi had begun to radiate, and threw senbon into his ankle when he tried to kick her. It caught him off guard and he almost stumbled.

She jumped over his head and ran towards Kisame. The man looked surprised. Kaede was fighting him one-handed, because she had lost her left hand at some point, all that remained was a bloody stump.

Hiroshi was a crumpled heap on the ground.

Sakura registered this numbly, thinking of Hiroshi's gruff kindness and Kaede's determination to protect her, and she swung a fist at Kisame. He dodged the other way, and ended up with a side full of senbon, as Sakura had been feinting, pretending to dodge with one hand to catch him off guard.

"I learnt this from Kankuro." Sakura said and allowed Kisame to swing a fist at her face. She ran backwards and he followed, running hard after her.

He stopped, howling in pain.

The chakra strings Sakura had tied to the senbon in Itachi's ankle and Kisame's side had caused the embedded needles to rip open part of Itachi's leg and Kisame's torso.

Sakura didn't pause for reaction; whilst Kisame doubled over in pain she threw a chakra-enhanced fist at the ground and pushed Kaede out of the way.

She and Kaede were the only ones left now. Her mask had been ripped off; Sakura wondered if Kisame had done it on purpose. Her face was plain but set in determination.

Sakura gently held Kaede's wrist, "I can't save the hand, I can only close the wound." She said regretfully.

"Quickly." Kaede said.

As she focused on closing the wound, she noticed the smoke from the crater she had left had dissolved into mist. Unnatural, obviously a jutsu of some sort. She sealed the wound and looked at the place she had last seen the Akatsuki members.

She closed her eyes.

"If you are going to try to sneak up on me at least ensure I cannot heal your breathing." Kaede said frankly.

Sakura jumped in surprise and turned.

Kisame's face was inches from her own, eerie shark grin glinting in the sunlight. The mist stretched over his face until all that was left was his menacing chuckle. "Oh, I am going to have such fun with you…" His disembodied voice said.

"Scare tactic." Kaede said disdainfully. She didn't even seem slightly rattled by the carnage they had seen, or by the loss of her hand. If this numbness was a shared quality of all the Anbu, Sakura did not want it.

Kaede held her sword upright in front of Sakura defensively.

But in one swift movement Itachi appeared out of the mist and shoved Kaede's own sword through her stomach.

Kaede coughed and gasped.

Sakura reflexively lunged at the Uchiha, but he withdrew instantly and she was left alone with a dying woman. Kaede's legs buckled beneath her and she sank to the floor.

Sakura knelt down beside her, not feeling the tears on her cheeks, just feeling the awful hollow ache of fear and grief in her stomach. She held the older woman and quickly removed the sword, feeling sick at the resistance Kaede's stomach made against the blade as it left her body.

She pressed her glowing hand against the gaping wound and ignored the pessimistic voice in the back of her head saying it wouldn't work, she was too far gone.

Kaede slowly brushed a thumb against the wound and placed her hand on the ground, thumb covered in blood.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu." She said weakly. Sakura helped her perform the hand seals necessary for the summoning, as they required two hands.

There was a small puff of smoke and a raven appeared.

Its intelligent dark eyes narrowed upon seeing Kaede. "Kaede? Are you dying?"

Kaede managed a weak glare, "Inform the Kazekage that Haruno Sakura is alone fighting two Akatsuki mem –"

She was cut off by a kunai slicing her throat, cutting her vocal chords. The kunai had been expertly thrown to completely miss Sakura.

The raven croaked in shock.

Kaede glared over Sakura's shoulder at her assailant and defiantly completed the message in sign language.

"Kaede!" The raven protested.

She shook her head and pointed weakly to the sky.

With one last, regretful look, the raven took off with a single flap of its powerful wings.

A kunai barely missed it as it flew.

It gave a contemptuous croak and flew higher and higher until it was out of range.

Sakura heard Kisame curse behind her, "Shit."

Kaede's mouth was leaking blood and her eyes were dulling.

"Kaede…" Sakura said, eyes filled with tears. She gripped the other woman's hand.

Kaede squeezed it back feebly and then slumped, the life spilling out of her eyes.

Sakura felt the hand in hers go limp.

She released it numbly and stood. She turned to face the two men she knew would be waiting.

She stared unseeingly at Itachi's mouth. It was curved in a triumphant smile. "You have done well, Sakura-san, but you are alone now. Your best option is to give up."

"I don't 'give up,'" Sakura said savagely. She picked up Kaede's sword and pointed it at him, "I will never join you, so find some other medic."

"I'm afraid that's not possible, Sakura-san," Itachi said, almost apologetically, "Akatsuki want _you._"

"Yeah, so why don't you just save us some time and give up already?" Kisame snorted.

Sakura looked at him. Kaede had obviously done a fair bit of damage, his face was swollen with bruising and his left arm was cut open. The damage Sakura had done to his side was evident in the way he had been forced to bandage the wound in the middle of battle.

Sakura looked at Itachi's ankle and laughed mirthlessly at the matching bandage she saw wrapped around it.

"The torture really fucked up your arm, huh?" Kisame said, his eyes on her arm.

"Nothing I can't heal." Sakura said and attacked in the same instant. She fell into the rhythm of battle gladly, the adrenaline singing in her veins distracting her from the ache of losing her new friends.

Sakura was a blur, blocking his kicks and raining blows down upon Kisame's head so fiercely and unpredictably that he was forced to move back.

A swish of a black cloak to her right and before she knew it, Itachi had joined the dance.

Sakura let the sword cut through the air, narrowly missing Itachi's face. His feet betrayed him, every time he tried to attack Sakura felt herself respond naturally, spinning around and ducking gracefully.

"You've been training." Kisame said, the playful grin on his lips telling Sakura he wasn't taking her seriously. He was holding back for fun.

Itachi, however, was massively holding back because he obviously didn't want to damage her. She supposed she'd be no use to him handless.

He darted forward and tried to grip her chin to force her to meet his gaze so he could end the fight by sending her to sleep. Sakura responded by clenching her eyes shut and sending a vicious kick to the stomach his way. He flew back and for that moment, was out of the fight.

Sakura opened her eyes and grabbed Kisame's cloak, "I've been training," She grunted, pulling the cloak towards her, "Every day." She sent him stumbling along with his cloak.

She swept his feet out from under him with a low kick whilst his concentration was on her grip on his cloak and, instead of letting him fall; she pulled him up and punched him in the face with a single chakra-laden fist.

He lay sprawled on the ground, blood trickling down his face.

"Hey, Itachi!" Sakura shouted.

There was a moment of silence before Itachi appeared, limping slightly.

"I am _sick_ of having to look over my shoulder every day because I was good enough to heal something _you_ caused! I will _not_ have my life dictated by a murdering psychopath like you! I'm going to kill you here, Sasuke and his revenge be _damned_, if you don't start taking this fight seriously!" Sakura yelled furiously.

"Look me in the eyes and I will take you seriously." Itachi replied.

"If I looked you in the eyes the fight would be over."

"Knowing that, how could I take you seriously?" He said mockingly.

Sakura let out a cry of anger and kicked out at him. He dodged almost lazily. The mist had dissipated; Sakura could see his cloak flying around as he continually dodged her attacks.

How could she defeat the legendary Uchiha Itachi?

She froze, remembering what Gai had said. She was the only thing standing between herself and capture. There was no room for doubt. She closed her eyes and breathed out slowly, thinking of her loved ones.

Ino. She summoned a tiny paper bomb and tied it to the end of her sword.

Her mother and grandmother. She fixed explosive tags to two kunai.

Kakashi-sensei. She tied chakra strings to the sword and the kunai.

Sasuke. She dodged Itachi's punch.

Naruto. She spun around and kicked Itachi.

Gaara. She lifted her sword and pointed it at him as he stumbled.

Itachi's eyes were on the sword, Sakura was certain despite the fact she could not see them. She made a stabbing motion at him and he dodged.

The motion of the sword triggered the chakra string and pulled at the explosive tags on the kunai.

Sakura had tied the chakra string to Itachi's hitae-ate without him noticing.

She used her chakra-enhanced strength to fling the sword and the kunai at Itachi, simultaneously igniting the tags.

The result was Itachi disappearing in the ensuing explosion and Sakura being knocked back several feet.

"I work better with my hands anyway." Sakura said, not mourning the loss of the sword at all. Whilst Itachi was distracted she bit her thumb and touched the ground.

"Kuchiyose no jutsu!" She shouted.

There was a popping sound and a puff of smoke.

As the smoke cleared, a massive slug emerged, white with purple markings around the eyes and a long stripe on her back.

"Mine-san!" Sakura shouted, "I know I'm only supposed to summon you if Tsunade is here but I'm in trouble!"

Mine's great head bobbed down to look at Sakura, "Sakura-chan," She said gently, sounding as though she was speaking underwater, "I must find somewhere damp. This is too hot."

"I'm sor- " Sakura began to say, before she was cut off by a kunai flashing across her chest. Blood welled up from the deep cut and her eyes widened in shock. She automatically directed her chakra to see to the wound.

Mine looked down at Itachi slowly, "Ah… this is your attacker?" Without warning, Mine's mouth pursed and acid spewed out, narrowly missing Itachi, "Humph… I missed."

"A slug summoning? You truly are Tsunade's apprentice." Itachi said slowly.

"And the Kazekage's bodyguard." Sakura reminded him, "Mine-san, this man intends to capture me and force me to join his criminal organisation."

The great slug made a sound like a boiling kettle, "But Sakura-chan is just a child… a criminal organisation…? I don't think so…"

And with that, Mine's optical feelers began to sway on top of her head and she began to move in rhythmic waves. Though she was a smallish summon, there was enough room for Sakura to sit on top of her, so when Mine stopped in front of her and gestured one feeler towards her back, Sakura jumped on.

"Oh… there are an awful lot of dead people here, Sakura-chan, no place for a child…" Mine said, her tone chastising.

Sakura gritted her teeth; Mine's insistence that at sixteen, Sakura was a child was hugely irritating to bear. Tsunade had not recommended summoning Mine in battle, but she was all that Sakura could summon. Katsuya, Tsunade's great slug, was beyond her skill to summon, however useful she might be.

Itachi suddenly jumped up, kunai in hand, and attempted to slash at Mine's underbelly. The great slug contracted her body, making it harder, and the kunai merely bounced off without affect.

Sakura closed her eyes.

"Orders, Sakura-chan?" Mine asked quietly, hardly seeming to notice Itachi's attempt to disembowel her.

"Head for Suna." Sakura pointed in the direction she wanted the slug to travel in, "Though it'll be hotter, there will be more shade for you."

A crow suddenly appeared in front of Sakura's face and tried to peck out her eyes. Sakura grabbed it and threw it away.

Mine didn't even notice.

"Sakura-san, I would like to retrieve you unharmed but if you persist in attempting to escape I will take you back to Akatsuki in pieces." Itachi said from behind her.

Sakura turned.

Itachi was standing on the end of Mine's tail. From the little Sakura dared look at of his face, he was deeply frowning.

"You killed Kaede. You killed Hiroshi. You killed the people who have been doing their best to protect me for weeks now. You tortured me. And you expect me to just happily go with you? No. I won't. You'll have to drag my dead body back to Akatsuki because I will never let myself be taken alive again." Sakura said fervently.

"We've been fighting for hours, Sakura-san. You must be running out of chakra by now."

"Ha!" Sakura snorted, "You said it yourself. I have perfect chakra control. And I've read your file. You have very low chakra reserves yourself. What's wrong? Why are you only summoning crows? Can't you use your sharingan? Are your eyes really that bad? I guess you really do need me. Well, tough."

She blocked his attack with a kunai and took a step back. Mine continued towards Suna relentlessly, despite the intense heat.

"If you persist in fighting on my back, Sakura-chan, I ask only that you try not to injure me." Mine said sweetly.

Upon hearing that, Itachi took out a kunai and went to stab Mine in the back. Sakura panicked, grabbed his kunai with her bare fingers, hissing when the sharp metal cut the skin. "Leave her alone." Sakura said threateningly and threw him backwards.

He staggered.

"Very well. I suppose with Kisame down and with my chakra reserves as you so astutely pointed out running low, I suppose I have no choice." Itachi said coldly.

Sakura looked up when Itachi's feet vanished. There was nothing there but the slug's back. The sky was brilliantly blue and heat was scorching the earth.

She squinted in the bright sunlight, fear curling around her stomach.

And then he reappeared and the pain began.

Her eyes had automatically shut and she had fallen to her knees. She could hear her own wheezing breath rattling, her chest felt tight and her stomach was just one massive searing ache.

He'd stabbed her with Kaede's blade.

He bent down next to her; Sakura could smell the blood and feel his breath next to her ear. His cold fingers felt for a pulse in her neck.

Sakura reached out and sliced a muscle in his shoulder. It was a large one and he hissed in surprise and pain.

"Careless." Sakura admonished with a blood-soaked grin. She could feel herself weakening, her limbs trembling. The sun was still bright behind her eyelids, her body felt hot and she was still lying on Mine, who had never once stopped moving.

Sakura felt something rising in her chest and she coughed up a bloody film that clung to her lips and tasted like copper.

The pain was bad, but she forced herself to ignore it. She'd suffered worse, after all. They had broken her bones slowly and burnt her legs as she watched.

Her eyes opened in slits and she could just see a blurred sliver of Itachi's face. "I could relieve your pain right now. All you would have to do is agree to join Akatsuki."

Sakura's eyes were wet. "Sasuke would never forgive me." She whispered.

Itachi's blurred image drew back and Sakura got the feeling that she had surprised him once more.

"Then I will take you by force and hope you survive the trip." Itachi said, bending down again. His hands gently gripped her arms and he tried to move her.

She howled in pain.

Mine stopped abruptly, "Sakura-chan?"

Sakura slid forwards slightly as Mine turned her head to look back at her.

Blood was steadily flowing from her stomach. She couldn't explain the odd sensation in her chest.

"Sakura-chan…" Mine said gravely.

And then suddenly Mine increased the mucus on her back and, taken off guard, Itachi began to slide down. He used a kunai to dig into Mine's back for purchase. He slid to a halt.

"Ow." Mine said, and squirted acid directly at Itachi.

He swore and threw off his coat, which was hissing and bubbling.

"Get off my back." Mine started rocking back and forth.

Sakura felt herself falling and scrabbled about weakly. She saw Itachi move to grab her as she fell but missed.

She hit the ground much too quickly, and felt a few ribs crack and her shoulder throbbed in pain.

She lay face down in the boiling hot sand.

She was too far gone in a haze of pain to think clearly.

All she could hear was shouting.

She moved her head sluggishly and looked up.

Gaara was standing in front of Mine, sand floating around him, his face a picture of pure, concentrated fury.

Temari stood next to him, gigantic fan dug in the sand. Her pretty face looked harsh and angry. Shikamaru was straining against Mine, his shadow jutsu barely keeping her still.

Kankuro had noticed Sakura, his face horror-struck. He ran towards her. A black blur cut him off in a swirl of red clouds, and Itachi's kunai bounced off of Karasu.

"Uchiha Itachi," Gaara snapped, "Get away from Sakura or I will kill you." He said it matter-of-factly, but the throbbing vein pulsing in his forehead revealed his anger. The sand hissed around him.

"This is a warning." Temari said, with a nasty-looking smirk that usually meant someone was getting disembowelled, "Don't come near Sakura again. Tell Akatsuki to leave her alone. If you don't, we will hunt you all down and," She smacked her fan down in the sand, "we will crush you like the bugs you are."

"She is protected by the Kazekage and the Hokage. Do you really want to piss off two shinobi villages?" Kankuro added, Karasu still blocking Itachi's way.

Sakura could dimly see what looked like hundreds of shinobi behind Gaara.

She struggled to pull herself along in the sand. Her eyes were filled with hot tears, her face was sore and every time her skin touched the sand it was scorched painfully.

Mine bristled with fury and spat some more acid at Itachi for good measure. "Sakura-chan's chakra has run out so I will have to go now, but add my name to the list of your enemies, Uchiha…"

She disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Itachi threw a kunai in Sakura's direction, as though curious to see what would happen. What happened was that a wall of sand blocked the weapon, and Temari let out an outraged cry and threw her fan at him.

Itachi dissolved into crows.

"Shit!" Kankuro said.

"I bet he's gone for his partner," Gaara said grimly, "Go after him."

The shinobi behind him shot past the Kazekage.

Shikamaru knelt down besides Sakura, "She needs a medic, she's been stabbed."

Gaara swallowed and went to run to her. He hesitated. Sakura managed a smile in his direction.

"You have to stop doing this, Sakura." Gaara said.

"Doing what?" Sakura rasped.

"Making me worry." Gaara knelt down next to Shikamaru and touched her face lightly.

"I'll do better next time." Sakura promised. Her vision dulled and Gaara's face disappeared.

All she could see was blue sky.

"She's lost a lot of blood." She heard Shikamaru say sombrely.

"But she's going to be OK, right? Shikamaru?" Temari asked, sounding slightly desperate.

"Sakura?" Kankuro said.

"I won't let you die, Sakura." Gaara said quietly.

* * *

><p>OK, Mine the slug. I think you pronounce her name like 'Min-eh.' I'm not sure. I made her up, lol. I have no idea if Sakura could summon something like Mine, but I thought it'd be cool, so…<p>

Kaede… oh, poor Kaede.

And Hiroshi! You thought he died last chapter! But no! He died in this one.

The reason why Sakura isn't a bloody smear on the ground after fighting both Kisame and Itachi is because neither of them was allowed to kill her. Though Itachi did his best, poor thing.

**Quick poll take:** What's your favourite jutsu?

A) Kage Mane no Jutsu (Shikamaru's shadow jutsu)

B) Kuchiyose no jutsu (Summoning)

C) Shintenshin no Jutsu (Ino's mind-transfer jutsu)

D) Other!


	11. Leaving scars

A clock was ticking quietly in the corner of the room and Sakura sat cross-legged on the hospital bed, staring at her lap. Her eyes were misted over as she was deep in thought.

She could not stop thinking about that day.

Kaede's eyes emptying of life. The surprised croak of the raven, the sudden gush of blood from Kaede's throat.

Hiroshi's pale, still face.

The dead bodies of the Anbu squad littering the desert.

The stench of blood as Itachi leaned closer…

Sakura pressed her shaking hands to her eyes to try to stop herself thinking about it.

It felt as though the only thing real in the world was the pain of her stab wound, throbbing angrily as her pulse raced.

Her breathing quickened. It had been so terrifying… She tried to steady herself by planting her hands firmly on the bed, but only managed to sway dizzily.

She gripped the metal bars on the bed, wincing at the screeching noise the metal made as she squeezed it. Her fingers left imprints on the surface of the bars.

When the shaking and the pain had lessened, Sakura lay back down on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

The door opened and closed quietly.

Sakura continued to stare at the ceiling as the person approached her bed.

Temari's face appeared, brows drawn in concern and mouth set in a deep frown. "Sakura? Are you alright?"

Sakura shook her head.

"Are you in pain?"

Pain. Agonising, splintering pain in her stomach.

A tiny nod.

"Should I get a nurse?"

"No." Sakura said hoarsely, "I can do it myself."

She sat up, adjusting the pillows until she could lean against them. Her hand shook slightly as she placed it over the stab wound. She hissed in pain. It was still tender.

She had been unconscious for a week.

She had blurry memories of Gaara's anxious face hovering over her and of her stumbling about the hospital room, IV drip pulled taut as she tried to escape. The nurses rushing around, pushing her back in bed. She'd punched one, she remembered hollowly. The poor nurse had taken a hard hit, though luckily Sakura couldn't use her chakra at that point.

The edges of the wound were jagged and torn; the sword had been jarred in her stomach from when she had fallen off of Mine.

Sakura took a deep breath and sank into the wound.

Quite a bit of blood loss, though her condition had been stabilised. Bruising around the wound from her fall. The ribs had been fully healed. The stab wound itself was small but messy and any movement involving her torso caused fiery pain to erupt.

Her hands glowed.

Temari had sat down next to her bed to watch.

Sakura didn't even bother unwrapping the bandage to touch the skin. She could heal this without direct contact.

In five minutes she had reduced the stab wound to a mere scratch. It was all she could accomplish after a week living off a drip and stale water. She lay back down, panting.

"You OK now?" Temari asked quietly.

Sakura just nodded.

"Listen… you need to tell us what happened. We need to file a report- "

"No." Sakura said, turning over to face the wall so she couldn't see Temari's concerned face.

"No?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Sakura said, ignoring the way her body had begun to tremble and the flood of memories of that day that swept over her.

"Sakura, please."

The tears wouldn't come. Maybe after all these years she'd finally used them up.

"I don't want to talk about it." Sakura repeated, her voice sounding strangled.

"I'm so –"

"No! Don't tell me you're sorry! It doesn't help! People tell me they're sorry about what happened to me every day and it never means anything. I don't need your 'sorry.'" Sakura snapped and tried to force herself to stop shaking.

"I'll go." Temari said, sounding upset.

"No, wait…" Sakura felt awful all of a sudden. She turned back around to face the older girl.

Temari looked pale and drawn and Sakura's harsh words had brought her close to tears.

Sakura wiped her dry eyes just like Temari always used to. This brought a smile to the other girl's lips.

"It's just… hard," Sakura struggled to find the right words, "It was so horrifying… I felt numb at the time but now I keep having flashbacks and wondering how I could have withstood it. If I wasn't running on pure adrenaline at the time I think I would have fainted."

Temari just sighed as though she could relate. Suna's training and their subsequent missions were much harsher than Konoha's, so perhaps she had been through something similar.

"I feel so guilty. Kaede-san… Hiroshi-san. All of the others. I didn't even know their names. And they died for me."

And with that, the dam broke and the tears gushed out.

She sat upright in her bed, sobbing, with Temari holding her gently as though she would break if handled too roughly.

"It's just survivor's guilt," Temari murmured into her shoulder, patting her back, "It'll go away eventually. But you survived, Sakura. Akatsuki didn't get to you. You're here, and you're alive."

Sakura let the words sink in and was thus prepared for the tidal wave of relief. She was alive… It hadn't occurred to her that she could have died. She was stuck on thoughts of Kaede and the rest of them.

"Did you catch them?" Sakura asked. She didn't bother getting her hopes up.

"No. They're fast and dangerous. They didn't quite manage to kill anyone else in their escape, so that's something to be thankful for."

"True." Sakura extricated herself from Temari's hold gently, "Did you get word from Konoha yet?"

Temari visibly flinched.

"Oh, God, what now?" Sakura moaned. She didn't think she could deal with more bad news.

"The Hokage's demanding that we send you back to Konoha. She's even sent a team to retrieve you, they should get here tomorrow. Gaara's been spending all his time trying to get her to change her mind, but she's sticking to it for now…" Temari scowled.

Sakura's shoulders slumped. She wasn't aware of how fond she was of Suna until people kept trying to take her away from it.

"He said something about the Hokage's deal… He said he could use it to force her to let you stay." Temari said thoughtfully.

"What deal is it, anyway?" Sakura asked curiously. Kakashi-sensei had dropped a few tantalising details – it was about her, and it would upset her – but he hadn't been allowed to tell her much.

"Above my payroll." Temari grimaced, "Gaara just scowls at me when I ask and mutters, 'its Kage-level classified, Temari.' I'm like, well I'm the sister of a Kage, doesn't that count? And he just ignores me."

"This deal is so highly classified even you don't know about it?" Sakura said incredulously, "And it's about me?"

Temari made a face, "Whoops, said too much. Not that I know more than you, really. Shikamaru, of all people, knows it all because it's his mission, but he won't tell me. Not even after I threatened to withhold – " She stopped talking abruptly, face flushing.

"- er, cooked meals?" Sakura supplied with a grin.

"Actually, Shikamaru cooks for us." Temari said, missing the point.

"Really?" Sakura said, delighted. The image of Shikamaru cooking for his fiancée in an apron was too funny for words.

"He's actually really good. He said it was because his teammate likes eating so much that he learned how to cook so he could treat him."

They both looked up as the door opened again.

Gaara wasn't in his usual Kazekage robes – he simply wore the black shirt and trouser combo Sakura had seen him wear before. Even whilst wearing casual clothing, everything about the Kazekage screamed authority, from the stiffened posture to the narrowed jadeite eyes.

"Temari, I want to speak to Sakura." He said directly.

Temari just stayed still.

"Alone." Gaara raised his hairless brows.

Temari huffed, getting up and dropping another tiny fan into Sakura's lap. It was a tradition of Temari's. When Ino was her standard best friend she got flowers. Hinata sent polite cards. Temari left fans. Sakura had more than one would ever need in a single lifetime.

All the same, she gave Temari a grateful grin, and examined her present. It was pale pink with green slivers running through the fabric. The metal was sturdy and polished.

"It reminded me of you." Temari shrugged at her questioning look, "Well, see you two later. Gaara, if you don't sleep tonight I'm going to beat you till you fall unconscious. Bye!"

She swept out of the room with a victorious smirk as Gaara just stared at her blankly.

After she left Gaara took the unoccupied seat next to Sakura's bed.

"From now on you are not to leave the village." Gaara said in a low, serious voice.

Sakura raised a pale eyebrow, "I'm supposed to leave tomorrow –"

"You won't, I promise. I've written to Tsunade, reminding her that this is the best place for you, everyone respects you here, you've made friends and you are a valuable asset to the village…" Gaara trailed off.

"If she says I have to go, I _have_ to, Gaara." Sakura reached out to touch his hand. He moved away angrily.

"You told me you would always be here to help me." Gaara said, sounding almost like a petulant child.

"She's my Hokage." Sakura said simply.

"And I'm your Kazekage!" Gaara raised his voice, jumping up from his chair and walking over to stare out of the window.

"The position as your assistant was only ever going to be for a year at the most, Gaara." Sakura said gently. He flinched, "It's been six months already. It's only six months off what I would have been here –"

"No." Gaara said coolly but with a hint of the destructive force he could wield in a heartbeat, "I was going to request you stay the full maximum limit of five years."

Sakura's eyebrows shot fully up, "F-five years? Why?"

Gaara's eyes widened. He didn't know the answer himself, Sakura realised.

"Because you are a very good medic nin, and assistant," Gaara said, after only a moment's hesitation, "You would be a great loss to this village."

Sakura smiled faintly at the praise. Good cover Gaara, she thought charitably and tried not to dwell on his genuine reasons for wanting her around for longer.

"Tsunade-sama won't let me stay, Gaara." Sakura said, trying to get a feel of Gaara's emotional state. If he was on edge then Temari wouldn't have left Sakura alone with him. She and their other brother were very intuitive when it came to Gaara's emotions.

"I have a plan." Gaara said vaguely. He was still staring out of the window into the bright sunshine.

"What is it?" Sakura probed.

Gaara looked back at her, one corner of his mouth upturned in a mirthless smirk, "Tsunade can't keep me quiet. The deal's sealed. It concerns you. I don't want you getting hurt and if you go back to Konoha you'll be hurt twice over."

"Well that was cryptic." Sakura complained, lying back down in bed, assuming that was all he was going to say.

"Sasuke's been caught." Gaara said.

The air left Sakura's lungs in one big exhale, because she was just so surprised that Gaara would make up something like that. Because it had to be a lie. Sasuke couldn't have been caught.

But she could see the truth in Gaara's guileless eyes, in the serious frown on his face and the concerned step he took towards her.

"It's true. He caught up with Itachi not long after he fought you and managed to kill him. The deal that we've been referring to is that Tsunade has been communicating with one of Sasuke's new companions for months now. She's been feeding the hokage information about Sasuke. He was finally caught in Fire Country. He and his companions were detained by Konoha nin. He was weak from his fight with Itachi. The hokage planned it all. She would wait for Sasuke to fight Itachi and when one killed the other that would mean at least one dead missing-nin. He was weak from fighting him, nearly dead. I believe he lost one eye. They think – _Sakura are you alright_?" Gaara paused and dashed towards the bed.

Sakura threw up bloody bile onto the floor, leaning half off the bed, face screwed up in distaste. Gaara put a hand on her back and awkwardly rubbed it. Sakura coughed and spat.

The shock of it had been too much for her recovering stomach.

"What – what are they going to d-do to him…?" Sakura asked shakily, looking up into Gaara's face, easing her way back on to the bed.

"I think they're going to execute him." Gaara said bluntly.

Sakura felt herself drop heavily back onto the bed.

Gaara looked concerned, "Sakura, what's the matter?"

She hadn't cried in front of him for so long but, God, she was losing Sasuke. He was going to die.

For the second time that day tears trickled down her cheeks and she sobbed, uncaring that she had an audience.

Her eyes stung viciously and her palms were wet with tears. She had a hand planted over each eye, and she rocked back and forth.

She could feel Gaara get closer, warily.

"Sakura?" He asked. She remembered him saying he hated it when she cried and she tried to stop, sniffing hard and hiccupping.

Her breath caught in her throat when she remembered something else, "Oh God, _Naruto_!"

"Oh," Gaara said quietly, "I'd forgotten about Naruto wanting to bring Sasuke back."

"Don't you understand? Naruto won't be annoyed because of some unfulfilled goal; he'll be devastated, heartbroken, because Sasuke will be dead!" Sakura said disbelievingly.

Gaara stared back at her, uncomprehending, "But Sasuke is a missing nin, he abandoned you and betrayed your village. Don't you remember that night when you were crying on the rooftop? You said you hated that he was all you could think about. Why care if he dies?"

Sakura sucked in a breath. He'd hit a nerve, a particularly raw one that Tsunade liked to prod, "Because he's my friend."

"No he isn't." Gaara said blankly. At Sakura's outraged expression he continued, "Friends are supposed to care deeply about one another and enhance the happiness and wellbeing of their loved one. From what you and Naruto have told me about Sasuke, he is not a friend to you."

Did he get that from a book? Sakura wondered.

And was he right? Sakura examined her friendship with Sasuke.

He'd been the most reluctant teammate in the world. He'd really lucked out when he'd got energetic prankster Naruto and boy-crazy weakling Sakura for teammates.

But even back when he'd considered her most annoying, he'd jumped in front of her to protect her from the two ninja who had apparently killed their sensei. That had taken bravery. But, Sakura frowned, remembering, Tazuna had been behind her, too. Perhaps he'd just been protecting their client.

But then, in the Forest of Death. He'd saved her from Orochimaru. And then, when he'd seen her bruised and bloodied from protecting him, he'd bristled in fury and had done horrible things to vent his anger. But she could stop his rampage with a hug and a desperate plea.

Sakura ignored Gaara's wordless question and looked up at the ceiling again, thinking.

There had been very rare moments when Sasuke had shown his human side, given a tiny smile and occasionally even laughed. Oh, how she'd savoured those moments.

She quickly told Gaara all of this.

He looked unimpressed, "I think you and Naruto are foolish when it comes to Sasuke. You cling to memories of happier times, and you ignore the harsher facts of the present. He is a missing nin and he has killed innocent people. How many missing nins do you think had anxious ex-teammates pleading their case? How many deserved them?"

Why did he have to be so blunt? He was like a knife digging into old wounds.

"I don't care what he's done!" Sakura shouted, tears once again in her eyes, "I –"

She couldn't finish the sentence. I love him.

Gaara's eyes were sharp and shrewd, as always, "What?" He asked harshly, "Love him?"

Sakura gritted her teeth and refused to answer. What was wrong with her? She'd always been so vocal about her love for Sasuke. What had changed?

"I don't understand you," Gaara shook his head in abject disgust, "You are usually so intelligent and controlled. How could you get upset about something like this?"

"I loved him once," Sakura said, her voice oddly low and calm, despite the tumultuous emotions raging inside her, "And it would hurt to see him die now."

Gaara stared at her, something unreadable in his eyes, "I've heard love described as a type of pain before." His hand traced his chest, above his heart.

"Love can cause pain," Sakura sighed in agreement. Gaara's eyes darkened and she knew she'd said the wrong thing, "I'm not going to lie, it would have been easier for me to cope with Sasuke leaving if I hadn't loved him. But love can feel… perfect. It makes you feel complete, like you were only half before and now you're whole." She was repeating the girlish words she'd once shared with Ino; because that was the only way she had ever been able to measure love.

"If you are referring to Sasuke as 'completing you,' I can only assume his leaving broke you again. If that is love, who would want it?" Gaara said scathingly.

Sakura closed her eyes, "Silly little girls who've never experienced it before. Lonely people. Anyone who's ever seen anyone in love. Being in love is like a state of being; it fills you up and makes you happy. Yes, it can hurt and yes, it can break you. But it's worth it. The risk is worth it."

When she opened her eyes, Gaara looked almost childlike in his curiosity, "What makes it worth it?"

"The other person," Sakura smiled wryly, "If the person makes you happy and you make them happy, it means you're less likely to get hurt."

Sakura was already calculating how long she'd need to rest before she could leave for Konoha when Gaara spoke up, "How do you know when you're in love?"

It would be adorable, the Kazekage sitting quietly at her bedside asking questions about love if he wasn't asking suspiciously; scowling in confusion and the evidence of her 'love' was the bloody smear of bile on the floor.

"You don't, not always. Sometimes other people point it out. Sometimes you realise it yourself. If you realise you always want to be with someone, that when they're gone you miss them and when they get hurt so do you – that's when it becomes obvious you're in love." Sakura said wistfully.

Gaara had gone pale. "Is that it, is there anything else?" He demanded, looking panicked, "Is that all it takes?"

She was almost amused, "Why, have you felt anything like that?"

His silence told her everything she needed to know.

"Really? Gaara, that's great!" She said delightedly. To her surprise, he looked up with a scowl.

"No it isn't. Love is a weakness that destroys you. Everyone turns their back on you in the end." Gaara's eyes had gone cold.

"That is not true. Do you really believe Temari, Kankuro or I would turn our backs on you?" Sakura asked indignantly.

Gaara froze, "Temari and Kankuro are family. I know about familial bonds now, they feel obligated to stay with me. But you…"

"You think I'd turn my back on you?" Sakura spat, "I'd never do that to you!"

His eyes were like frozen chips of jade, "Why?"

"You're my friend." Sakura said simply, but she got the sense it was not the reply Gaara had been fishing for. His frown deepened and he turned away.

As he went to leave, Sakura remembered their original source of conflict, "Now that I know about Sasuke, I want to go back, Gaara. To Konoha."

His glare pinned her back down onto the bed from where she'd tried to get up, "He will just hurt you again."

"I'm willing to take that risk."

"Because it's worth it? Is he? You said you loved him before. If you don't love him anymore than you can stay here. I'll deal with the Hokage. I'll fix it so you can stay five more years. If you go back there that woman won't let you come home." Gaara said all of this with his eyes burning so fiercely Sakura had to look away.

Why did he have do this? To split her life? Konoha or Suna?

"Gaara," Sakura fought to keep her voice steady, "I can go see Sasuke and come back, I promise. Tsunade would back down if I told her how much I wanted to stay in Suna."

Gaara shook his head, "She wouldn't. And I don't blame her. Since coming here you've been hospitalised for exhaustion, torture and stab wounds… To any sane Kage, it would seem obvious this is not a safe place for you."

Well, she'd thought as much herself.

"You could always come and steal me away if she doesn't let me come back." Sakura said light-heartedly, but Gaara's face immediately became musing, "Gaara, I was joking."

She pulled her hospital gown up slightly and peered down at the partially-healed stab wound in her stomach.

When she looked up, Gaara was standing next to her, eyes clinically sweeping over her exposed stomach, "You haven't healed it all." He said quietly. Sakura was suddenly grateful the covers kept her decent.

"Not yet." Sakura shrugged.

He was silent for a moment, just looking down at her, "You're going to go back, aren't you?"

"Yes." Sakura said in assent, "I have to."

Gaara looked almost sad then, his glare softening into something weaker.

"Make sure you come home right away."

xxxxxxxx

Her skills as a ninja aside, it was fairly obvious that someone was trying to sneak into her room, even by civilian standards.

Sakura abruptly turned over in bed.

Lee, Neji and Tenten all froze.

Her eyes were fuzzy from sleep but her mind was clear enough to recognise them as friends, not threats. She released the kunai Gaara had left for her under her pillow – he always gave the strangest gifts.

"So," Sakura said, rubbing her eyes and yawning, "I guess your orders were to drag me back to Konoha unconscious?"

They fidgeted uncomfortably, "Something like that." Tenten admitted.

Sakura eyed the sun out of the window and fell back down onto her pillow with an exasperated groan, "It is far too early for an ambush."

"Sakura-san… the Hokage thinks it best that you return." Lee said, his big eyes filled with sympathy. Sakura had told him how much she loved living in Suna.

"But she didn't think it best to tell me Sasuke's been caught?" Sakura said sourly.

Neji said slowly, "How do you know about that?"

"Friends in high places." Sakura said vaguely.

She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. A nurse had come in and cleaned up the bile she'd left on the floor, so the room smelt of lemon polish.

She let her hands drift over her injuries, closing her eyes concentration. The cut on her chest was shallow, easily healed. The bruising took mere seconds. Her skin was liberally covered in superficial burns from the sand.

She opened her eyes, fully healed.

"Wow." Tenten said, staring blatantly at Sakura's newly healed skin, "That's impressive."

"Thanks," Sakura got out of the bed, "And there's no need to tie me up, I'll come willingly. I need to see Sasuke. Is Naruto there?"

"If he is, I've not been told." Neji shrugged.

As they all turned to leave, she told them to wait.

Gaara had left her two mementos of her guards. Hiroshi's frightening-looking mask that now had a crack running through the front and Kaede's sword. It was a good sword, well-made, with engravings and a beautifully fragile bone handle.

Kaede didn't have any family to leave the sword to and Hiroshi's widow didn't want his mask.

Sakura thought it appropriate to carry the two of them with her. Kaede would have liked the idea of her weapon going on to protect Sakura in battle even after she had gone and could not wield it for her.

"That is a fine blade," Tenten said, eyes running up and down the weapon appraisingly, "How much did it cost you?"

A friend, Sakura thought. "It was a gift." She said out loud, "I'll get changed now."

Before they left, Sakura strapped the sword to her belt and the mask was firmly tied to her hip.

Gaara was there to see her off, just like last time, even though it was only just morning and he wasn't technically supposed to know she was leaving.

Knowing Gaara could never initiate it, Sakura stepped forward and pulled him into an awkward, one-sided hug. She could see Lee's impressive eyebrows springing upwards in shock, Neji's suspicious frown and Tenten's delighted grin as she hugged Gaara.

"Bye Gaara." Sakura muttered, starting to withdraw from the hug.

Her eyes widened when he pulled her back and his arms encircled her. The sand in his gourd was still as they hugged.

"I'll give you a week," Gaara said, finally drawing back, "before I come to Konoha myself."

Sakura nodded, eyes slightly wet.

Tenten was still grinning like a fool when she turned to leave, Neji looked rather knowing and Lee was still speechless in shock.

Sakura stepped through the gates of Suna and looked back one last time.

Gaara was standing on his own, just staring as they left. He raised a hand in goodbye.

Sakura raised her own hand and disappeared through the gates.

* * *

><p>If anyone's confused, Gaara's plan went like this: Tsunade, horrified that her student had been nearly killed – again – tried to force Gaara to release Sakura from his care. Gaara countered that Sasuke's presence and subsequent execution would upset Sakura even more if she went back to Konoha. Tsunade had already sent Team Gai to retrieve her. Gaara didn't realise that, upon hearing of Sasuke's capture, Sakura would immediately want to go back anyway.<p>

Sakura, the former lovey-dovey lovesick little girl, teaching suspicious former monster Gaara about love was too funny to just think about, I HAD to write it XD

**Quick poll take:** Should Sasuke be executed?

A) Yes, though Sakura will be distraught he deserves it.

B) I'm not sure, he's done some bad things but Naruto and Sakura don't deserve the pain his death would bring.

C) No, he can be redeemed.

D) Other! Let me know what you think!


	12. Reopening scars

Tsunade was walking briskly, heels clicking against the tiled floor as she crossed the main hall in the Konoha's Intelligence Division. Sakura matched her pace with relative ease, having fully healed herself. She was looking fairly fierce. Her hair was just above shoulder length and tied back. Hiroshi's old Anbu mask was tied to her hip – and looked as though it was a trophy she'd won in battle – and Kaede's sword was sheathed in her belt. Her scars were on full display.

"How long's he been here?" Sakura asked. She was a little frightened by the cold, business-like attitude she had displayed since finding out Sasuke had been caught. She had greeted Tsunade with a cool, "Got something to tell me?" Not, "Oh good God, is he dead? He's dead, isn't he?" She had been expecting that she would freak out but she was feeling oddly numb.

"Classified." Tsunade gave her an aside glance as they walked.

"I can just ask him." Sakura pointed out.

"I doubt even he knows." Tsunade shook her head, "We've been working hard on keeping him confused. It isn't working. He keeps attacking every person who walks in."

"You don't have him restrained?"

"Actually, we do. Chains, straps, chakra suppressants… He keeps wriggling out of them."

"Like a snake." Sakura sighed, noting the symbolism.

"Like a snake whose tail has been cut off and one eye gouged out, yeah." Tsunade gave a sardonic grin.

The corridors were getting darker and they were beginning to descend in to the bowels of the building. They were getting closer.

Images of Sasuke kept flitting into her mind, unbidden. Sasuke looking sullen and angry on their first day as a team. Sasuke lying on the bridge, cold as a corpse, her tears staining his still face. Sasuke training viciously hard. Sasuke saving her and Naruto, over and over again. Sasuke passing her a drink. Sasuke stumbling, losing his cool for once. Sasuke's face twisted in jealousy at the sight of Naruto's impressive new jutsu.

Two whispered cryptic words that would haunt her nightmares for the next four years.

Thank you.

"Here we are." Tsunade said, halting at a grey, smudged door. It looked fairly unremarkable considering what it housed.

Sakura stopped walking and leant against the wall to steady herself.

"Don't let him get into your head. We need that information on Orochimaru and Akatsuki. Play up your personal connection as much as you can, but don't get emotionally involved. He is not a victim in this case, Sakura; he does not deserve your sympathy." Tsunade said seriously.

"What are his options?" Sakura asked, breathing in shakily.

"Death. Public death. Torture. Rehabilitation. Re-entering him into society. The Council's finding hard to pick a suitable punishment for him. On the one hand, he betrayed his village and allied himself with another missing-nin. On the other hand, we desperately need his sharingan – what's left of it. I think we should just kill him but I'm probably a little biased." Tsunade shrugged.

Sakura put her hands on her knees and tried to settle her stomach. She felt as though a thousand birds were flying around inside her. The nerves were unbelievable, she was sweating, her mouth was dry and she was so close to throwing up… she just hoped she wouldn't throw up in front of Sasuke.

"What if I can't do it? What if I screw up?" Sakura said wildly.

"Then you try again. Now, go in there, and do your best."

A chuunin opened the cell door, and suddenly, Sakura was inside.

It was a sparse little room. No natural light, just a single bulb swaying above Sakura's head. The light flickered on and off. There was one bed, thin mattress and a single, flat pillow. Missing nin did not deserve luxury, according to Konoha.

"I'm not going to tell you anything." A deep, slightly hoarse and scratched voice said from the corner of the room.

Sakura closed her eyes, mentally steeled herself and then looked.

Sasuke was abnormally thin, wrists bony and bloodied from the manacles and the hollow of his throat cast in shadow. Someone had taped a makeshift bandage to his eye. There was a single scarlet stain spread across it. He wasn't looking at her, his single dark eye fixed on the grubby floor.

She wanted to cry so badly. It was a miracle she hadn't thrown herself at his feet, bawling.

"I wouldn't have expected you to, Sasuke." Sakura said. Her voice, to her shock, was calm, steady. There was even a hint of humour in it.

Sasuke looked up sharply, single eye narrowing in recognition. He peered at her through the dim lighting for one, long moment. Then he scoffed lightly and looked away.

"Sending little girls to interrogate me is a nice change," He said bleakly, raising his neck to show several multiple healed wounds, "Where are the apples? Aren't you going to feed me?"

Sakura laughed, surprising herself yet again, and sat on the edge of his bed.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment. Sasuke obviously wanted to say something to her, his dark eye kept flickering over her.

Eventually Sakura grew tired of waiting for him to speak up. Shock him, Tsunade had advised. Don't let him get to you first.

So she pulled up her sleeve and turned to face him. For a moment he ignored her completely.

Then his eye focused on her arm.

She knew what he saw. Pale skin marred ten times over by playful patterns where kunai had dug into her skin, leaving it raised and scarred. Strips of flesh missing – a present from Gaara in their youth. It was the kind of scar that made strangers grow pale in the street and cross roads to avoid her.

The scars shone eerie white under the dim light of the bulb.

He looked away, "Why are you showing me this?" Sasuke asked quietly.

"You showed me yours," Sakura nodded to his throat, "Seemed only fair."

There were another few minutes of silence where he seemed to wrestle with his pride.

"How?" He said huskily. They must have damaged his vocal cords, Sakura thought, clinical eyes on his throat.

"Akatsuki." She replied, watching his eye widen again.

"What? But why would they?" He seemed truly confused.

Sakura sighed and leaned back. "They wanted me to be their medic. I refused. They had me tortured. The torturer purposefully damaged my arm so I'd never be able to use my right hand again," Sakura flexed her hand before his eye, "As you can see, I healed it after I was rescued. It wasn't a normal type of healing. It involved very complex surgery that I performed on myself. It was a test, you see. They wanted to see if I could heal your brother."

Sasuke's chained leg struck out. She dodged it with ease.

"Don't call him that!" Sasuke snarled.

Sakura stared back at him coolly.

"But you didn't heal him." Sasuke said, eye fixed on her face.

"When you fought him, was his ankle bandaged? Did his eyesight seem poor?" Sakura asked.

"How did you –"

"Well, really, you should be thanking me. I fought Itachi before you did, and injured him. Had I healed his eyes, do you think you could have killed him?"

Sasuke just stared at her. His eyebrows were drawn together in a deep frown.

"You fought Itachi?" He said slowly, with a hint of disbelief.

"Yes. Believe it or not, Sasuke, but I've become a fairly good shinobi." Sakura smiled.

Sasuke smirked suddenly.

In an instant she was on the floor in front of him, two fingers at his throat.

"If I moved my fingers to the right slightly," Sakura murmured, fingers glowing blue and growing white hot. Sasuke was breathing hard, eye wide open in shock, "I would sever your trachea and you would die in seconds."

She let the chakra die out and moved back with a smile, sitting cross-legged on the floor before him, "Lucky for you, I won't."

Sasuke looked away, jaw clenched in fury. "Why are you here, Sakura?" He said finally.

"What were Orochimaru's plans? How did you manage to defeat Itachi? Are your companions trustworthy? Why did you leave?" She had been firing questions Tsunade had already been giving her but the last one slipped out uncontrollably. It was the one question she had wanted to ask for a long time.

Sasuke's trademark smirk was back, "You know why I left. Are you really asking me why I didn't take you with me?"

Sakura swallowed. Yes, that question had played on her mind for years, back when she was alone, Kakashi-sensei rarely bothering to visit, studying hard to become a better shinobi to prove her worth, the last member of Team 7 who never abandoned Konoha.

"I'm glad you didn't." Sakura said honestly.

Sasuke didn't ask why, just raised an eyebrow like he didn't believe her.

"If you had I never would have become who I am today. I'd still be a snivelling, worthless cry-baby little girl playing ninja."

Sasuke was silent.

Eventually Sakura gave in and burst out, "You do know they're going to kill you if you don't cooperate, right?"

"I'm not a fool." Sasuke glared at her.

"You're a fool if you don't cooperate!"

"I've killed him. I don't care what happens to me now."

"Well, I do! Naruto and I, do you know how hard we worked to stop you being declared a missing nin? Do you know how many times I searched through the laws to see if there was anything that could save you? Do you even care about what we went through?"

Sasuke turned to look at her, face impassive, "What happened to you?"

Sakura wanted to laugh and cry at the same moment. What happened to her? So many things…

"I grew up," She said harshly, "Maybe you should do the same."

"Sakura, I have nothing left to live for. No goal, nothing to aim for." Sasuke said brusquely.

"Nothing left to live for?" Sakura breathed, anger boiling inside of her, "How about the three people who still give a damn about you? I thought, when you killed Itachi then you'd come home."

"Well, you thought wrong." Sasuke said flatly.

The anger surged up inside her and for a moment she could not stop it. "Four years. Four years of wasting my time worrying about you, crying over you, hoping to God that somehow you were alright! Four years of being alone! Naruto left just after you did, did you know that? I was alone! Even Kakashi-sensei kept away from me! Nothing left to live for… God, you're selfish! You pushed us away when all we wanted to do was help you –"

"He killed my entire family!" Sasuke suddenly snarled.

"We have _all_ lost family, Sasuke! I understand that you suffered, I know! But you shouldn't have abandoned us when we would have done anything for you! Was your revenge worth betraying us all?" She gestured to him lying on the floor in chains, "Are you happy now?"

"No." Sasuke growled.

"Gaara grew up alone, with his own family trying to kill him! He didn't even know why he existed! He told me once that you two are the same but you aren't. You're nothing like him. He's the Kazekage now, and he's trying to make up for his past but you are _still_ here, refusing to tell us what you know out of some misplaced sense of defiance! We are the _only_ people who want to help you! The families of the people you killed want your head, Sasuke, and we are the only people trying to save you! Why can't you see that?"

Sasuke looked sullen and angry, like a spoilt little boy. He picked at the sore skin of his wrist, making it bleed.

Sakura moved forwards and captured his wrist to stop him, "Stop that," She said, rolling her eyes, "Don't tell anyone I did this. Hide your wrists if anyone comes in." She healed the broken skin, wiping away the blood. As she healed him she became aware of his eye staring at her face. She looked away and let go of his wrist, "All done."

"You don't love me anymore, do you?" Sasuke asked bluntly.

Sakura jolted back in shock, hands raised as though in defence. "What do you mean?" She said defensively.

"You aren't blushing and you haven't called me 'Sasuke-kun.'" Sasuke said perceptively.

Sakura rubbed her arm self-consciously, "I guess I don't. Not anymore. Sorry."

Sasuke gave a mirthless smirk and looked away. "I didn't expect you to. Not after four years."

Sakura's eyes fluttered shut. There was nothing romantic about their situation, Sasuke chained up and bloodied and her near tears and scarred. It was certainly not the way she'd pictured their reunion. She'd hoped there would be more kissing and tears, not just them sitting on the floor staring anywhere but at each other.

"Please tell us what you know." Sakura said quietly. She didn't say the rest but the words hung in the air. _It's the least you owe us._

"Why?" Sasuke said, dark eye flashing in irritation, "Why is it so important?"

"You've done bad things, Sasuke. You won't be welcomed back into Konoha if you don't do something good. Naruto, Kakashi-sensei and I don't want to watch you die. If you do this, I will do everything I can to make sure you are released, and we can be Team 7 again." Sakura said, fighting back tears. She didn't want to show any weakness, not while Sasuke was sitting before her like an angry wounded animal waiting to pounce at the first flinch.

Sasuke tipped his head back to lean it against the wall. Sakura stood up, the blood rushing to her legs so fast she nearly wobbled.

He looked up at her, single eye so bare and vulnerable she longed to look away, "Why do you still want me back?" He asked, confusion, not curiosity in his voice.

Sakura remembered Naruto's promise, his too-wide grin and thumbs up proclaiming he would bring their friend. She remembered his eyes, so blue and hurt peering between the bandages covering his face. All this time she'd been relying on Naruto and forgetting that he was hurt too.

Kakashi-sensei standing alone at the monument for heroes, failure weighing him down, mourning his lost student.

And herself. Thoughts of Sasuke constantly in the back of her mind, robbing her of sleep and endless tears and the one question that stung, burned when she thought it – _why wasn't I enough to stop him?_ How she'd studied late into the night, trying to be the best she could be, spending her days and nights in the library, working hard to avoid people.

"We never stopped being your friends." Sakura said, with a weary smile. Not even when he'd brutally beat Naruto into the ground, not even when he'd come at them all with that sword, when she'd watched – _helpless, again_ – as his lightning struck the new Team 7.

It struck her that, though this Sasuke was older, angrier and more bitter, missing an eye and the will to live, this was still Sasuke, their friend who needed them.

She bent down again, and though it violated every rule in the shinobi book – don't let your guard down, don't ever get too close – she pulled him into an embrace. He was like Gaara at first, stiff and suspicious, but after a while he loosened up. Whilst he didn't exactly hug her back, he didn't push her away either.

And most importantly, he allowed her to take the metal file he had clutched in his hand, sawing away at the manacles.

She crushed the file in a blaze of chakra and smiled at the look on Sasuke's face. He looked almost embarrassed at being caught out, huffy and vaguely irritated. It was such a familiar expression; she'd seen it on his face a thousand times, whenever Kakashi-sensei tried to inform them about the two types of porn, whenever Sakura tried in vain to ask him out on a date and whenever Naruto pulled a prank or challenged him to a fight.

"How can we go back to being Team 7?" Sasuke asked suddenly.

"Well, if you tell us about –"

"No, you live in Suna, don't you?" Sasuke interrupted her.

Sakura's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "How did you know that?"

"You're slightly tanned, you mentioned the Kazekage and I heard about Suna's greatest medic, Haruno-sama a while ago. I didn't realise it was you until today."

She shrugged, "I'm Gaara – the Kazekage's bodyguard. I should be living there for the next five years, but Tsunade-sama wants me to stay here because I've been in danger so many times in Suna. You've saved me a lifetime's worth of hassle, by the way. If you hadn't killed Itachi he would probably still be after me now."

Sasuke's expression had darkened at the mention of his brother but he appeared to shake whatever he was feeling long enough to ask, "Where's the dobe?"

"Naruto is in hiding. Don't ask me where, I don't know. Akatsuki are after him too. If you still care about him in any way… you could help us –"

But she'd pushed him too hard, she could see him emotionally retreating, withdrawing at the mentioning of 'caring.'

So she sat back down, mentally chastising herself. Why was this so hard?

Brushing back her hair with a sigh, her elbow knocked Hiroshi's mask at her hip. It fell to the floor with a clatter and she peered down at it in surprise.

"So you're in the Anbu?" Sasuke said, with the tiniest hint of approval in his voice.

Sakura smiled down at the mask, tying it back to her belt. She let her hand skim over Kaede's sword in its sheath.

"No. I knew a guy in the Anbu, who gave his life to protect me from Akatsuki. I kept his mask to remind me of him." Sakura bit her lip to stave off tears at the thought of kindly, brave Hiroshi and serious, protective Kaede.

Sasuke watched her silently and though he had lost one eye, the effect of his stare was still the same. She very nearly blushed under his scrutiny until she remembered she was a serious, sixteen year old ninja, hardly a weepy blushing twelve year old now.

When had it stopped being allowed to show emotion?

"What is it the old woman wants to know?" Sasuke asked.

Sakura bit her tongue to stop the rebuke coming out about the 'old woman' comment. She assumed he was talking about Tsunade, and if he said that, it meant he was willing to…

Sakura released a wide, genuine grin. Sasuke huffed and looked away, but not before she caught sight of the tiniest of smirks on his face.

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When she left she slid down to the floor and burst into tears.

She could see a watery image of Tsunade's alarmed face peering down at her, felt the older woman's hands on her shoulders and heard her say, "Sakura? What did he say? Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head, mouth screwed up to stop herself wailing out loud. She didn't know what she was crying for – maybe it was just that she'd been suppressing it for too long, maybe her body just needed the emotional release.

Maybe she was crying for her lost teammate, for his tragedy and revenge and wounded pride and uncertain future.

Most of all though, she was crying for her lost love.

Her love for Sasuke had been what had defined her for so long now… Everyday she would wake up and think of him, shower absently, her mind on Sasuke. She would think about him whilst talking to friends, healing patients, eating dinner.

He was the last thing she thought of before bed and the first thing she remembered when she woke up.

It felt as though he'd broken her heart four years ago and taken it with him. Now that he was back, she felt almost fixed and new.

"Sakura? Are you alright?" Tsunade asked urgently.

Sakura wiped her eyes, finally wresting control over herself. "Tsunade-sama. Please, please don't let them kill Sasuke. He doesn't deserve it. I can see that he's sorry."

Tsunade looked grim, mouth a tight line of disapproval, "I'll do my best Sakura. But I don't think he's suitable for you, at all."

Sakura suppressed an amused grin. Tsunade sounded like a stern mother warning her daughter off of an inappropriate suitor. It was fitting though, as Tsunade was like a second mother to Sakura, always had been.

"I'm not in love with Sasuke anymore, Tsunade-sama." Sakura said with a watery smile. And it was true. It felt odd, and left her feeling slightly empty, but it was true.

Tsunade raised her eyebrows, "Oh? When I sent you off to Suna, I was hoping you would get over him. Looks like I was right."

Sakura looked sheepish.

Tsunade patted her on the shoulder maternally. "Suna isn't equipped enough to defend you from Akatsuki. Konoha can protect you, Sakura. I know I'm ending your mission sooner than you expected, but –"

"I want to stay in Suna." Sakura blurted out. Tsunade looked alarmed and opened her mouth to speak. Eager to get her point across, Sakura cut in, "I love it there. I'm due to be promoted to Senior Nurse. The people are all really kind to me, I'm supposed to go to Temari and Shikamaru's wedding, I've got loads of training sessions scheduled, none of the nurses know how to remove poison and I'm supposed to teach them and I really like Gaara –"

"OK, I get it." Tsunade held a hand up to stave off further comment. She pursed her lips, deep in thought. Sakura waited, heart in mouth. "I'll let you stay in Suna for as long as the Kazekage brat wants. The moment he says he wants you out, you come straight back. Five years maximum, alright? And if you could tell him I'd like you back in one piece, thank you."

Sakura looked around to see if anyone was watching and then jumped into the Hokage's arm, most unprofessionally for a chuunin. Tsunade just smiled indulgently and hugged her back gently.

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Tsunade had rather generously allowed her to remain in Konoha on holiday – the medical leave she'd been allowed ever since she was tortured, but never used – for the next three weeks. Sakura had diplomatically written to Gaara, in order to prevent him from rolling into Konoha on wave of sand and kidnapping her. Bless him, she thought, he was quite determined that she stayed in Suna for a bit longer. Perhaps he'd sensed how good Suna was for her.

She dropped in to see her mother and grandmother – both of whom were relieved to see her in one piece and still smiling – and a few other friends. Hinata had been surprised to see her but very warm and welcoming. Neji, Tenten and Lee had trained with her a few times.

Tenten made for a very difficult opponent, her long-range style made it difficult for Sakura to get near her. Neji, of course, read her every move before she made it and countered it. Lee was far too chivalrous to strike a girl, so Sakura had fun beating him.

When she stepped into the Yamanaka Flower Shop again, she hardly expected to be greeted by the sight of Kiba and Ino passionately kissing against the counter.

"Ino!" Sakura yelled, tomato red from embarrassment, looking away.

Kiba withdrew; dark eyes alight with amusement, "Sakura! Good to see you again."

"Likewise." Sakura squeaked, face burning.

"Oh! Sakura, hi!" Ino straightened herself up, mercifully also looking utterly mortified.

"Should I come back another time?" Sakura asked trying not to look at either of them. Kiba was grinning wildly. Ino was flushed.

"No! Come in, we've not seen you in ages!" Kiba waved her over.

Sakura very slowly made her way to them, feeling like a kid all of a sudden. Ino looked very grown up and, well, _married_.

Ino's pretty blue eyes were lit up with reluctant happiness, Kiba's arm was around her waist and she was leaning against him.

"I can't believe you two are getting married!" Sakura said, mostly to break the ice, mostly because it was true. Why was everyone suddenly pairing off?

"Well, our parents arranged it at first, and we hated each other," Kiba paused in his explanation to playfully shove Ino, who shrieked theatrically and clutched him to keep her balance, "But then I noticed how adorable and perfect Ino is and, well, she obviously realised how awesome I am. And we were suddenly fine with getting married."

Ino pretended to pout but the effect was ruined by her gleeful eyes, "I hated him at first, really hated how he smelt of wet dog _all the time_. And I thought his teammates were creepy and his dog freaked me out, but I got used to it and then all of a sudden I liked the smell and Hinata's a total sweetheart and Shino plays with butterflies – totally adorable – and Akamaru is so cute!" Ino babbled, arms wrapping around Kiba as she spoke.

Sakura and the two of them spent the whole day together, laughing at stories of Ino and Kiba's previous enmity for each other, swapping gossip and admiring each others' battle scars.

Sakura was aware her attention was slipping at some points, she was spiralling into thoughts of fear – fear that she would be the last to marry, sitting on her own at her friend's weddings, all because she'd held onto her childhood crush for much longer than necessary and then let it slip far too late.

There had been no time for romance when she was the over-worked Hokage's assistant, rushing around, sorting out paperwork, studying, practicing medical techniques and healing patients.

Oh, she'd had quite a few chuunin admirers, flitting around the Hokage's office, inattentively listening to their mission report because they were too busy staring at Tsunade's assistant. Tsunade herself had found it quite amusing, but Sakura had barely noticed the attention.

How many years had she wasted waiting on a boy who could never love her back?

Ino and Kiba were sickeningly happy and pleased with themselves. It was hard to ignore the sickly jealousy she felt when she looked at them.

It was made worse by their easy assumption that now Sasuke was back, he and Sakura would be together and Sakura would stay in Konoha forever. For Sakura, not even knowing if Sasuke would live or die and definitely knowing she didn't love him anymore, it was very difficult to hear.

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Sakura sat alone in her dusty old bedroom, sitting on her bed, staring down at her Konoha hitae-ate. She stared so hard at it that her vision blurred. She had been born and raised in Konoha. She was a Konoha nin.

So why did she long to go back to Suna?

Her tears dripped onto the headband, smearing the Konoha symbol etched into the metal.

* * *

><p>Looooong chapter! Sasuke is my least favourite character. Does it show? KibaIno is so cute XD<p>

I know a lot of you probably wanted Sakura to beat Sasuke to a bloody pulp and I hope to God she does in the manga, but I didn't think Sakura could be cruel or violent to an old friend, especially not when he was chained up and wounded.

**Quick poll take: **Do you think Naruto doesn't have any strong female characters?

A) Yes, characters like Tenten are flat and boring.

B) Sort of, there are some interesting, strong characters like Tsunade.

C) No, there are loads of skilled, interesting female characters in Naruto.

D) Other! Please elaborate!


	13. Closing scars

There was hardly anyone in Konoha who didn't turn up for Kiba and Ino's wedding. The entire Yamanaka and Inuzuka clans attended, some having travelled hundreds of miles to get there. Ino parents were visibly elated, her mother was smiling broadly throughout the entire ceremony and Inoichi, her father, was tearing up. Kiba's mother still managed to look feral yet beautiful in her kimono and his sister kept ruffling Kiba's hair affectionately.

Ino was wearing a thin, delicate white uchikake with a matching hood. The fabric glittered when it caught the light. Her clear blue eyes stared out confidently at the sea of guests. She and Kiba were sat together at the head table. Kiba was wearing a very formal subdued-looking dark green kimono, teamed with white accessories to match his new bride.

Sakura was wearing her furisode again but this time she wore her hair down. She was under strict instructions not to upstage Ino, so she wore very little makeup. In her opinion, the only way she could upstage Ino was by whipping off her clothes and dancing on the tables.

Ino's hair, though mostly covered by her white hood, was decorated with hundreds of tiny white jewels. Her make up was exquisite, the blue of her eyes enhanced by the dark sweep of eyeliner and her cheeks brightened with blusher.

The wedding party after the ceremony was held on the streets of Konoha. Gold paper lanterns hung over the party, looking like hazy stars decorating the night sky. The streets were filled with wooden tables. They were covered by white tablecloths and rose petals.

Sakura was sat at a table with Neji, Tenten, Lee and Hinata. Neji and Hinata wore patterned silk kimonos in the traditional Hyuuga style. Tenten wore a light purple dress – a more modern choice. Lee had forgone his usual spandex in favour of a simple green and black kimono.

Hinata watched Kiba chat with his new wife with an indulgent smile on her face, "Kiba-kun looks so happy…" Hinata said quietly.

Sakura took a sip of her drink and nodded, "So does Ino."

Though Hinata was smiling, her pale eyes looked very sorrowful. Sakura noticed Neji looking at his cousin suspiciously. His attention was taken when Tenten elbowed him and pointed out how fast Lee could eat.

All around them people in bright kimonos were dancing and chatting, Tsunade wore extremely formal, heavy-looking robes and still managed to dance with Shizune, surrounded by admiring guests laughing at the Hokage's antics.

Sakura put down her glass and tapped Hinata lightly on the hand to get her attention, "Hey, are you OK?"

Hinata looked startled, "Oh? I-I'm fine, Sakura-san."

Sakura chewed slowly, reflecting on reasons why Hinata might be sad at Kiba and Ino's wedding. She briefly entertained the idea that Hinata was in love with her teammate, but dismissed quickly, remembering Hinata's little crush on Naruto. She nearly dropped her plate in realisation.

"Is it because of Naruto?" Sakura asked softly.

Hinata brushed aside her dark curtain of hair, revealing a tiny blush on her cheeks.

"Aha," Sakura said sadly, "Do you miss him?"

Hinata looked down at her plate.

Sakura stood up, carefully avoiding dragging her overly long sleeves in the food on the table.

"Come on," She winked, "Let's go talk alone."

With a slightly puzzled air, Hinata allowed herself to be dragged away from the party.

They ended up standing outside Ichiraku's, where the noise from the party was faintest. The night wasn't as dark as it could have been; Hinata's face was glowing softly underneath the light of an overhead lantern.

"Do you like Naruto?" Sakura asked, head tilted curiously.

"Oh! Sakura-san! Please don't… please don't think that I would ever try to interfere with your relationship with Naruto-kun! I… I will endeavour to keep these selfish feelings to myself, I promise." Hinata said earnestly.

"…What?" Sakura frowned, "I'm not going out with Naruto."

Hinata's eyes widened, "But… but he calls you Sakura-chan, and he told me how pretty he thought you were and… and…" Hinata was getting flushed.

"He calls you Hinata-chan too, doesn't he?" Sakura pointed out, "And I don't think Naruto likes me like that."

"He doesn't?"

Sakura shook her head.

"Oh…" Hinata looked down at her feet, now blushing fiercely, "But, even so… Naruto-kun. He doesn't think of me that way either…"

Sakura's frown deepened. Hinata wouldn't be saying that if she was the recipient of all the endless, "Hinata-chan's so cute! Hinata-chan's so determined!" that Sakura had been forced to endure from Naruto.

"I wouldn't be so sure." Sakura sighed, "Give him a chance. Maybe he'll surprise you."

Hinata smiled suddenly, "Naruto-kun always surprises me."

Sakura laughed, remembering how Hinata was the unintended victim of Naruto's pranks on more than one occasion.

"Were you worried about your wedding day?" Sakura asked shrewdly.

Hinata blushed darkly, "I- I will probably marry within the Hyuuga clan. My father has some candidates already…"

Sakura snorted, "Didn't Naruto promise to change the Hyuuga clan when he becomes Hokage? I bet he'd be able stop you being forced into an arranged marriage."

Hinata shook her head.

"Oh… you want to marry Naruto?" Sakura guessed.

Hinata's blush darkened so much she was in danger of fainting.

Cheering and laughter suddenly erupted; the sounds of a speech being made were faint and distant.

"Have a bit more confidence, Hinata. You're beautiful, smart and determined. You just need to fight for Naruto, and he'll notice you." Sakura grinned.

Hinata's blush lightened to pale pink and she smiled gratefully, "Thank you, Sakura-san."

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"OK, so what's this girl's problem?" Sakura asked Tsunade as they walked to Karin's cell.

Tsunade heaved a sigh, "She was my spy. Apparently she grew angry and bitter after Sasuke refused to give her any attention, so – at great personal risk to herself – she managed to contact me and she began to feed me information of Sasuke's whereabouts. We captured the whole team, including her, and because she was very loyal to Orochimaru when he was alive, we tried to interrogate her about him. She became furious and uncooperative. The information the Uchiha brat gave us indicates she is more dangerous than she appears."

They reached the holding room Karin was in, "She is also a pain in the ass," Tsunade said, an angry vein pulsing in her forehead, "See what you can do with her."

Sakura entered the room, looking around with interest. It was similar to Sasuke's cell, though it was lighter and cleaner, presumably due to Karin's previous helpfulness.

The pretty redhead herself was sitting at a table stuffing her face with a bowl of deep-fried pork cutlets. She looked up as Sakura entered, a little interest sparking in her eyes as she took in Sakura's appearance.

"You're new," She grunted, chewing the pork diligently, "So, what's your method of interrogation? Torture? Bribery?"

Sakura just shrugged and sat down on Karin's bed, "We'll see. So, they're feeding you alright?"

"Yeah, but only after I demanded it for the tenth time!" Karin snorted, "I see. You're trying the concerned approach. How nice."

"No, I'm not concerned." Sakura said honestly. This girl was loyal to Orochimaru. As far as Sakura was concerned, that made her evil by association, "It's funny though… they aren't feeding your teammates nearly as well as you…"

Karin paused, a smirk on her face, "Oh? Is that pig, Suigetsu complaining?"

"Suigetsu? Is he the fish guy?" Sakura pretended to think about it, "Hmm… no, I'm pretty sure he's still unconscious."

"Unconscious?" Karin frowned, "But, he was fine when we were captured."

"Not everyone can withstand torture." Sakura shrugged carelessly.

"He was tortured?" Karin said, her tone light, trying to sound like she didn't care either way.

Sakura suppressed a grin. She'd had a feeling the loud-mouth fish guy would be her weakness.

"Yep. Ibiki-san himself did it. I did go to have a look but," Sakura faked a sheepish expression, "all that blood made me feel queasy."

Karin's eyes narrowed. For all her flirtatious attitude and demands, Sakura had been informed that she appeared to be quite intelligent. "What was it you wanted Suigetsu to tell you?"

"I don't really know," Sakura admitted – though even if she did she would never tell Karin, "It's probably just a routine check to see where his allegiance lies."

"It lies with Sasuke." Karin said flatly.

Sakura made a surprised face, "Oh. Then I guess that means he's loyal to Konoha too now."

Karin's eyebrows flew up, "What do you mean?"

"Has no one told you? Sasuke agreed to tell us everything." Sakura said, carefully watching Karin's expression.

The other girl put down her fork and stared at Sakura, "What?"

"Yeah, we were surprised too. I guess he's changed." Sakura shrugged.

Karin just stared at her.

"Your other teammate, Juugo, is it? He's not really said much, just asked about you and the others. He seems a little weird." Sakura said innocently, to gauge Karin's reaction.

"Yeah, he is." Karin agreed absently. She seemed deep in thought, "So, everyone's talking, huh?"

"Sasuke and that Juugo guy have told us a lot but Suigetsu didn't really get a chance, I guess."

Karin pushed the bowl away. She seemed angry. "Ha! So here I am, refusing to talk out of loyalty, and those idiots are shooting their mouths off!"

Sakura thought it wise not to point out that Karin herself had betrayed the team not long ago.

"That's it! I've decided. I'm going to tell you everything!" Karin declared hotly.

Sakura was startled, "What, really?"

"Yeah! What are you waiting for? Grab a pen and paper; I have a lot to say!"

Sakura exited the room with six sheets of paper detailing Team Hebi's every move and plot. As well as a few nonsensical details like, "Suigetsu is so irritating!"

Sakura grinned and handed the papers to Tsunade, "Am I good or what?"

"Extraordinary," Tsunade agreed, flipping through the paper, "Well done."

"How's that Suigetsu guy, anyway?" Sakura asked.

"Him? Oh, he's just as annoying as that Karin girl, demanding food and regular baths and refusing to tell us anything."

"I think I can get it out of him." Sakura said with a mischievous grin.

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In the two weeks Sakura had been in Konoha, she had visited Sasuke several times. They were still awkward around each other and she wasn't sure if she had even forgiven him yet, but she was just happy they were talking. It felt as though they could be friends again.

When she dropped by to see him again one morning, holding a basket of apples – an inside joke between the two of them – she was surprised to see Kakashi leaving his room.

"Kakashi-sensei!" She exclaimed.

He looked up and raised his hand, "Yo, Sakura. I haven't seen you much lately. I was just talking with Sasuke."

"I've brought him apples." Sakura raised the basket sheepishly.

Kakashi's eye crinkled in a smile, "I was afraid we'd have to dig Sasuke's corpse out from under the pile of rubble I was sure you'd leave on him."

"I've changed, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura informed him with a grin, "I'm mature now."

Kakashi grew serious, "Are you sure you're alright with Sasuke now?"

Sakura looked away, thinking. Was she alright? Sure, she and Sasuke could at least be in the same room now without her bursting into tears or punching him, but had any real progress been made? She could still feel the ache of his betrayal. It still hurt to think of what he'd done to them.

But, had she been able to forgive him so quickly it would have seemed strange. He hadn't just insulted her or hurt her feelings. What he'd done had been serious. Perhaps she could forgive him over time. For now she should be content with being able to be civil to him.

"I'm fine, Kakashi-sensei." She said sincerely, but he still looked unconvinced.

"Are you sure?" He asked softly.

"I am, Kakashi-sensei. Don't worry."

"Because you hide your feelings too much. It's not healthy" Kakashi said perceptively.

Sakura scoffed lightly. "I'm _fine_, sensei, honestly!"

"Good, because I have a little surprise for you." Kakashi said cheerfully. He pulled her into a room – ignoring her protests that she really had to give Sasuke his apples – and shut the door behind them, "Ta da!"

Sakura blinked, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting.

An Anbu member was standing in the middle of the room, fox-mask hiding his face.

Fox…

Sakura removed the mask.

Naruto's tanned, grinning face was revealed, "Sakura-chan!" He yelled and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Naruto!" She cried, feeling tears welling up already, "You pig, where have you been?"

"He's been in hiding." Kakashi reminded her, sounding as though he was smiling.

"Yeah, yeah, Sakura-chan!" Naruto babbled eagerly, "I've been in hiding in the mountains with ero-sennin and we heard about you being caught by Akatsuki and tortured and I nearly went full Kyuubi but Yamato smacked me and my chakra went weird and I haven't seen you in ages! And Sasuke-bastard's back and he's telling us everything and I saw Hinata-chan –!"

Sakura hit him very gently on the head, "Naruto, slow down!" She said, squeezing him tighter.

Seeing Naruto again made her feel like she was twelve years old again. She felt light and happy.

They hugged, Sakura spilling tears down Naruto's back. She could practically feel Naruto's grin.

"Sakura-chan missed me!" Naruto said obnoxiously.

Sakura forgave him though, since he had every right to be gleeful that she was so happy to see him again, "I'm not the only one who missed you!" Sakura pulled back to look at Naruto's face, "Hinata and Kakashi-sensei missed you too."

Naruto looked around Sakura to stare at their teacher, "Hey, hey, really? Kakashi-sensei missed me?"

"Hmm." Kakashi replied casually, pulling his book out to read.

"Oi! Kakash –"

"Naruto!" Sakura interrupted impatiently, "Didn't you hear me? _Hinata_ missed you too!"

Naruto's grin widened as Sakura's words sunk in, "Really?"

"Uh-huh! Maybe you should go see her…?" Sakura said, widening her eyes meaningfully.

"No," Kakashi said bluntly, "I will not have rumours spreading that I dragged the underage Hyuuga heiress into a dark room."

"Please, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto implored. He and Sakura turned puppy-dog eyes on their sensei pleadingly.

Kakashi sighed in defeat, "Fine. But I'll get Gai to do it; I'll call it a challenge, or something." He mumbled.

He disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Why can't you go see Hinata yourself instead of having someone drag her here?" Sakura asked, puzzled.

Naruto raised a finger to his lips mysteriously and then gestured to the room, "This is where I'm staying. I can't leave unless I'm under a strong henge jutsu and even then I have to have permission from obaa-chan."

"Call her Hokage-sama, Naruto," Sakura said, aggrieved, "So, Akatsuki still after you?"

"Yep. Are they still after _you_?" Naruto replied, looking serious for once.

Sakura gave a shrug, "I've not been attacked for ages. Not since Sasuke killed Itachi. I think they might have given up on me."

Naruto looked at her oddly, "Sasuke?"

"What about him?"

"No, you didn't call him 'Sasuke-kun.'"

Sakura felt as though she'd been caught out, strangely enough. "Ha, that's right… I guess I'm just… I just don't do that anymore."

Naruto looked even more confused. "Why?"

"I don't know," Sakura scowled, "Maybe I got sick of it. I don't know."

"Sakura-chan…" Naruto said, looking forlorn, "Has Sasuke upset you?"

"No," Sakura sighed, "Don't worry. Sasuke and I are friends again."

"But… you want more?" Naruto guessed.

"No! Not at all," Sakura hurried to explain, "I'm not in love with Sasuke anymore."

Naruto looked stunned, "Huh?"

Sakura just gave a noncommittal hand wave, "I got over it."

She turned to leave but was stopped by Naruto's hand circling around her wrist.

His sapphire eyes oddly serious for once, he opened his mouth to say…

"Hey, hey, Sakura-chan, are you gonna eat those apples?"

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Ino was sitting on Sakura's couch, staring at the wedding ring on her finger with a look of stunned disbelief.

"Ino?" Sakura said hesitantly, "You've been staring at your ring for a whole minute now."

"Hm? What? Oh. Yeah." Ino said distractedly.

"Ino? You _are_ OK about being married, right?" Sakura asked.

"Oh yeah, definitely!" Ino said with a firm nod, "It's just… _really_ weird! I was walking down the street today and I caught myself thinking about cooking Kiba a nice meal when I got home. I kind of freaked out and ran over here. It's cause – my mum, you know, well, actually you probably don't – she was supposed to be a ninja too. But then she met Dad and she gave it all up." Ino suddenly looked upset.

Sakura opened her mouth to speak but Ino just shook her head, "I don't want that for me. I don't want to give up being a ninja, it's my whole life and I worked hard for it! If being married to Kiba means he wants me to stay at home than I –"

"Ino," Sakura interrupted, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on, "Have you talked to Kiba about this?"

Ino shook her head again.

"So, you don't actually know that Kiba would want you to give up being a ninja. Ino, think about it. Tsunade-sama is Hokage. Anko-san is the scariest instructor, ever. Temari's marrying Shikamaru and I bet you she'll still be doing missions when she's nine months pregnant! No one expects you to give it up! Least of all Kiba! God Ino, he's terrified of pissing you off, do you really think he'd try to force you to do something you don't want to?"

Ino started to look a little comforted, "Well, no…"

"So don't worry about it! Hey, I'm the Kazekage's bodyguard and if I tried to hand in my notice because my husband wanted me to cook for him Gaara would think I was crazy!" Sakura laughed. Then felt somewhat downhearted. Of course, in order for that to happen, she would require a husband in this scenario. Which she was not even close to having.

She glared at the extremely married Ino, who was looking increasingly more pleased with herself, "Hey, you're right!" Ino said cheerfully.

"I know, I know." Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Why do you keep talking like you're going to live in Suna forever?" Ino asked, now examining her wedding ring with a beam of delight.

"Hm?" Sakura looked up and froze. She'd forgotten to let Ino know… "Uh, yeah. Turns out I'm staying for another five years."

Ino's eyes – which had previously been glued to her wedding ring – slowly moved up to gaze at Sakura.

"Now that can't be right," She said, in the breathy girlish voice she used when she was really, _really_ pissed off, "Because you would have told me sooner. In fact, you would have asked me if I minded! Ha, ha, ha." She laughed somewhat creepily.

"Ha, ha…" Sakura began to join in with her own, stilted, unsure laughter until Ino's glare quietened her.

"Five years?" Ino nearly shrieked.

"_I'll visit all the time I swear please don't be mad at me_!" Sakura cried out in one breath

"Five years?" Ino retorted.

Sakura flapped her hands in anxiety, "I'll visit! All the time!"

"Sakura…" Ino looked genuinely upset.

Sakura sat down next to Ino and put her arm around her, "I'm sorry, Ino-pig. I kind of like it there."

Ino puffed, irritated, "You are my best friend, Forehead-girl. What am I supposed to do, talk to the wall for five years till you come back?"

"You've got Kiba." Sakura reminded her.

"A husband's not a good replacement for a best friend," Ino dismissed, "I can't talk to Kiba about girl stuff. He always puts his hands over his ears and runs off shouting 'La la la!' if I try to bring up menstrual cramps."

"We can write letters all the time." Sakura said.

"Yeah, and that worked for the _six months_ you were gone. I sent you flowers when you got hurt, I couldn't hug you or even see you. Long-distance friendships suck."

"Ino-pig," Sakura said seriously, "I really like my life in Suna. I get paid way too much."

Ino gave a smirk at that, "Yeah, you go off with your _exciting_ job working for the _Kazekage_, and I stay here, working for my _parents_…"

"Married to a hot guy." Sakura supplied.

"You think Kiba's hot?" Ino said, trying to sound outraged but her agreeing smirk told a different story.

"Yep. Anyway, Ino. Suna's… kind of far away, yeah. But we can still see each other a lot and write letters and send gifts." Sakura smiled beseechingly.

Ino frowned for a moment before conceding, "Fine. But you better get me a lot of gifts to make up for it. Plus, in your absence, Hinata is my _new_ best friend."

Sakura rolled her eyes, "Then Gaara's mine."

The two girls laughed and spent the rest of the day talking girl-talk so Ino wouldn't have to inflict serious mental damage upon her husband just to air her irritation over her period.

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When Sakura has to leave Konoha at the end of the allotted third weeks, she walks along the dusty path to the gates, thinking about choices.

At the moment, her life was being presented to her in two choices. Konoha: her birthplace, the village she grew up in, filled to the brim with people she loves and cares about, or Suna: the village that healed her broken heart, the place that made her stronger, containing a few of the bestest friends she'd ever have.

Sasuke's certainty that Team 7 is dead hurts and makes her want to prove him wrong, but then she remembers she doesn't have to seek his approval or even prove him wrong now – Team 7 was good and she'll always have fond memories of it, but it was irreversibly broken and if she tried to start it up again she'd be the only member of the group left again.

It doesn't seem fair that she should feel so torn – people move to other villages all the time. But Ino's hurt eyes and Kakashi's palpable loneliness stick in her mind. Is it right for her to abandon them all?

But then she realises that Gaara needs her more than the others. Like it or not, Kakashi has Gai and the rest of the jounin, Naruto and Iruka and countless other people in his life. Ino's a new bride and she's happier than ever. Whilst they wish she would stay, they don't _need_ her to.

Sakura passed a few shops and stalls absent-mindedly, drawing closer to the exit with her every distracted thought. But Gaara _needs_ her. He isn't hugely dependent on her – he'd never monopolise her time selfishly, but, remembering their conversation about love, he needed her. Besides his siblings and a half adoring, half despising village, he had no one.

She was his best friend, the only underling around him that didn't refer to him as 'Kazekage-sama,' didn't flinch when he lost control, and he was so lonely that it would hurt him deeply if she left and never came back.

She only hoped that she could find a way to persuade Gaara that her leaving wasn't so bad. She did have five years to do it.

Though she'd never discussed it with Gaara himself, she felt as though she knew him. Understood him. He was tetchy and impatient yet stoic and controlled. He could lose his temper in a second for the slightest reason, but he would never willingly hurt anyone anymore.

They were both similar in odd ways. They both despised the person they used to be and strived to be better. Gaara used to be a murderous monster, living on to kill, killing only to exist. Sakura used to be a useless, defenceless hindrance who got in everyone's way and had to be protected 24/7.

Gaara was now the leader of an entire village and was obviously determined to protect it and be the best Kazekage he could be. Sakura was now a legend in her own right, a medic who'd invented an invaluable surgical technique, and was determined not to stay in her teammates' shadows anymore.

Sakura came to a stop outside the gate and turned around to gaze at her old life. Konoha looked the same as it always did. The cherry blossoms had long since melted away into green leaves, the village's namesake.

A breeze tore off a few leaves and flew them around Sakura. She caught one nimbly and examined it. Leaf or Sand? Konoha or Suna?

With a smile, she let go of the leaf and allowed it to fly away. Who said she could only have one?

She was loyal to two villages, close friends with two Kages and wanted nothing more than to live in both places.

She wasn't going to dwell on desolate thoughts of being torn between two villages. They were only a few days hard walk away at the end of the day – she could always leave one and return to the other whenever she liked.

Tsunade had been sad to see her go but she'd hidden it well. Kakashi had rolled his eye and shooed her off, book in front of his face, but he returned the impulsive hug she gave him. Naruto, in his lonely dark room, had been surprisingly cheerful when she'd said goodbye. He'd confided in her that Hinata had visited a lot lately – after she got over her surprise at being kidnapped by a large man in green spandex and shoved into a darkened room, only to be faced with her crush.

Sakura had gone to see Sasuke for one last time.

She'd knocked on the door as she opened it – a habit she'd developed solely because she knew it annoyed him – and had told Sasuke she was leaving.

The old her would have hoped that Sasuke would be sad to see her go, but now she didn't mind when Sasuke only shrugged and said he was growing tired of apples anyway.

The most surprising person to vehemently appose her leaving was Karin, the bespectacled girl had grown fond of Sakura during their interrogation/gossip sessions. Perhaps it was the mutual past love of a certain Uchiha that had bonded them.

"Write to me every day." Karin had insisted.

"Maybe once a month…" Sakura tried to negotiate. She already had to write to too many people, her hand sometimes felt like it had rotted off after one too many letters.

"Twice a week." Karin had said obstinately.

"Once a month will do…" Sakura had gently refused.

Her mother had apparently had time to grow used to the idea of Sakura living far away from home because, to Sakura's shock, Gaara had written to her. He'd told her how important Sakura's work was, how invaluable she was to the village, etc, etc. It had worked, her mother was tearfully proud when she waved her off.

Her grandmother had just raised an eyebrow, complaining about how Kages got younger and younger these days.

Sakura finally turned back and left Konoha with a confident smile.

* * *

><p>Is this a late update? I can't even tell these days… :S The idea of Sakura and Karin bonding pleased me – there are too many fics where they want to kill each other. Ino and Kiba got married! Yes, they are only sixteen, but I figured Naruto is set in a somewhat old-fashioned world, who says marrying young was unheard of? Especially with ninjas, they could die any day, it makes sense they'd get married early.<p>

Urgh… I love writing this story but an irritating plot bunny assaulted me today… I want to write a GaaSaku high school AU so badly… It's hard ignoring plot bunnies! Would anyone actually read it? Urgh…

Yeah, I made Karin like Suigetsu. Gotta be done. For me, anyway.

Incidentally, I've written the new GaaSaku high school fic! XD Just look on my profile to find it.

**Quick poll take:** Who was/is the best Kage in the Naruto world?

A) The Godaime Kazekage (Gaara)

B) The Yondaime Hokage (Minato)

C) The Godaime Hokage (Tsunade)

D) The Godaime Mizukage (Mei)

E) Other!


	14. Waking scars

By the time Sakura reached Suna, her feet ached and she was covered in sweat. She immediately headed to her room for a shower.

The water was icy cold and refreshing against her flushed and sunburnt skin. She folded up her dirty clothes she'd used to travel in.

The bed looked soft and inviting, and she gladly fell back into sleep, weary from the long journey.

She was woken up later by a loud knock on the door. She rubbed her eyes, yawned and examined the window. It was morning, judging by the sun, before noon.

Another loud knock roused her from her sleep-induced daze and she leapt off the bed to answer the door.

A chuunin of around twenty handed her a piece of paper, "Morning, Haruno-sama. Congratulations."

Sakura, aware of the face that she was still in her pyjamas and her hair was sticking up, didn't pause to exchange pleasantries, just nodded and closed the door, still yawning widely.

It was a letter from Suna's council, with the signature of all of the officials on the front. There was even a formal stamp of Suna's insignia.

Feeling mildly curious, she turned the page over and began to read.

'_Haruno Sakura_,

_Due to your exemplary work at Suna's hospital and your outstanding personal achievement and reputation, we as a group feel it appropriate to gift you the title of 'Sakura no Chiyu.' As an esteemed medic of both the Kazekage and Hokage, please consider this a small token of Suna's admiration and gratitude for your work for Suna's people._

_Following the recent retirement of Tanaka Mei, the previous Senior Nurse of Suna Hospital, your name has repeatedly come up in the discussion for her successor. Following the report that you are to be staying for an extended period of time, the Council have put forth to the Kazekage our support in your favour._

_The Godaime Kazekage has since accepted and you will receive your first wage slip as Senior Nurse following your next shift._

_Congratulations,_

_The Sunagakure Council_.'

Sakura did not know how long she stood there, clutching the piece of paper. She was astounded by the news. She had never considered the possibility that her nerve surgery technique would attain her an official _title_! She could sign her name 'Sakura no Chiyu,' whenever she did paperwork!

Sakura caught sight of her reflection. Her eyes were massively wide with shock, her mouth a huge, toothy grin. She nearly squealed in excitement and happiness.

She smoothed the paper out reverently. The official signatures of every council member were emblazoned at the bottom and the front of the letter. The Kazekage had added his own signature next to her name at the top.

She was Senior Nurse. At sixteen years old! She, a mere teenager, was going to take the job usually filled by experienced, middle-aged medical professionals!

The hospital was hers. Hers to watch over, hers to take command of. She could walk the halls of the building, knowing every patient's name and ailment. _She could finally sleep in the hospital_! Gaara wouldn't be able to prevent her from working as much as possible!

Unable to keep the fantastic news to herself, she ran out of her room, still clutching her letter proudly.

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She was Sakura no Chiyu, she thought, racing down the hall to see Gaara and thank him. Wait till Sasuke heard that! It had taken four lonely years of hard work and sadness, but she was finally gaining the recognition for it now.

Wait till Tsunade heard! She was going to be so proud! Oh God, her mother would die of happiness. Her grandmother might even be impressed, and that took a lot. Withstanding torture and healing the impossible had earned her a begrudging, "Well done, I suppose."

Getting an official title from Suna's Council would earn her at least a pat on the back.

Sakura's grin widened as she ran as she was gaining stares from everyone around her. Even the scary-looking jounin looked approving as she shot past them.

She skidded around a corner and reached the Kazekage's office.

She knocked on the door. It was opened by Temari, who looked very surprised to see her.

"Sakura?" She said, confused.

Shaking with exhilaration and adrenaline, Sakura passed Temari the letter.

Temari scanned it quickly. As she read, a smile appeared on her face and widened with every sentence, "Sakura no Chiyu? Amazing! And Senior Nurse at such a young age? I never thought anyone under thirty could get that job and you're almost half of that!"

Temari gave her a quick, congratulatory hug and pushed her into the office, closing the door behind them.

Kankuro was sitting in Gaara's chair, fiddling with the Kazekage hat. After a bit of thought he promptly put it on his head. Sakura got the fleeting impression she was looking at the Yondaime Kazekage, Kankuro's own father. They looked extremely alike.

Temari evidently thought so too, as she snatched it off his head and hit him on the head.

"Ow, what did I do?" Kankuro protested, rubbing his head.

"Stop acting like an idiot. Sakura has some good news." Temari said sternly.

"Oh yeah?" Kankuro looked at her appraisingly, "If it's about that Uchiha kid, we already know. Gaara was pretty pissed off about that."

Sakura couldn't stop beaming, "The Council made me Senior Nurse of the hospital and gave me the title, 'Sakura no Chiyu!'" She said, her voice filled with delight

"Nice one." Kankuro winked.

"Is that it?" Temari glared at her brother.

"Oh, right. Well done! Wow, you must be so pleased!" Kankuro said, grinning.

Sakura raised her eyebrows and returned his grin, "Yes, but _you_ don't seem very pleased about it."

Kankuro just looked at her.

"Is something wrong, Kankuro?" Temari asked, frowning.

"It's nothing," Kankuro shrugged, turning away from them both.

"Kankuro…" Temari sighed.

"I just… don't know if Sakura staying in Suna for five years is a good thing." He said, still stubbornly not looking at either of them.

"What? Why not?" Sakura stared at him incredulously, "What have I done?"

"Gaara is pretty fragile at the moment. When you left he… told me some stuff. Like, you told him love hurts –"

"Sometimes!" Sakura interjected angrily, "I said sometimes! I wasn't going to lie to him! He told me he is in love and if he ever gets hurt from it don't you think it's better if he at least knows it might happen?"

"No," Kankuro replied simply, "He wouldn't be able to take it."

"You don't know that." Temari scowled at her brother.

"All I know is when he realised 'family' was supposed to be important he freaked out and avoided us for months."

"He got over it!"

"Yes but Gaara's always been _weird_ about love, he thinks it's weak. I don't want him falling in love and getting fucking crushed by it, OK?" Kankuro snapped, turning to round on his sister angrily, "Better he stays in the dark about stuff that'll upset him."

"But it's too late for that; he told me he's in love." Sakura repeated.

"The Gaara I know never mentioned the word and flinched if anyone else did. Now you're telling me he told you specifically _he_ is in love?"

Even Temari looked slightly dubious.

"I described how it feels when you're in love and he panicked. I asked him if he'd felt it and he nodded."

"Did you ever stop to think of who he could possibly be in love with?" Kankuro said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I know it sounds stupid but Gaara seemed sincere. I couldn't believe it at first, but I think it'll be good for him." Sakura said stubbornly.

Temari snorted, "I don't think that's what he meant, Sakura."

"Look, Sakura. It's great that you got promoted and you got a title, really. But I don't think Gaara should be getting close to people who are going to leave him eventually. He doesn't take abandonment well, you remember what he was like when Temari wanted to get married and might have had to move?" Kankuro said reasonably.

"I'm going to leave in five years. Gaara will probably be fine with it by then!"

"You don't know Gaara. Not really. You've never seen him at his worst."

Oh, that was _it._

Sakura pulled her sleeve up, revealing her scars, "Oh, I think I have," Sakura said fiercely, "I'm not a stranger, I'm Gaara's friend. I've fought him twice and I've calmed him down when he was freaking out. Stop treating me like the enemy!"

"I'm not," Kankuro sighed, "You've seen Gaara 'freaking out,' right? Well, you've never seen him truly angry. I've seen him knock down walls, tear up rooms. I've seen him kill people for looking at him twice. You're right, he's gotten a lot better, but he's still got a long way to go. He's my brother, and I do care about him but I know him a lot better than you do. He isn't the perfect Kazekage like you think he is. There used to be a monster lurking underneath the surface and its shadow still haunts him. If you ever hurt him, you don't know what he'd do."

"I'll take my chances," Sakura said, temper flaring, "I'm not going to shy away from him and avoid him because _I'm his friend_. I would never hurt him."

"You could hurt him in so many different ways without ever wanting to." Temari said sadly.

Sakura snatched her letter back from Temari, "You can't keep Gaara from living. You can't force him to stay in his office all day and avoid people just in case one of them says something wrong and he ends up hurt. I know you just want to protect him, but maybe he's stronger than you give him credit for. Give him a chance."

Sakura stormed out of the office, leaving the two Sand siblings staring after her.

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Urgh, how frustrating! It was so difficult, wanting to be friends with someone who was so fragile you could break them without even trying. It was unutterably unfair.

But what kind of friendship was it that they had? She used to be terrified of him. He had scarred her permanently. He was the reason she suffered from nightmares for years, the reason why she feared the night and dreamed of blood-soaked sand. He had tried to kill her and would have succeeded had Kakashi not intervened. How could you be friends with someone like that?

But… ever since she got to know him, ever since the day he spent his day off eating umeboshi and sitting under the desert willows with her, she'd thought he was a good person. They had so many issues, guilt, fear, split loyalties. But then they'd become friends. Gaara was a steady presence in her life, someone she could go to with her problems and know he wouldn't laugh at her. How could she give that up?

Kankuro was right. If she stayed for five years, growing closer and closer to Gaara, he wouldn't want her to leave. So many people had already let him down in life. She was, inevitably, going to have to do the same. Gaara had already proved he didn't want her to leave. _From now on you are not to leave the village_. That was what he had said.

Sakura wondered what it was like for Kankuro and Temari. They could never really leave Gaara, not even if they got married to a foreign ninja, as Temari had proved. But it was different for them. They were his family. They were supposed to stand by their little brother.

Well, I'm his bodyguard, Sakura told herself. I'll just have to stand by him too. And she would have five years to help him get used to the idea that one day, she would leave.

It should not be this hard, Sakura was dimly aware. You shouldn't have to tread carefully around your friends. You shouldn't plot how to inform them you would leave in several years time. Well, she knew what she'd signed up for. She could have left the day she found him destroying his office. She could have left after she was tortured and stabbed. But she hadn't. She'd stayed.

And what's more, she'd _wanted_ to stay.

Gaara was a mess but then, so was she. A lot of people would consider her damaged goods. Scarred. Gaara saw past the scars. And she saw past his flaws. They were best friends and Sakura was not going to hurt him now to avoid hurting him more later on.

Sakura was standing in the hallway of the Kazekage Compound, absently staring out of the window. She watched the sun set as she thought. Her finger traced patterns in the smudges of sand on the window that had blown in with the wind.

She hadn't seen Gaara in weeks. She knew he'd be pleased about her news, and she still had to thank him for the promotion.

It was time to go see the Kazekage, forget his overprotective siblings.

xxxxxxxx

When Sakura got to Gaara's private quarters, she knocked briskly on the door.

There was no response. Sakura heard a scraping sound from within the room.

She tried to open the door but it was locked. She called out a few times with no reply. Finally, seriously worried, she broke the hinges on the door and let it fall through into the room. It was dark; the only light was a square of moonlight coming from the window.

Gaara was lying on his bed, wearing plain pyjamas. From the little Sakura could see, his eyes were open.

"Gaara?" She called out cautiously, stepping into the room.

The scraping sound increased. Sakura felt the hairs on the back of her neck begin to rise. She recognised that sound now. It was the sand trying to escape the gourd. Her eyes flickered around the room, searching for the gourd. It was propped up beside the bed. The cork was still in place.

Fighting every shinobi instinct that was screaming _getoutgetoutgetout_, Sakura walked over to the bed, feeling the floaty white material of her dress sliding around her legs, a comforting cool feeling against her hot skin.

She bent over the bed. Gaara's eyes were open almost impossibly wide, his pupils were tiny. Her eyes adjusting to the dark, Sakura noticed the tremors running through Gaara's limbs as he stared up at the ceiling.

Was he… asleep? Was he having a nightmare?

Sakura wasn't stupid enough to get any closer to a possibly sleeping shinobi. As a shinobi, your senses and awareness level were heightened beyond average. Many shinobi had accidently slaughtered unsuspecting relatives in their sleep.

She drew back slightly. "Gaara?"

His eyes snapped towards her and all hell broke loose.

The sand erupted from the gourd like a fountain and shot towards Sakura. Though she was almost paralysed by fear – the memories of her first brush with Gaara's sand still fresh in her mind and engraved in her arm – Sakura managed to flip out of the way, landing on the wall, attaching herself to it with chakra.

"Gaara! Stop it!" Sakura shouted, pushing herself off of the wall and trying to run to the exit. Though she would dearly love to stay and help Gaara through this, she didn't feel like death today.

Something heavy collided with her and she fell to the floor. Gaara's face now hovered above her own. It struck her that, in completely different circumstances, this could be construed as romantic. However, Gaara's face was _wild_, his eyes were shining with tears and he had a bestial snarl.

"Stop! Stop! Gaara, what's happened, why are you so…" Sakura tried and failed to find an adjective that could adequately describe the feral quality of Gaara's chakra, which was emanating in furious waves. It wouldn't take long for the guards or even Gaara's siblings to feel it and come looking.

"You." Gaara snarled almost incoherently, "It's your fault."

"Why?" Sakura stared up at his face, fully aware that she could kick him off any time she wished. She just didn't want to hurt Gaara when he wasn't in control of his actions. It wouldn't be fair.

And wounded animals were capable of anything.

"You. And _Sasuke_, you, you love Sasuke so you stopped him being executed… I was trying to sleep but… could feel… horrible… it hurts," Gaara suddenly sobbed, "It hurts."

Sakura realised the sand was quietly slithering around her.

"Why do you never cover up your scars?" Gaara said suddenly, his voice still carrying a dangerous edge to it but he was at least coherent now.

Sakura struggled with herself. She wanted nothing more than to throw Gaara off her and get away from the sand. Tears pricked at her eyes as icy fear swept over at the sensation of sand slithering up to her face.

"Why would I?" Sakura asked, trying to keep calm.

"Because it makes me feel so guilty!" Gaara suddenly roared, "Because every time I see what I did to you it makes me realise what a monster I am!"

The sand suddenly solidified around her and Sakura realised playing nice might kill her. Better Gaara get a bit roughed up by her hand than she die by his. She knew exactly how he'd take accidently killing her.

Not well.

So Sakura aimed well and kicked Gaara in the chest, sending him flying. He landed safely on the bed, as she'd hoped. The sand cracked and broke off her skin, leaving minor friction burns behind.

She stood up.

Gaara's eyes had widened even more in shock. He struggled to get up.

Sakura placed one glowing blue hand on his chest and pushed him down into the mattress.

He looked beyond furious. Homicidal was a more apt description. His teeth were bared, glinting in the moonlight. His muscles tensed and bulged in his neck as he tried to rise, her super strength stopping him. His legs kicked out until she secured them with her other hand.

"Gaara. You need to calm down. First, I do not love Sasuke. I did once, but I don't anymore. I stopped him being executed because he is my friend. I would do the same for you." Sakura said slowly and succinctly.

Gaara stopped moving all of a sudden, chest heaving. His mouth was twisted up into a chilling smirk, his eyes fixed on her own.

"_Friend_," He snorted, "I don't want to be your _friend_."

His hand shot up suddenly and grabbed her hair. Taken by complete surprise, she yelped and fell forward, nose inches from Gaara's chest.

Sakura tried to remove the clenched fist from her hair but his grip tightened further, her scalp screaming in protest.

Gaara's eyes were on her mouth.

Sakura jerked backwards, grabbing his arm and squeezing. It had no effect, though she was certain he would bruise horribly tomorrow. Gaara was past feeling pain now. This was bad.

I am not a helpless little girl anymore, Sakura thought, remembering herself as a terrified twelve year old girl.

She had not been ready for the Chuunin Exams. In hindsight she wondered why Kakashi had let her. Perhaps he thought she'd be carried through by Sasuke and Naruto. If that was the case then Kakashi was a truly awful teacher. How did he ever expect her to learn when all she did was cower behind him during missions? He should have known she would one day be on her own.

In the Forest of Death, sheer terror sweeping through her, standing guard over her unconscious teammates. For the first time, truly alone. Defenceless. Petrified.

The feeling of Kin's hand cruelly pulling at her hair, the older girl's words lashing out, stinging like physical blows.

Coughing up blood when Zaku punched her over and over again.

Watching Sasuke break a clearly outmatched opponent's arms for fun.

Twelve years old, and terrified beyond belief.

_She wasn't twelve anymore_.

"Get the fuck off of me." She spat, knocking Gaara's hand aside.

She froze, sand slithering up her legs. Her knees began to shake in terror as the feeling that haunted her every nightmare swept over her body. She was paralysed in fear, standing over Gaara's bed, sand creeping up her spine.

"No." She said faintly.

No.

"Gaara, you don't want to do this." Sakura said urgently.

Gaara's eyes were shadowed, "You don't know a thing about me."

"Yes I do. We are friends. I know how lonely you used to be. I know you can't sleep anymore. I know you're in love –"

"Who am I in love with?" Gaara said mockingly, his voice laced with spite, "Go on then. If we're so close, who am I in love with?"

"You – you never said." Sakura stammered. The sand reached her neck.

"_Love is a weakness_," He hissed suddenly, eyes alight with malice, "I don't love anyone. People you love betray you."

"That is not true, Gaara –"

"Sasuke." Gaara said. Just one word, and he'd won.

"One person. And he returned."

"He got captured! He didn't return out of love for you. Don't try to delude yourself. He doesn't love you."

"I know," Sakura's words were oddly calm, despite the icy fear in her bones and the sand spreading down her arms, "But not everyone you love will betray you."

"Do you know what my uncle's last words were?" Gaara said conversationally, "_This is it. Please die. _I can't remember how old I was, five or six? My uncle raised me. He taught me about love and pain. And then he accepted a mission from my father. Do you know what that mission was? It was to kill me. He accepted eagerly. He despised me. He saw me for what I really was. A monster. At least he was honest. You try to pretend you aren't afraid of me, even when you are shaking in front of me. So I was right. Everyone you 'love' will betray you eventually. My father, my uncle, in one move betrayed me. And so will you."

"I am not like them, Gaara. I care about you – " Sakura was cut off by the sand around her neck squeezing a warning.

"No you don't," Gaara whispered, "You left."

"I came back!" Sakura tried to pull the sand away from her throat but it was solid, immovable.

"You don't love me," Gaara's eyes were no longer wild. They were wretchedly unhappy, filled with sadness, "Do you?"

For a moment Sakura could not speak, "Gaara, _what_?" She spluttered.

"Do you want to know who I love, Sakura?" Gaara said darkly.

The sand spread down her scarred arm like it was greeting an old friend, its familiar rough caress scratching at her scars.

And that was when the sand began to squeeze her. It was like being gripped by a massive fist. Sakura's ribs creaked in protest and her arms were painfully pinned to her sides.

She was crying before she even felt the anguish seeping through her.

Inside the shell of sand, Sakura's fists glowed blue.

With a wrenching sound, Sakura ripped her arms away from her sides, breaking the sand's grip. She saw Gaara look taken aback, clenched fist lowering until the sand began to pour off of her.

"You told me once," Sakura said menacingly, advancing upon Gaara's frozen form still lying still on the bed, "If you ever lost control, you were confident I could stop you. If you keep attacking me, Gaara, I will _stop_ you."

Gaara seemed to regain himself, and leapt off the bed in a catlike motion.

"How could you stop me?" Gaara widened his eyes in mock confusion, "A weak, pathetic little girl like you?"

Words designed to hurt. But she'd faced condescending men like Gaara's other self before. Sasuke, Itachi.

"I am not weak," Sakura stepped forward. Gaara retreated backwards, "I am not pathetic. I'm your bodyguard, Gaara, Sakura no Chiyu, Senior Nurse. If you continue your attack, I will not hold back."

But Gaara looked like a lost, wounded child now, misery pouring off him in waves. "You would kill me, Sakura?"

No, she thought immediately, without hesitation.

"Let's not find out, shall we?" She said instead, "Please, Gaara. Just calm down."

"You're going to hate me after this." Gaara said regretfully.

"I could never hate you, Gaara." She smiled, closing her eyes.

She opened them and nearly shot backwards. Gaara was now inches away.

"Really?" He said, almost shyly, "You couldn't hate me?"

She never knew what she was supposed to say when Gaara was like this, "No, Gaara."

Sakura was now instinctively backing up, hands up defensively. Gaara didn't look dangerous like before, but there was something predatory in his movements as he walked towards her.

Sakura's back hit the wall. Gaara's hands shot forward and he placed them either side of her head, eyes now back on her mouth.

"I never did tell you who I love." He said musingly.

Sakura was not afraid, she knew if Gaara attacked she was close enough to the door to escape and she could certainly put up a fight if he caught her.

"I love you, Sakura." Gaara said sincerely. His eyes were unguarded, showing his affection openly.

Sakura's stomach felt as though it had dropped out and she was finding it hard to breathe.

"_What_." She gasped, feeling dizzy with the weight of his words and the truth she sensed in them.

He moved forward slightly, and then he kissed her.

* * *

><p>And that is what happens when sleep deprivation is combined with trust issues XD OK, Sakura no Chiyu. I am not fluent in Japanese. Supposedly it means, 'Sakura of the cure,' which I thought sounded cool.<p>

Finally, Gaara confesses his love and kisses Sakura! Does she feel the same? Is a confession of love truly valid when you are sleep deprived and currently suffering from a split personality? XD

The reason for this hideously late update is because 1) Writer's block and 2) I was busy writing my other GaaSaku story :S

**Quick poll take: **Do you think Naruto will be the next Hokage?

A) Hell yeah! He's strong, the son of the previous Hokage, and he deserves it!

B) Maybe, Kishimoto might not show him become Hokage in the manga.

C) No, he isn't strong enough to be Hokage.

D) Other! Let me know what you think!


	15. Ending scars

The moment Gaara's lips touched Sakura's, the sand exploded into movement, whipping around them, blowing their hair and clothes about in a harsh wind as Gaara struggled to contain his emotions.

Sakura's mind was entirely blank. Though a small, factual voice inside of her was sneeringly informing her of what was happening, she felt as though she was floating, mind wiped of all thought.

_Gaara's kissing you_, the sneering voice informed her.

No he isn't, Sakura thought back blankly, Gaara doesn't do things like that.

_He said he loves you._

Sakura's mind struggled to reconcile her own personal image of Gaara, tough, serious, controlled, with what was being presented to her now, Gaara's mouth a light pressure on hers, his eyes closed, lashes brushing against her cheek.

It had never occurred to her that Gaara could ever have less than professional feelings towards her. She considered them friends, best friends, even. He was her boss, the Kazekage. He was out of her league.

But he was kissing her.

All things considered, it was a very nice kiss, though it was slightly awkward by Gaara's inexperience and Sakura's stiff, unresponsiveness.

Gaara's hands settled on her shoulders. Sakura's arms dangled uselessly at her sides.

Something clicked in her mind and she slackened, relaxing in Gaara's grip, closing her eyes. She could hear the sand hissing all around them, scraping against the walls. The wind was still whipping around them and Sakura could feel Gaara stiffen, trying to contain the explosion of raw power.

Gaara sank to his knees and Sakura was pulled down with him. With a gasp, Gaara broke the kiss and fell back.

His hands were clenched in his hair and the sand was menacingly whistling around them on the wind. They were in the middle of Gaara's own, personal sand storm. Sakura clamped her mouth shut to avoid swallowing sand, feeling the wind steal away her breath in seconds.

She felt dizzy from the kiss and lack of oxygen. Gaara was rocking back and forth, still clutching at his hair, trying to control himself. Sakura leant forward and touched his hand.

He swatted her away, eyes still impossibly wide.

"_Gaara!_" Temari yelled suddenly. Sakura could see her blurred form moving towards them quickly. The sand roared around Sakura and Gaara, preventing Temari from getting close to them.

"Sakura, are you in there?" Temari cried out, holding her arm up to shield her face.

"Yes!" Sakura shouted back. Gaara was ignoring both of them, still rocking back and forth.

"You'll be alright, we'll get you out." Temari said reassuringly, but Sakura could hear the fear and doubt in her voice.

"Gaara," Sakura whispered, getting closer to him. He looked up at her, eyes wild, "Gaara. It's alright. I'm here. It's alright."

The sand stopped abruptly in the air and fell to the floor with a hiss, making a circle of sand around Gaara and Sakura. Gaara's hands were clenched in fists, his eyes narrowed in concentration.

The wind halted and Temari became visible. She had obviously just gotten out of bed, her hair was a mess and she was wearing a thin dressing gown.

"Temari," Gaara said, words clipped with the strain of controlling his emotions, "Get Sakura out."

Without hesitation, Temari hauled Sakura up and rushed out of the room, hand on her wrist.

Sakura looked back into Gaara's room as they left, seeing Gaara sitting on the floor, obviously upset.

When they were no longer within hearing distance of Gaara, Temari forced Sakura to sit down on one of the seats in the hall and rounded on her, "What was that all about?" Temari hissed.

Sakura was unsure Gaara would want what had happened tonight to be repeated to anyone, let alone his big, overprotective sister. But she could hardly say, oh, Gaara and I were chatting and then the sand blew up.

She let out a ragged sigh, "I'm sorry, Temari, it was an accident. I went to see how Gaara was but his door was locked. I broke in when I got worried and Gaara was just lying on his bed, eyes open. I tried to talk to him but the sand erupted from his gourd and he started to attack me," At this point Temari scowled and started to mutter to herself, "I avoided his attacks for as long as possible. He got really angry and started talking about love, and his uncle, and me and Sasuke… and then he said he loved me and kissed me." Sakura said the last sentence in a rush, avoiding Temari's eyes.

"_What?_" Temari yelped, "He did _what_?"

"He kissed me. And the sand started to blow around us and Gaara freaked out again. Then you came and… well, you know the rest." Sakura finished lamely.

"I can't believe it…" Temari said, staring absently at the wall, "I never thought he would do something like this…"

"I had no idea he thought of me in that way…" Sakura said, still feeling astonished at the revelation.

"Yes, well. You're blind when it comes to anything other than Uchiha Sasuke or your patients." Temari's tone was unusually sharp, causing Sakura to look up at her curiously, "We all knew he cared about you. When you told us Gaara admitted he was in love. Well, it was obvious he was talking about _you_."

Sakura felt like the stupid kid in class who was always the last to work out the answer to a question.

Who does Gaara love?

Everyone else figured it out so easily.

How stupid she had been. Sakura let out a groan and put her head in her hands. She heard Temari shift awkwardly next to her.

"The thing is, Sakura, I know you're a good friend of mine, but Gaara's my brother. I need to know if you feel the same way about him."

Sakura looked up. Temari's eyes looked warily hopeful.

"No," Sakura said, miserable, "I don't."

Temari's face fell.

"I really do care about him, Temari," Sakura continued, "I just don't think of him that way."

Temari's expression was odd – a mixture of frustration and amusement, "You continue to display a shocking lack of intelligence when it comes to these sort of things."

Sakura's mouth opened in outrage but Temari cut her off, "I mean emotional stuff. You are incredibly smart academically, but you didn't notice Gaara's feelings for you when he is the least discreet person in the world and I don't think you understand your own feelings yet either."

"Temari, I have been in love before, I know what it feels like –"

"Do you?" Temari interrupted again, studying her curiously, "Don't glare at me like that. I'm just saying, you were twelve when you were supposed to be in love with this Uchiha. Twelve. Unless you start early, I doubt what you felt was mature enough to be love," Temari shrugged, ignoring Sakura's incredulity, "Maybe it was just infatuation."

Sakura started to defend herself – so what if she'd been young when she loved Sasuke – but couldn't find the words. She knew Sasuke was the most important person in her world when she was twelve, he occupied her every waking thought, and her every action was designed to please him.

But was that love?

Temari seemed to guess what she was thinking, or perhaps the doubt she was feeling had slipped into her expression, because the older girl gave a smug smirk, "So. If you never loved Sasuke that would mean you don't know what love feels like."

Sakura knew what she was getting at. If she didn't know what love felt like, how did she know she didn't love Gaara?

Sakura exhaled, feeling oddly helpless. What could she do in this situation? She was going to be in Suna for five more years. Gaara was the Kazekage. She was his bodyguard. She would probably see him almost every day for the next five years. Awkward.

Temari looked morose, running her fingers through her hair and sighing. "I don't know what this will do to Gaara."

"I still want to be friends with him." Sakura said stubbornly.

"Sakura, you want him to be forced to be your friend for the next five years, watching you date other guys and knowing you don't love him back?" Temari said incredulously.

"What else can I do? Maybe you're right. Maybe I just had a very big crush on Sasuke. All I know is, if Gaara thinks being friends with me is too painful, I'll leave. But if he wants me to stay, I will." Sakura said firmly.

Temari stared at her, eyebrows drawn sharply together in a frown. She eventually turned away, looking frustrated, "Kankuro will not be happy about this, just so you know."

Gaara's older brother. Of course this was going to anger him. Sakura winced at the mere thought of his reaction to the news that Gaara had made himself so emotionally vulnerable and Sakura was going to reject him.

Sakura slumped in her seat exhaustedly, her limbs weighed down by tiredness. "What a mess." She muttered to herself.

xxxxxxxx

Sakura had absentmindedly healed the friction burns from the sand, but was sorry to see the stinging sensation go, she would have welcomed any distraction from the thoughts rocketing around her skull.

After many, many assurances that she was fine, Temari eventually left to go see how Gaara was doing in the aftermath of his meltdown.

Sakura couldn't feel anything. Her body felt disconnected, her thoughts jumbled and confused. The only emotion she was capable of processing was confusion.

She had never thought of Gaara as anything other than Gaara. He wasn't like Sasuke; she had considered Sasuke an object of her admiration, not a person in his own right but Gaara… Gaara was her best friend, barring Ino and Naruto.

_Did_ she like Gaara in that way?

She searched her feelings carefully, pulling up various memories, searching for evidence of any romantic leanings towards the Kazekage.

The first time she met him he terrified her. His cold eyes, aloof demeanour and bluntness did not endear him to her at all at first. But then, as time went by, Gaara's icy exterior seemed to melt and they became friends.

Close friends.

She remembered Kaede's hopeful comment about her and Gaara being together. Everyone else could see what was going on except for her. Kankuro and Temari had tried to warn her, hadn't they?

But what did _she_ think?

Sakura smoothed her hair back, frustrated with herself. She did not feel that ache in her chest she used to feel whenever she looked at Sasuke. She enjoyed spending time with Gaara, missed him when he was gone and tiptoed so carefully around his feelings without complaint. Being friends with Gaara was like being friends with glass. It was an infinitely fragile and breakable friendship, and getting too close to him might hurt her.

Being in love with Gaara would be a very lonely, restricted existence indeed. He was the Kazekage, untouchable, on his own pedestal compared to her. He could never give her a relationship, just a very one-sided agreement. If she loved him back, would he ask her to be with him?

But she didn't love him.

She was sixteen years old and recovering from a thoroughly broken heart. Up until this point she had never looked at Gaara in any other way than a good friend and the Kazekage.

She cared deeply for him, but love? She didn't know about that.

She knew she was going to have to confront Gaara at some point. She preferred to give herself time to think and vent her frustrations. Besides, Temari was going to have to calm the younger boy down first before Sakura could even think about going to see him.

It was the afternoon at this point, after four so the temperature of the day had simmered down from skin-meltingly hot to pleasantly warm.

Sato-sensei had looked surprised to see her on the training grounds without a session booked, but agreed to help her regardless.

Sakura eyed the wooden post balefully.

All of her confusion, frustration and exhaustion was boiling inside her, mixing into one emotion: rage.

Rage against Gaara, for putting her in such a difficult situation.

Rage against herself, for having to hurt her best friend.

Rage against Sasuke, for breaking her heart and making her cynical about love.

Her eyes narrowed in concentration, and the post was obliterated by one spinning kick followed by a few, rage-filled punches.

She moved onto another, conscious of the no-chakra rule. Just taijutsu.

Before Sasuke had left she'd been an idealistic, naïve young girl, who thought she knew everything there was to know about love.

But her twelve year old self knew _nothing_, Sakura thought fiercely, punching the post repeatedly, feeling the shockwaves of the blows jar her arms, absolutely nothing about love.

Why was it so complicated?

She used to believe you either loved someone or didn't. She never imagined herself in such a position – being loved by someone she cared for, but not quite enough. This sort of halfway love was utterly impossible to deal with. Should she try to make a go of it with Gaara and hope she was wrong about her feelings, that she did love him? Should she remove herself from Gaara's life, to prevent his heart being broken?

"Good form." Sato-sensei said mildly, surprising Sakura. Her fist went through the wood suddenly, throwing her slightly. She really didn't know her own strength.

"I think you're ready to spar with me now." Sato-sensei said with a proud smile.

Sakura gave him an apprehensive look. He was heavily muscled. He looked massively overweight, but it was all hard muscle, not fat. He could flatten her with a glance. Sakura nearly laughed at her stupidity. She wasn't exactly a weak little flower either. She was stronger than Sato with her chakra-enhanced fists.

Sakura pulled off her thin jacket and held her fists up in a defensive position, grinning confidently. She saw Sato's eyes drift towards her scarred arm but it wasn't revulsion or pity in his eyes, but admiration.

She had come so far since she had first arrived in Suna.

She had been haunted by memories of Sasuke's betrayal and was suffering from nightmares in which Gaara frequently starred in as the main character. What had Sato thought of her back then? Gaara had once derisively told her she'd looked like a 'scared rabbit' in the first few months she'd stayed there. She imagined whatever disdain he'd had for her cowardice was gone after she endured torture rather than give up information and turn traitor.

"Let's spar, then." Sakura said, eyes intently sweeping over Sato's huge form. He favoured his right leg, possibly from an old knee injury. Judging by the worn, tough skin on his knuckles, he relied heavily on his fists in fights. She nudged his chakra with her own subtly, so subtly that he wouldn't be able to feel it. His chakra was rather like Lee's. Strong and determined, but with no aptitude towards either genjutsu or ninjustu. Perfect.

"You can use whatever techniques you possess." Sato said, with a knowing smile. Sakura flushed. Perhaps he had noticed her examining his chakra after all.

"OK." Sakura nodded.

"We'll start now." Sato said. And then he vanished.

Sakura whirled around, Kaede's sword in hand, automatically blocking Sato's kunai as he tried to stab her from behind. She shoved him back and leapt upwards, coming down hard with her leg held up high.

Sato's eyes widened and he shot backwards to avoid the crater Sakura's leg had made, wincing as chunks of rock struck him. Sakura did not give him time to react, pumping chakra to her feet and exploding off the ground, coming down hard on Sato's head. He was barely able to dodge the kick.

They began to fight at close range, Sakura whirling her new sword around inexpertly and Sato's kunai skilfully blocking her every strike. Sakura grew tired of missing and threw a punch. Sato's quick reflexes saved him; he threw himself to the ground to avoid the earth-shattering blow.

Sakura followed through with a series of lightning quick kicks, falling into the flow of the battle with the ease she'd achieved since sparring with Gai and Lee. Sato was no slouch in the taijutsu department though, and he soon had her on the defensive, blocking his blows with her sword.

A well-aimed strike to her stomach left a shallow cut and her confident smirk grew into something a little more savage.

Anyone watching would be amazed, watching a skinny, short girl easily matching a much bigger man's blows, knocking him back with a shove and a kick, launching herself up from the momentum of the kick against his chest and falling back down again, fist aimed for Sato's face.

His face crumbled beneath her blow and transformed into a log, _kawarimi_, Sakura thought, irritated, why hadn't she spotted that?

The soft crunch of sand behind her had her wildly, thrusting her sword in the sound's direction.

Her inattention led to Sato's kunai pressing up against her throat, whilst she'd managed to thrust her sword point-first against his heart.

"Draw?" Sato suggested, panting slightly.

"Sounds good to me." Sakura pulled her sword away and sheathed it.

"That is a nice sword," Sato said admiringly, "And you have certainly improved."

"Thanks," Sakura panted, "You kept me on my toes."

"My only criticism is that, leaping around a battle and relying on your chakra-enhanced fists will eat up your chakra quickly in a real battle."

Sakura nodded, wiping her brow.

"Sato-sensei? Do you think I've changed?" Sakura enquired.

"Well, let me put it this way," He said, eyes crinkled up from his smile, "The girl I met months ago was depressed and had trouble shattering one post. Now look at you." He gestured to the thoroughly destroyed training area.

"You're twice the girl you used to be." Sato smiled at her.

xxxxxxxx

"Come in." Gaara said quietly from inside his office.

Sakura opened the door, ignoring the various misgivings she was having and trying very, very hard not to think about the kiss.

Gaara had huge bags under his eyes and he looked totally exhausted, sitting at his desk. He looked up at her entrance and his expression darkened, "Sakura," He said tonelessly, "Take a seat."

Sakura did so, eyeing the Kazekage suspiciously. He was acting remarkably coolly considering what had happened not so long ago.

"I know you must despise me now, Sakura, but I only want to explain myself. When you entered my room earlier, I had spent hours trying to sleep. Every time I try to sleep I can't seem to switch off my mind, so I was thinking about all of the things that upset me. This, naturally, affected my stability and hearing your voice made something snap. I don't remember much of what happened but Temari told me I attacked you. I do remember kissing you," Gaara's eyes were haunted and he looked slightly sick, "I'm sorry."

Sakura's eyebrows raised slowly, "You're sorry?"

"I know it isn't much," Gaara said, looking miserably, "There is no excuse for what I did."

"Do you love me, Gaara?" Sakura asked bluntly. Now was not the time for tiptoeing around it, she needed to know.

Gaara flinched at her blunt words.

His skin was paper-white and he looked just as frail. He couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes, "Yes, I believe I do, based upon your own description of love."

"I had _no idea_." Sakura said, eyes wide, "I never imagined for one second –"

"I know." Gaara interrupted hastily, as though her words pained him, "I was aware you didn't know."

"When did you start to realise…?" Sakura trailed off, her eyes bright and curious.

"That I loved you? Very early on. When you were captured by Akatsuki, I was furious, beyond furious… I'd never felt rage like that before. I didn't know I was falling in love until you told me the symptoms and I realised what I felt for you matched what you had told me about love." Gaara's eyes were glued to the desk; he still had not looked at her.

"I understand if you want your five year contract to be terminated. You can go back to Konoha today if you wish; I'll inform the Hokage the reason why you have returned." Gaara's words had a touch of finality to them, as though the situation had been resolved already.

"Why do I have to leave?" Sakura asked, eyes thoughtful.

Gaara looked startled, "Well, my inappropriate behaviour… It was simply inacceptable. I will not forgive myself for this and neither should you."

"Don't tell me what to forgive, Gaara," Sakura said lightly, "And don't ever apologise for loving someone. I never once apologised to Sasuke, though I imagine he would have liked me to. I'm not leaving Suna until my contract has expired, Gaara. I see no reason for you to feel guilty for what happened. You were upset, you lost control. It happens to all shinobi at some point. And what's more, _I don't mind_. I'm not upset. You didn't kill me or even hurt me. You kissed me. I can't return your feelings yet… but I ask that you wait for me."

She had decided it earlier on. She had five years. Maybe, in that time, her feelings for Gaara would blossom into something deeper. It was definitely selfish of her to request that Gaara wait for her to return his feelings, but she felt it was all she could offer him.

Gaara was staring at her as though he had never seen her before, "You think you could… ever return my feelings?"

Sakura gave him an awkward smile, "I don't know. But there's no reason for us to stop being friends over this, Gaara. Maybe over time, our friendship could become… more. I don't know. I can't promise anything."

"Kankuro doesn't think we should be friends." Gaara said, still staring at her steadily.

"I know. But I don't see why we shouldn't."

"I'm dangerous, Sakura. I can't control my emotions. I could have killed you today."

"I'm a shinobi. My life's full of danger anyway. Most of my friends could kill me. A few of them have tried. It's OK to not be totally in control all of the time. Remember when you hired me? You told me I could stop you if you ever got out of control. And, I can."

Gaara did not look convinced, "You would be happy being friends with me, knowing how I feel about you?"

Sakura sighed, "Gaara, I know Sasuke was fully aware that I liked him and I believe it never interfered with our friendship. It was never uncomfortable or awkward. He tolerated my affections. You shouldn't feel ashamed about your feelings."

Gaara gave a tiny nod, pale eyes fixed upon her face, "If it does not bother you, I would like to be friends."

Sakura laughed, "Gaara, it's actually very flattering, how you feel about me. It is certainly not an unpleasant discovery to find out someone likes you." Sakura tried her best to ignore the slight blush on her cheeks that had been present ever since he kissed her and the butterflies in her stomach.

Gaara gave a little wry smirk at that, "You will have to learn to endure my ardour." He said dryly.

"I'll do my best, Gaara." Sakura said laughingly.

xxxxxxxx

Sakura stood before her floor length mirror, studying herself. She was tanned. Her hair needed a trim. She didn't have any bags under her eyes from lack of sleep, because she was no longer troubled by nightmares. Her skin rippled with light muscles. She might have even grown taller. Hiroshi's mask added a feral quality to her appearance and Kaede's sword increased the air of danger Sakura now exuded.

Her hand was frozen over her scarred arm. She was trying to bring herself to heal her scars, to obliterate the evidence that she was ever tortured, to reduce Gaara's guilt over what he had once done to her.

But she couldn't do it.

Her short hairstyle represented her new outlook on life that she had cultivated four years ago, no longer concerned with her looks, just wanting to improve her ability.

To remove the physical representation of her growth would be like denying it ever happened. Like she was ashamed of it.

She wasn't ashamed.

The damaged skin tissue didn't hurt anymore. The scars themselves had faded into pale white. She had already removed the risk of poor blood flow in her arm.

There was no real, medical reason to get rid of her scars.

It would be for cosmetic, superficial reasons.

She had once reminded herself that every shinobi had scars.

Sakura smiled at her scarred, imperfect reflection.

Her scars were what had made her a shinobi.

* * *

><p>OK, don't smite me, angry readers! I understand you were hoping that Sakura and Gaara would get together in this chapter but…<p>

I read the fic again myself. I saw glimpses of Gaara's feelings for Sakura. I did not see enough evidence that Sakura loved him back to justify making her accept the out of the blue revelation that Gaara loved her. Right now, it's up to the individual reader's interpretation as to whether or not Sakura loves Gaara back right now.

**There will be a sequel!** It will take place four years after this one, when Sakura has only a year left in Suna. Many changes will have taken place, including babies!

There will be arranged marriages going wrong, jealousy galore and a certain kunoichi will fly into a rage upon being ignored by her love interest one too many times. A certain jutsu-matching duo will become a dream team with conflicting personalities. One poisonous girl will attempt to interfere with an established relationship!

I'm struggling for a name for the sequel, what should it be?

Don't worry; the sequel will still be GaaSaku.


End file.
